Born Two Win II

I really do believe we are all born to win. According to authors of "Born to Win," Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward, "When we refer to a person as a "winner," we don't mean one who beat the other people by winning over them and making them lose. To us, a winner is one who responds AUTHENTICALLY by being credible, trustworthy, responsive and genuine both as an individual and as a member of society." Although all people are born to win, they are also born helpless. It is the winners successfully make the transition from total helplessness to independence and then to interdependence. Losers do not."

When you read this, I am sure there are a lot of losers who come to mind. Many people, way too many people live unauthentic. They not only lie to others but they lie to themselves. Indifference is the order of the day and people can't wait to hide behind an excuse not to be the best citizen they can.

So many people give up their rights to happiness by being unwilling to look at what they bring to their lives and the lives of others. "To cope with unhappy experiences, children learn to manipulate themselves and others," says James and Jongeward. "These manipulative techniques are hard to give up later in life and often become set patterns. Winners work to shed these patterns. Loser hang onto them."

This plays out in my marriage vividly. Oh yes, I am the winner and my husband is the loser. He fits their definition perfectly.

A Loser- seldom lives life in the present; instead he destroys the present by focusing on past memories or future expectations.

A Loser-who lives in the past may lament if only: "If only I had married someone else..." or "If only I had a different job..." "If only I had different parents..."

A Loser- who lives constantly under the dread of future catastrophe may conjure up expectations of what if: "What if I lose my job..." or "What if they don't like me..." or "What if I make a mistake..."

I often say to my "only if, what if husband," "If "if" was a fifth, we'd all be drunk."

What if?

What if you stop saying what if? You'd just might find out what could happen. People like my husband have learned to rape life. They have learned to leave little of worth behind with the people they encounter. They have no remorse because they lack the authenticity to be aware that they are being fake. They are so used to manipulating, lying and cheating, until they think everyone is the same or expects to be taken advantage of.

25 years later, I could care less about the reasons why he's the way he is, as much as I care about whether he is willing to discover and change his losing streak.