My attempts to rectify some of the wrongs I carried out in my marriage failed. I've spent the last seven years trying to turn around some behaviors that ruined my relationship with my husband.
He was not willing, or able to forgive me, so he set out to hurt me and make me pay. He succeeded in successfully hurting me and making it impossible for me to believe in us ever having anything meaningful together outside our lives as parents.
My own stuff helped ruin my marriage. My own insecurities, inadequacies, ignorance, lack of humility, inability to love and to be loved. I held on to these things for way too long. Even though I am a firm believer that everything happens just as it should, I can't help but think about how things could have turned out had I been more relationship worthy.
There are many reasons why I was the way I was, none of which make any difference at this point. I did my best and I am actually proud of the progress I've made, but it is too late for our marriage to survive in any real way. The damage has been done. Thankfully, we are both mature enough to live together and raise our daughter. We both feel strongly our kids should be reared in a two parent home.
My own stuff kept me from being able to get what I needed out of my relationship. His stuff is keeping him from respecting the honest effort I have made. It is what it is.
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