New Way of Thinking

I have lost 10 pounds since May. I noticed it in my clothes. I went to the doctor Monday and she seems reluctant to believe that I have been able to lose weight just by making the decision to do so. I simply, yes simply, stopped eating so much. That is all I have done. I was diagnosed with severe arthritis, so I stopped the exercising I was doing because I was in so much pain afterwards.

I also realized I needed to lose weight to help take some of the pressure off my knees. For the first time in my life I feel weak and incapable of doing certain things. This has been devastating for me in many ways. First of all, I am an avid dancer. I would dance all the time at home. Now, before I bust a move I ask myself if the pain afterwards is worth it. I limit my dancing to when I go out and will have time to recuperate from having a good time. I am deeply saddened over the loss of mobility.

I made a decision to think differently and that meant I had to give up my fat girl mentality. I had to change the way I thought about food and how much I thought I wanted or needed. I found I don't need as much as I thought I did. I also stopped using certain oils, condiments, etc. These things add unnecessary calories and unwanted pounds.

When I was 15, my uncle Al looked at me and said, "Girl, all you need to do is push away from the table." I remember running from the room crying because I felt he was being cruel. In a way he was because he hadn't seen me in years and he blurted that out before he even said Hi. Whether he was being cruel or not, he was right and now all these years later, more mature, I am doing just what he suggested and it is working.

I had to change my fat girl mentality. I had to stop beating myself up and I had to learn to love me right where I am now and stop wishing some miracle would take the unwanted pounds off. Although the numbers on the scale say I should be worried, my internal numbers are great. Cholesterol 195, blood sugar 72, triglycerides 89, yes, I am bragging. I am at least 80 pounds over my ideal weight, but my internal functioning is that of a healthy person and that is what matters most. The numbers on the scale are slowly reflecting the effort I have put into changing the way I think.