Resentment

I have mentioned my books Get Out of the Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage several times. What I have not talked about is how I came to the decision to get out of the way.

Back in 1997, I made a decision that rendered my husband homeless. We had just moved to a new city and neither one of us knew anyone. He returned to his hometown, then 18 months, after doing much soul searching and ultimately realizing and accepting I was wrong, he returned home.

Little did I know he had done some thinking also and made a vow to himself that he'd never be put out without somewhere to go. Thus, he developed a relationship with another woman, or so he claims this is the only reason she is still in his life six years later.

Whether this is the real reason for the other woman or not, what stands out to me is even though I did all I could do to make him know I was wrong and that I wanted to make it right, the resentment had set in back in 1997, and all my efforts were for naught, when it came to savaging our personal relationship.

He has been trying to make me pay for my wrongs of the past. The very wrongs I have been working to rectify. When I found out for sure that my efforts were for nothing, I was crushed. It made me feel like a fool initially. I guess all human beings have to go through that, but I quickly turned it around and looked at the outcome as I do every other outcome, it is what it is. I did what I thought was right. No, what I know was right. I tried to savage the marriage I helped to destroy, and it did not work out like I had hoped.

His resentment served as a shield that kept him from accepting the changes I had made. He didn't accept my tearful apologies, my efforts to help him feel secure with me, or my humble attempts to honor his place as head of the household. Resentment robbed me of the opportunity to find a husband in the man I married.

Resentment in a marriage has the same effects that roaches and termites can have on a house. Once they are in you can almost never get them out. Consistent treatment and attention to the infestation is the only way to get on top of them.

Resentment in a marriage is even harder to get rid of. My husband isn't aware of how angry with and resentful of me he is. He has created a situation that has caused the one thing he was trying to keep from happening, happen. This is what we do to ourselves when we seek to blame others for how our lives turn out. Had he been the husband he should have been I would not have made the decision I made. He doesn't look at it that way because he can only be a victim.

Well, I am not a victim. I am a conqueror. I wouldn't trade my life to save my life. I love the choices I've made because each of them have brought me closer to the greatest love of all. Loving myself.