I really do mean it when I say I am glad my husband lived to see another birthday. I did not get to talk to him and I did not buy him anything. I did think of asking the kids did they want to get him something, but I decided not to. I am really out of it. I am done with helping him out and making sure he is taken care of.
I have the same feelings for him as I always have. I want the best for him, but I do not have to be the one who is there to facilitate that the best happens. He was unable to accept what I had to offer him. No matter the circumstances, I gave my best and I know, believe and accept this. There are no regrets.
I really mean it when I say I truly hope my husband is able to find happiness and understanding in his life. He gave me what I needed to evaluate the quality of my life. His actions helped motivate me towards the greatness I always knew was there. His inability to love me opened my eyes to the reality that every heart does not beat for love. Not everyone is able to allow themselves to be used by our Creator to edify others.
I really mean it when I say I will not stay with anyone husband, child, friend, parent, who does not edify me. I was born to win, losers need not apply.
Showing posts with label glory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label glory. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Gluttony All Gone
I feel pretty secure when I say I am no longer in danger of overeating. I have not gained weight in over seven years and it truly has been the Spirit of God that has changed my ways. Learning to love myself was the key.
As long as I harbored any ill will towards myself, I was unable to successfully combat gluttony. Once I surrendered to God's will and accepted my worthiness, my life changed. Today, I am more than a conqueror. I have learned to deny my flesh and have been rewarded by not overindulging in food.
Gluttony all gone!
As long as I harbored any ill will towards myself, I was unable to successfully combat gluttony. Once I surrendered to God's will and accepted my worthiness, my life changed. Today, I am more than a conqueror. I have learned to deny my flesh and have been rewarded by not overindulging in food.
Gluttony all gone!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Why You Can Love; When You Can't Trust
The great thing about love is it does not need any other emotion to survive. Nothing makes love better or worse because love surpasses better or worse. Trust has nothing to do with love either. Trust is about you, not the other person. It is inevitable someone we trust will disappoint us. The more they stay within the parameters of what we expect, we develop what we feel is the ability to trust them. It may be, but we must no lean on the belief it will always be that way.
Each of us have a mission, a person in this life. It is solely our responsibility to recognize, accept, or reject what we have chosen. Whether you know it our not, it is your choices that make up what will become your life, after you are on your own, of course. Most of us are slaves to what others want from us when we are young, but once we become "grown" it is our choices that make or brake us.
I chose the wrong man to marry plain and simple. There is nothing remarkable about that, or surprising. What is remarkable and surprising is I chose to stick with the mistake and let it play itself out because I sincerely felt that was part of my purpose in life. I was so into what was unfolding that when the end came, I was in shock. I was ready and poised to ride it to death did us part.
Even though as I was going through the valley, I would sometimes question whether what I was experiencing was really meant to be forever, I did it anyway. I stayed the coarse, even though I knew I could not trust him.
I could not trust my husband from the day I met him, but I rarely acted like it. I always chose to let it go, to forgive. In the beginning, it would take me months to get to forgiveness. As the years went by, I got to forgiveness much faster, until my forgiveness muscle was rock strong and fully firing. I can forgive immediately now. Without hesitation, you are forgiven, unless I chose not to, of course.
Once I understood, that for me, trust became an issue of how I handled disappointment. That my faith required me to lean on God, not man. What I believe calls for me to do the right thing for the right things sake, not because of what I may/ or may not gain from doing so. You have to love to be able to trust. Trust cannot come before love and when it does the relationship will most definitely not last.
For many, a break in trust is all about them. They rarely take the time to really try to understand why they person is not able to be trustworthy. Most people are not because self-preservation is so strong. People will put you down in a minute, if it means they will gain. We see this time and time again, but do not recognize it for what it truly is. Spiritual warfare! No one really wants to be though of as untrustworthy, but when their soul ain't right, they are libel to do anything. I learned this lesson well with my husband.
Each of us have a mission, a person in this life. It is solely our responsibility to recognize, accept, or reject what we have chosen. Whether you know it our not, it is your choices that make up what will become your life, after you are on your own, of course. Most of us are slaves to what others want from us when we are young, but once we become "grown" it is our choices that make or brake us.
I chose the wrong man to marry plain and simple. There is nothing remarkable about that, or surprising. What is remarkable and surprising is I chose to stick with the mistake and let it play itself out because I sincerely felt that was part of my purpose in life. I was so into what was unfolding that when the end came, I was in shock. I was ready and poised to ride it to death did us part.
Even though as I was going through the valley, I would sometimes question whether what I was experiencing was really meant to be forever, I did it anyway. I stayed the coarse, even though I knew I could not trust him.
I could not trust my husband from the day I met him, but I rarely acted like it. I always chose to let it go, to forgive. In the beginning, it would take me months to get to forgiveness. As the years went by, I got to forgiveness much faster, until my forgiveness muscle was rock strong and fully firing. I can forgive immediately now. Without hesitation, you are forgiven, unless I chose not to, of course.
Once I understood, that for me, trust became an issue of how I handled disappointment. That my faith required me to lean on God, not man. What I believe calls for me to do the right thing for the right things sake, not because of what I may/ or may not gain from doing so. You have to love to be able to trust. Trust cannot come before love and when it does the relationship will most definitely not last.
For many, a break in trust is all about them. They rarely take the time to really try to understand why they person is not able to be trustworthy. Most people are not because self-preservation is so strong. People will put you down in a minute, if it means they will gain. We see this time and time again, but do not recognize it for what it truly is. Spiritual warfare! No one really wants to be though of as untrustworthy, but when their soul ain't right, they are libel to do anything. I learned this lesson well with my husband.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Waiting to Exhale
I really watched the movie Waiting to Exhale yesterday. I kept referring back to how I related to it the first time I watched it. When I saw it the first time, I cheered on Bernie as she destroyed her husband's things and sold them for a $1. Now, I only see waste of emotion, time, energy, money. Today, I think she should have just been glad to know, dealt with her hurt and pain, and yes, I do believe she should have gotten what she deserved.
She did help him get to where he was and she deserved to be compensated for it. She didn't have the right to hurt him because he hurt her.
Gloria: I only related to how she related to food. I've never been the desperate, clingy type.
Whitney Houston's character didn't affect me much either. I didn't struggle with not having a man and I most definitely was not into married men. When she came to her senses, it made me feel good.
The other girl, pure foolishness. She meant it when she said she wanted everything, not knowing that translated into nothing, because she didn't know who she was.
Ironically, I related most to the Wesley Snipes character. When he described how he was watching his wife die, it really struck a cord, (as I listen to my husband vomit right now). His revelation that he loved his wife and that he would never leave her. All that sounded like something I'm living.
I get what other people see, but they don't know and what they don't know makes all the difference in the world. My husband will be loved until the day he dies. We are all here for him doing our best to make sure he knows that. My children are getting a great lesson in unconditional love. I know God's plan for me and I'm just waiting to exhale.
She did help him get to where he was and she deserved to be compensated for it. She didn't have the right to hurt him because he hurt her.
Gloria: I only related to how she related to food. I've never been the desperate, clingy type.
Whitney Houston's character didn't affect me much either. I didn't struggle with not having a man and I most definitely was not into married men. When she came to her senses, it made me feel good.
The other girl, pure foolishness. She meant it when she said she wanted everything, not knowing that translated into nothing, because she didn't know who she was.
Ironically, I related most to the Wesley Snipes character. When he described how he was watching his wife die, it really struck a cord, (as I listen to my husband vomit right now). His revelation that he loved his wife and that he would never leave her. All that sounded like something I'm living.
I get what other people see, but they don't know and what they don't know makes all the difference in the world. My husband will be loved until the day he dies. We are all here for him doing our best to make sure he knows that. My children are getting a great lesson in unconditional love. I know God's plan for me and I'm just waiting to exhale.
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