Marriage TKO

Marriage has done nothing to us. We are the one who give marriage a bad name. And it is too bad too, because marriage can be such a wonderful experience. I truly recognize I have been blessed to have the heart and mind to go through with what I started. Yes, I asked my husband to marry me. I felt I deep connection to him on many levels.

I clung to the belief and still do that feelings, especially in personal relationships count very much. I had feelings for him, with him, because of him and I desired to feel they way he makes me feel, forever.

All the stirring of emotion and sorting out of where to place the blame led me to see we were giving marriage a black eye. We weren't really giving marriage a chance. We were too busy trying to get our individual needs met, without giving thought to our vow to take care of the other.

It is my desire to change the paradigm of negative talk against marriage. Even as negative as my marriage has been, and is at times, there is so much beauty and worthiness. My husband and I are worthy of praise for our diligent quest to better understand what keeps us together and to make every effort to model getting along and caring for one another, especially in time of need.

And this is one of those times. Being disabled at such a young age, my husband is even more self-centered and aloof, but for some reason, I really have compassion for him, because I do not know if I could be as strong as he is during his time of weakness. Just his staying here with me has me in awe. I rarely let up and his illnesses would quickly become excuses if I did, so I don't. I take care of him, help, feed him, whatever it takes, but when he comes at me with the dumb s**t, well, let's just say he usually wishes he felt good enough to walk out the door like he would do before the strokes. Oh well, there is always a price to pay.

I changed first. I became to him who I wanted him to be to me. He is modeling, slowly, but he's modeling.

What's most important? Our kids are getting a chance to see real time communication between two people who are committed to making the best out what they have built together.