So Amazing

Once I did get married, a lot of things changed for me. Suddenly, I really wanted to be married and I wanted to be the best mother I could be. I wanted and I wanted. Like so many of us, once I got what I wanted, I remembered why I didn't want it, or maybe should not have wanted it.

When I hit the wall my mother and so many other mothers hit, instead of becomeing bitter and resentful that I had given too much of me, I took me back from those who did not deserve me, I didn't associate with anyone who did not honor me, and I claimed who I was and began to search for the I AM.

I recently went on eHarmony.com and took their profile. Yes, I am married. I didn't join. I just to the free profile because I was curious to know what a standardized test would say about me. I answered all the questions quickly and honestly. I told the truth and when I got to a question that made me question, I questioned and gave my answer.

The results? Agreeableness Taking care of others or taking care of yourself. I must admit, I was a little shocked. I know how crazy I can be, but it seems, I'm crazy in a balanced sort of way. Translated that means, I'll only curse you out if it is necessary.

It said: "You are best described as:" Taking care of others and taking care of youself.

It is so amazing when you learn how to do that. Take care of yourself that is. We all know too well how to take care of others, but what many of us have yet to learn is how to take care of ourselves. Self-love truly is the greatest love of all. Learning to love yourself is a huge, huge thing.

As I read through this assessment, I had flashbacks of when I was mean, lonely, depressed, vindictive, overly sensitive, and desperately seeking the love of another. It was absolutely so amazing when I found out that loving myself would make other want to love me. Well, almost.
Most people cannot stand to be around me because I am direct and open something many women lack.

The profile said of my openness, "You are a very creative and imaginative person who is especially open to new ideas or new ways of thinking about old problems. This is what I discovered about myself that made me decide to be a relationship coach.

"Becaue you are so curious you can also be very teachable." People miss this about me because of my strong personality. They get so caught up in trying to get me to say something in another way, until they miss the brillance of the interaction with me. I am open and willing to learning from you as well, and I will accept your tutaledge in the manner you can best express it. Others rarely give me this consideration. This is one aspect that has kept my husband and me apart. He really wants to change me. He somehow can't believe a person should be as direct and transparent. He is always questioning my motives and rarely accepts anything I ask or say without questioning it. Yet, he would lay down his life for me because he knows I'm just that legit. I submit it is his knowledge of who he is and how he deals with the world that have tainted his belief that people can be really and really mean what they say. Even after twenty-five years of me modeling the fact, his lack of self-awareness, understanding of human nature, and I would venture to say sociopathic tendicies, won't let him see what is right before his eyes. He is constently in my prayers.

Anyway, the profile goes on to say just what I just said, "Not everyone will be thrilled by your adventerous mind. Many people are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well, and with visions they've grown accustomed to of what is and is not true. They're not lit up at the prospect of moving out of their comfort zone. Others are afraid of new ways of thinking and creative ways of solving problems because they are somewhat fragile in the sense that htey have trouble maintaining serenity in their current worlds and don't want someone, like you, for instance, pushing out the edges of their intellectual and cultural cosmos."

Emotional Stability

This is why I really took the test. I wanted to see what it would say about my emotional state. I'm going through a lot and always have. My life has been one test after another. The only break I've ever had was when I was a child, and that only minused the financial responsibility, which is where most of my stress comes from as an adult. I am a writer trying to make it "my way." We all know doing that takes time and patience. I have it, the people around me don't. So they get frustrated because of the way we live, "when I could be making more money." I've made more money. It is not the answer, not if I have to make it for someone else and the cut me off what they say what I do is worth. I'd rather scratch.

What they say about my emotional stability. Responsive
"Your emotions are closer to the surface, and your feelings more obvious to you than in the case with most people. You've got your life in a good lace, your dominant mood is upbeat, and unlesslife has been particularly trying for you, you greatly enjoy the richness and intensity of life that being so open with your emotions brings you."

Wow! This is exactly how I feel most of the time. I was so amazed at how right on this profile was and proud of myself for working on myself to this point.

I'll continue: "Undoubtedly you have met some people who get uncomfortable being around you becaue your feelings are so close to the surface. They may keep a bit of distance, especially around any subject that might trigger an emotional topic they are uncomfortable with. Over time, they might even stay away from you more and more. You will find you have decisions to make, do you temper you style for their comfort or do you hope they will find ways to become more comfortable with emotional expressions? Given the richness that seems to stem from your emotional life the most meaningful respons is probably very apparent to you."

You guessed it. I don't have many friends or associates. People have a very hard being around me, for various reasons, but they all stem from the richness of my emotions. My authentic style often threatens young women in their 20's. Many of them freshly on their own thinking they are grown, then they meet me and feel intimidated. It is such a waste of time. So, how do I handle it, I listen and encourage everyone to find self-love.

What has kept me married?
"You are a cherished companion for those friends who can handle emotions well. They will appreciate the candor with which you express even difficult feelings like anger and fear. Your openness will make intimate conversations even more intimate, andmake the connections between you as friends deeper and stronger. Some people who have trouble expressing their feelings might tind in you a good example of how to be more vulnerable and more open. Your willingness and ability to share your emotions could encourage them to share theirs, and invite them into ways of being friends that will help enrich their lives."

Isn't it amazing! So amazing! When you affirm yourself, things around you seem to also. In closing, it also said I was conscientious, focused or flexible.

I forgot about this. I was really surprised the test picked up on this:"Lucky you! You enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy the company of others." It said I'm can be outgoing or reserved. Which explains why reading and writing are favorite things to do, just as much as dancing, acting in plays, and going to concerts.