Stand UP

I am standing up for myself. There is no self-pity in my body. I am a winner and will continue to win as long as I remain confident that I am truly a deserving child of God.

There are always forces coming at you, trying to keep you down. Don't let them. Stand up!

So Tired

I must admit I am tired of thinking about my marriage and constantly checking its pulse for signs of life. For the most part I'm cool, but the work that has to go into keeping things that way is amazing, yet necessary.

Still, I'm tired and I'm gonna take a break.

He Don't Like Women

When men don't like women, they are usually afraid of them. They don't understand the females, thus they are disparaging and condescending.

Ask yourself:

1. Does he believe woman was born to serve and service man?
2. Does he "own" her?
3. Is he born to give her orders?
4. Is she supposed to obey him?
5. Is woman innately dumb? Without opinions worth listening to.
6. What are his attitudes about shared responsibilities, about decision making, household and child-rearing chores, job-holding and how the money is used?
7. if dinner isn't on the table at 6:02, will he help or hit?
8. How secure is he? Is he so insecure that he's go to devalue his mate in order to inflate his ego?
9. Does he make a show of being supersecure, taking command of situations and people? The woman in his life--does she feel that as long as she's nearly perfect, everything will be all right? What will happen if she's herself? What is he like when he's angry? When he hears a differing viewpoint?
10. What is know about violence in his family? Ask, are you afraid too?

Many women do not know their husbands family history. He may not be willing to tell you that his dad beat his mom every night. Women need to know that no one has the right to abuse another person. Everyone has the right to develop into the person they are meant to be, to make changes and decisions about their own lives. We all have the right to our own thoughts and feelings and to learn new ways of thinking and behaving.

If you are in a bad situation, know this:

1. I do not cause another person's violent behavior.
2. I do not like or want to be beaten.
3. I do not have to take it.
4. I am an important human being.
5. I deserve to be treated with respect.
6. I do have power over my own life.
7. I can use my power to take good care of myself.
8. I can decide what is best for me.
9. I can make changes in my life if I want to.
10. I am not alone; I can ask others for help.
11. I am worth working for and changing for.
12. I deserve a safe and healthy life.
13. I have the right to live in the safety and calm of a violence free home
14. I have the right to personal happiness without interference.I have the right to live in my own house without being molested or injured.

1. 
   

Resentment

I have mentioned my books Get Out of the Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage several times. What I have not talked about is how I came to the decision to get out of the way.

Back in 1997, I made a decision that rendered my husband homeless. We had just moved to a new city and neither one of us knew anyone. He returned to his hometown, then 18 months, after doing much soul searching and ultimately realizing and accepting I was wrong, he returned home.

Little did I know he had done some thinking also and made a vow to himself that he'd never be put out without somewhere to go. Thus, he developed a relationship with another woman, or so he claims this is the only reason she is still in his life six years later.

Whether this is the real reason for the other woman or not, what stands out to me is even though I did all I could do to make him know I was wrong and that I wanted to make it right, the resentment had set in back in 1997, and all my efforts were for naught, when it came to savaging our personal relationship.

He has been trying to make me pay for my wrongs of the past. The very wrongs I have been working to rectify. When I found out for sure that my efforts were for nothing, I was crushed. It made me feel like a fool initially. I guess all human beings have to go through that, but I quickly turned it around and looked at the outcome as I do every other outcome, it is what it is. I did what I thought was right. No, what I know was right. I tried to savage the marriage I helped to destroy, and it did not work out like I had hoped.

His resentment served as a shield that kept him from accepting the changes I had made. He didn't accept my tearful apologies, my efforts to help him feel secure with me, or my humble attempts to honor his place as head of the household. Resentment robbed me of the opportunity to find a husband in the man I married.

Resentment in a marriage has the same effects that roaches and termites can have on a house. Once they are in you can almost never get them out. Consistent treatment and attention to the infestation is the only way to get on top of them.

Resentment in a marriage is even harder to get rid of. My husband isn't aware of how angry with and resentful of me he is. He has created a situation that has caused the one thing he was trying to keep from happening, happen. This is what we do to ourselves when we seek to blame others for how our lives turn out. Had he been the husband he should have been I would not have made the decision I made. He doesn't look at it that way because he can only be a victim.

Well, I am not a victim. I am a conqueror. I wouldn't trade my life to save my life. I love the choices I've made because each of them have brought me closer to the greatest love of all. Loving myself.