I am not sure why I think this should be a blog other than the fact it may help someone.

Ever since I returned from Florida, I have experienced a new thing. I have come to terms with a lot of things, and I have moved on from a lot of people and things. What remains is an awesome feeling of rightness. I have had this feeling most of my life, but now I see it. I recognize I have been right about my life. I see so clearly , so completely how I was led on this path.

When I am confronted about my marriage to the man I live with, people have actually gone as far as to call me a fool, to even say I'm stupid. Yes, I do have choices and more and more are being presented to me every day, but I have no desire to subject myself to the rigors of a divorce, most definitely not at this time.

It could bother me that my relationship with the man I am married to causes so much anguish to others. My 18 year old son is appalled that I have chosen to stay married. He told me, "He is going to take you down mom. He'll be the death of you."

I said, "You really think so Son, after 25 years?"

"Open your eyes Mom. Everybody can see it but you."

He then went on to tell me, "I should come before him, I am your seed."

If it were not for the fact he was crying, I would have burst into laughter. I am so grateful for my awareness and understanding. My maturity and my ability to allow others to be who they are.

I did not respond to that statement. To do so would have been as ridiculous as the statement itself. If not for his father, he would not be. He cannot come before him. So, it is becoming more than obvious my son may be experiencing a little of the what Sigmund Freud would call the Oedipus complex: The child's unconscious desire to possess the opposite-sexed parent and do away with the same-sexed parent.

In present day psychology this theory is thought to be ridiculous. It is clear to see what Freud meant, but hard to articulate. I never really a even a glimpse of the possibility until today. Whether I believe Freud's theory or not, my son clearly feels he should be exalted over my husband in my heart and mind. He feels because he recognizes his father's limitations as a man, that he has the right to feel superior.

It is a sad situation. I know how it feels not to understand the workings of relationships and think you know better than the two who constructed it. Many will say my quest to get people to stay together is the same thing. To them I say: I have had over 25 years experience making a true effort to learn how to be a wife, companion, and partner. I know what I'm talking about.

My son wants me to let go during the revealing of the purpose. He can't stand it and wants me to feel the way he does. Been there, done that. I have to see this through and believe me I know God is with me. Can't be nothing else.