Blog 101

I have written 100 blogs this is 101. I want to talk about women who get married too young.

So many times young girls fantacize about marriage. They have no idea what it takes to be mature enough to make the commitment they are hell bound on making.

When most of these young women get married, they have built up a false sense of being capable of handling whatever comes their way. They think because they are "grown," which usually means they are 18 and over, that they are ready.

All it takes is one instance of something happening they did not expect for many of them to run to family and friends proclaiming the mate does not love them because they are not who they thought they were, or they are not living up to their expectations. Most family and friends were reared up on the same misinformation regarding marriage and may encourage her to leave, or to withhold, or withdraw. It is rare that a young woman's circle includes someone who is progressive and educated about relationships.

These young women are fragile and often use tears to try to motivate the spouse to return the response they hoped the tears would evoke. Most often, because men are male, they tend to reject tears and rarely respond to them in a positive way. A precedence is usually set after this very first misunderstanding. He does something she had not bargained for, she gets upset, includes others, he retreats, she cries to try to get him to come out of his cave, but he digs himself in deeper, because that is what a lot of males do when they cannot handle emotional upheaval, even if the caused it.

My kids laughed at me when I told them they should wait until they are 30 before even thinking about getting married. It seemed too long to wait, but as the first two began to have psuedo relationships, they soon understood my proclaimations that they would not be ready for the emotional turmoil often caused when one tries to soon to be committed to another at such a young age.

My daughter is 30 years old and has only recently met someone she is considering having a committed relationship with. I am proud of how she listened to me telling her over the years that she was not emotionally ready for a committed relationship. I think she listened to me, because the people who she was involved with told her the same thing. She often heard them say to her, "You are not affectionate enough." "You don't seem to care whether I'm here or not."

I told her that her fear of intimacy was showing and at the wrong place and time, during her intimate relationships. She was 29 before she sincerely felt she was ready to think about committing to someone.

My 18 year old son has really heeded my cry not to get too involved too early. He has refused to get a steady girlfriend and I must admit leads a drama free existence, while his peers are struggling with petty fights, break-up to make-ups, and emotional turmoil.

My 13 recently told me a classmate of hers told several kids she was sexually active and is now ashamed because she thought it would make her popular, instead, the kids have been cruel and make fun of her. My daughter told me she was asked if she ever planned to have kids. She said she told them, "Yes, after I finish school, and that includes college." Good answer.

We have to talk to our children and tell the truth about marriage. Marriage is for mature adults, not young adults still trying to find their own way in this world. Get to know you, before you get married.