Raising Babies

I am almost done rearing my last child. She is a delight, but I am so tired of being a mother. I started too early. I was way too serious too young and now that I am almost 50, I'm ready to play.

I am ready to explore who I am without the day-to-day dealing with children who I am responsible for. I am ready to play.

I don't even know what play would look like on me. The things I consider fun have very little to do with others, but I feel drawn to another way of life. Something less structured and restrictive. I am ready to play.

So, I'll spend the next four years designing the life I want and learning how to play. By the time she's ready to go to college, I should have it all mapped out.

Do What You Say You Are Going to Do

"be mature, firm in your commitments, generous and unshaken in the face of difficulty. So you will become capable of the great works your zeal makes you long for."

I always wanted to be an adult. I hated childhood. My father would say, "You are going to regret not learning how to play. You'll be in your 50's wanting to revisit you childhood."

I just laughed at him because deep down I know, when I'm 50 I'll be able to handle play. Play was tragic for me. Playing Monopoly with my siblings always led to cheating and arguments. Playing games became something a shunned. The man who molested me used "play" to groom me for his disturbed pleasures.

My parents could never play a game without an argument. I witnessed a man get shot during a game of craps because he was short 50 cents. It would never fail that there would be a fight after a school game, or dance. It seemed to me as a kid, fun led to pain.

But now that I am almost 50, I am really ready to play. I am in control. I can so yes or no, or even maybe.

So even though I am mature and firm in my commitments, I know I can let loose if I want to and not feel as though I cannot get back to me. Having found this balance in my life make me capable of doing the great works I truly do long for.

Be committed to fun today.