It Really Can Get Better With Time

Things can get better with time because we can get better with time. The other day my husband and I were talking about how neither one of us have to true model for divorce in our families. His parents are the only couple on his side of the family to divorce, even though years later they got back together and are to this day.

On my side, I have an uncle who divorced and he too is back with his wife who he had been married to for 25 years. My husband immediately said, "Well, anyway, their divorce didn't affect me." Before I could open my mouth, he recanted stating, "Yes it did. It did have an effect on me." I was very proud of him. For years he would argue with me how his parents splitting didn't cause much of the disarray he found himself in at 15. He wanted to believe he made the choice to sleep in cars, in basements, alleys, wherever someone would let him, because his parents were no longer thinking of the children.

For years he hung on to the belief that he was in control of his decisions. That he somehow wanted to be on his own making a life full of mistakes and regrets because he had no parental guidance. By the time I came into his life, he was a felon with low self-esteem and even less hope. I was hopeful, but my self-esteem was just as low. Although my parents had not divorced legally, their emotional divorce was not as amicable as it could have been, so they were very distant and disrespectful towards each other at times.

This gave me a great distaste for marriage in my early years. I have come to appreciate their efforts to keep our family together despite their obviously disliking of each other. It made an important impact on how my siblings and I view and move through the world. It gave us a sense of being worthy because my parents were adult enough to recognize their happiness was up to them and they were obligated to give us the best life possible.

My husband and I talk openly for the most part. He still tries to use projection, denial, and silence to make it through the rough times. I give him time to come around, but I never drop a subject that is important. If it takes years, I make sure we work through stuff.

It really can get better with time and our relationship is an example of that possibility.