I came to realize I was the marrying type late into my marriage. Now, it is hard for me to change the way I think. I don't feel like I can do the dating thing. Maleness has become something I can say truly bothers me. Different men display their maleness in different ways, just as woman show varying degrees of feminity.
I lived with an Alpha male for over 26 years. I had to learn to be more humble and I accepted that reality, but even with my working on myself, I found the arrogance that is inevitable when it comes to males, gets on my nerves.
Unfortunately, I love men and dealing with their malesness is part of the territory. My husband's insecuritites got the best of him. He spent too much time being macho and wanting to be in control of everything, but himself of course. This is why his life continuously falls apart. He knew what was right for everyone else, but could do little for himself.
Now that we are separated and it feels like we won't get back together; I have been allowing myself to think I very well may have to date again. What I know about maleness makes me feel like I don't want to do it.
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