Honoring My Marriage

Even though I am still legally married, my relationship with my husband it has been over for six months and I am so happy and relieved. I feel no anger, no resentment, no sense of loss, no wondering if we are doing the right thing, nothing but gratitude to God.

We both believed we were soul mates and we were. My soul got healed, he never developed a relationship with his. Even with that we spent 26 years doing the best we could, obviously. It is what it is.

I watched a documentary about happiness. There was a couple who had been marriage for over 30 years and were no longer sexually active. The wife was content, but the husband wanted more. They sought counseling and question why they were able to continue to stay together. The therapist made the statement that their earlier life had a lot to do with it. They had done a lot of adventurous things together in the beginning of their marriage. Although they had issues, when it came to working together and supporting each other, they did that. It was the therapists belief that these early experiences where they weather storms, good times etc., help cement their relationship.

The wife eventually broke down and said she'd rekindle the sex life because she didn't want to lose her husband. She was comfortable with the marriage and didn't want to lose him over sex. That is what marriage is about. Really life. You have got to give to get.

My husband and I were similar in the beginning of our relationship. Neither one of us had ever had anything that we owned. When we began to live together, everything was centered around making a home. It turned out he was more into house cleaning and decorating than I. I loved that. He did too, but he had many misconceptions about what a woman was supposed to do. He felt like I should like to clean just because I was a woman.

We'd do all kinds of things and took walks everyday to the beach, holding hands and making plans. The romance was off the chain. He was into setting the mood. The music, the lights, the food. Looking back is doing me good because it makes me realize why I grew to love him so. When we were who we are, and not portraying the roles we grew up seeing, we were great together.

I was thrilled by how thrilling love was and how much more open I felt as a person. The shift in my personality and way I felt about myself was intoxicating. I came alive in his arms, looking into his eyes, hearing him say my name. He turned me on and I will always be grateful to him for that.