Why?

I had someone ask me, "Why did you write this?" after reading book one in the series Get Out of the Way! Claim god's Will for Your Marriage. He could not imagine why I would want anyone to know the things I have revealed in the books. By no means is it really my choice to do so, as much as it is my purpose, one of the many reasons I live.

I have been given a fearless heart and a willing soul. I have no reservations about letting God use my life. There is not much else I would do with it. It is because of this burning inside me to maintain a relationship with my mostly estranged husband, that includes us remaining in the same household, that keeps me intrigued, that really wants to know if we can do it. Can we be civil, even loving? Can we sleep together, each knowing how far apart we really are, except in one area, parenting.

It took me a while to figure out what I really wanted when I got married. I remember clearly telling my mother I would never have children, or get married. I was nine years old. By then, I had grown tired of the strained look on my mothers face. It didn't take me long to figure out it was the husband, the kids, and her trying to live her life. I didn't want to work so hard. I didn't want the emotional aspects. I didn't want.

Then the era of AIDS hit. I was devastated. I could no longer feel free to love freely. I decided I wanted to marry. Once I made that decision, I realized I was young and would probably meet someone who would want children. When I met my husband, we talked about our expectations. He had very few and so did I, but the one area where we both had very definite ideas about what we wanted had to do with parenting.

I am so amazed how right we got it. No, we haven't been perfect parents by any means, and yet we have somehow raised the perfect children. Yeah, our daughter is 13 and over 300 pounds, but we have learned through trial and error the proper foods and ways to prepare it to help her her balance out some from the effects of diabetes, sleep apnea, asthma, and food addiction. Even with all her help problems, she is a bubbly, happy, girl, who wants to be an entertainer. She sings in chorus and a church choir. She loves the read and has read all the Twilight books three times. She is very diplomatic and manner able. She is precious.

My Sonny? He is 18 and a very handsome young man. He is choosing to be lazy in many ways and I am giving him his space. He is also prone to develop diabetes and refuses to cut back on the carbs, sugar, etc. He is a smart kid that listens to his mother. Get this, he has my name tattooed on his forearm. I was blown away. I couldn't believe it. He said, "Mom, you were always there for me." I wrote a book for my Sonny title You Can Be. I wanted him to have something to hold on to when I'm gone from this world.

We did good, my husband and me. We were able to keep it together for 20 years. On December the 25th it will be 20.5 years. I wonder if we will make it to 21?