How I Have Stayed Young at Heart

I work with teen aged girls everyday. From the ages 12-18, I get to see what this age group thinks is hip, cool, sweet, dope, the shit, bad, bling, flossin, swaging; I am pretty up to date. I have a 31 year old daughter who is intelligent and socially conscious, who also feels it important to use me as a friend, something I have always discouraged. It just sort of happened and I have had to accept it.

I have a 20 year old son who is working daily, but pretty much stays to himself. He has the same friends he had since junior high and spends time with them. I get to hear what he's listening to, right before I take it out of my CD. We do not talk much, but when we do our conversations are always lengthy and edifying. We spend a lot of our time praising each other. He thinks I am the greatest mother and lately it seems he is getting to know me for the first time. He is maturing and more accepting of me as a woman and not just his mother, but he also is mesmerized by how I know exactly what he wants when it comes to certain things. He has my name tattooed on his forearm. When I saw how huge it was, I was honored and uncomfortable at the same time. On one hand the tattoo validated he understood just how permanently I love him, but it also represent to me, a fanatical quality. I will always be his mother. We share blood. The tattoo seemed overkill to me.

My fifteen year is very assimilated. This drives me crazy that I am raising a beautiful black girl who identifies with white women on the level she does. Her sensibilities are more that of a white girl and boy does she struggle to accept that beautiful nappy hair of hers. Still she is the kindest, most diplomatic person I know. She is intelligent, well read, capable and giving. She is still very infatuated with me to a great degree, yet she is beginning to notice I'm not perfect, but unlike her sister and brother before her, she does not judge me and call me a hypocrite. She actually feels I am doing the best I can. What a blessing. I would be in trouble if she thought she was missing something.

I stay young because I embrace youth and youthfulness. One month and 11 hours from being 50, I feel younger than I ever have. I am presently listening to the group Blackstreet while typing this blog. I enjoy music and dancing just as much or more than I did when I was young. I love to laugh and will until I cry. I am telling ya'll I freely allowed myself to live in the Holy Spirit, praising God constantly and doing my best to do what is right and good. I stopped taking myself so seriously and accepted myself for the beautiful black woman that I am and I have been happy every since. Peace

Keeping It Real

I work with young adults between 15 and 20 years younger than me. Some of them have picked up on my ability to read human behavior and the keen understanding I have of human nature.

I told them, "Listen, it really is no big deal. I have lived almost half a century. I should know something by now."

They are astonished by my ability to not truly care what other people think of me, especially if that means I have to go along to get along, hide from the truth, or beat around the bush. "The same thing people love about you Ms. Hall, is the same thing they hate about you. That has to be rough."Yes, it can be, but I'd rather have it like that than any other way.

My 30th High School Reunion is coming up in July. I pulled out my scrapbook and began reading the comments people wrote about me 30 years ago. Tears came to my eyes as I read things like, "Stay as real as you are and you will go far." "You are and will always be a woman. No one deals with smut with the style and grace like you do." "You are definitely not a person who is afraid to be herself. I guess that is a good thing. Especially for you. You should go far."

My boyfriend's mother wrote, "Stay as you are and never become a phony baloney."
Another friend wrote, "You are cool, calm and collected." All of the comments had to do with how much of a REAL person I seemed and how I seemed not to care what others thought of me.

Even back then, I had an idea of who I was and where I wanted to go and people recognized it. Today, fully grown and understanding myself more than ever, I am still told how real I am, how down-to-earth I am, and how open and honest I can be. It feels good to know I have not strayed from what I always knew to be true, nobody can be you but you.

Blog 101

I have written 100 blogs this is 101. I want to talk about women who get married too young.

So many times young girls fantacize about marriage. They have no idea what it takes to be mature enough to make the commitment they are hell bound on making.

When most of these young women get married, they have built up a false sense of being capable of handling whatever comes their way. They think because they are "grown," which usually means they are 18 and over, that they are ready.

All it takes is one instance of something happening they did not expect for many of them to run to family and friends proclaiming the mate does not love them because they are not who they thought they were, or they are not living up to their expectations. Most family and friends were reared up on the same misinformation regarding marriage and may encourage her to leave, or to withhold, or withdraw. It is rare that a young woman's circle includes someone who is progressive and educated about relationships.

These young women are fragile and often use tears to try to motivate the spouse to return the response they hoped the tears would evoke. Most often, because men are male, they tend to reject tears and rarely respond to them in a positive way. A precedence is usually set after this very first misunderstanding. He does something she had not bargained for, she gets upset, includes others, he retreats, she cries to try to get him to come out of his cave, but he digs himself in deeper, because that is what a lot of males do when they cannot handle emotional upheaval, even if the caused it.

My kids laughed at me when I told them they should wait until they are 30 before even thinking about getting married. It seemed too long to wait, but as the first two began to have psuedo relationships, they soon understood my proclaimations that they would not be ready for the emotional turmoil often caused when one tries to soon to be committed to another at such a young age.

My daughter is 30 years old and has only recently met someone she is considering having a committed relationship with. I am proud of how she listened to me telling her over the years that she was not emotionally ready for a committed relationship. I think she listened to me, because the people who she was involved with told her the same thing. She often heard them say to her, "You are not affectionate enough." "You don't seem to care whether I'm here or not."

I told her that her fear of intimacy was showing and at the wrong place and time, during her intimate relationships. She was 29 before she sincerely felt she was ready to think about committing to someone.

My 18 year old son has really heeded my cry not to get too involved too early. He has refused to get a steady girlfriend and I must admit leads a drama free existence, while his peers are struggling with petty fights, break-up to make-ups, and emotional turmoil.

My 13 recently told me a classmate of hers told several kids she was sexually active and is now ashamed because she thought it would make her popular, instead, the kids have been cruel and make fun of her. My daughter told me she was asked if she ever planned to have kids. She said she told them, "Yes, after I finish school, and that includes college." Good answer.

We have to talk to our children and tell the truth about marriage. Marriage is for mature adults, not young adults still trying to find their own way in this world. Get to know you, before you get married.