Doing Good

I know I've written about how doing going does not always turn out good. When this happens in a marriage, it is even more devastating. Everyday I am faced with the fact I put forth effort and failed.

I did more than try to change I actually did and although the changes I have made will benefit me the rest of my life, it still does not take away the pain of knowing I will never have a husband in the man I married.

Today I said to him, "Well at least we have a lot of good memories." He said, "Yeah, I have a lot of them." We both put forth effort, it just isn't meant to be the type of marriage we had hoped. We are too different, not enough in common, and marginally compatible, but we managed to stay together for over 25 years. Ours is a true testament to the fact that people can learn to get along with each other successfully, no matter how different they are.

Still, having to change the way I view our relationship is sad to me. I can no longer lean on hope to get me through these last years. I have to face the reality each day that my husband has not grown enough, is not secure enough to be the man he could be if he only had worked harder.

One of the key life lessons I needed to learn was compassion. I learned, but it didn't help the marriage. Doing good does not always turn out good.