Winners vs Losers

THE WINNER-IS ALWAYS A PART OF THE ANSWER;
THE LOSER-IS ALWAYS A PART OF THE PROBLEM.

THE WINNER- ALWAYS HAS A PROGRAM;
THE LOSER-ALWAYS HAS AN EXCUSE

THE WINNER-SAYS "LET ME DO IT FOR YOU;"
THE LOSER-SAYS "THAT'S NOT MY JOB;"

THE WINNER-SEES AN ANSWER FOR EVERY PROBLEM;
THE LOSER-SEES A PROBLEM IN EVERY ANSWER;

THE WINNER-SEES A GREEN NEAR EVERY SAND TRAP;
THE LOSER-SEES TWO OR THREE SAND TRAPS NEAR EVERY GREEN;

THE WINNER-SAYS "IT MAY BE DIFFICULT BUT IT'S POSSIBLE;"
THE LOSER-SAYS, "iT MAY BE POSSIBLE BUT IT'S TOO DIFFICULT;"

IDENTIFY YOURSELF! DO IT NOW!
ARE YOU A WINNER OR LOSER?

You Don't Know Him

One of the biggest problems I have with our gender is when we meet a man we think we want to be with, we begin to think we know him, because we want or desire to be with him. The more time we spend with him, the more we are convinced we have him pegged. When in reality, you never, never, never, really know anyone.

When things came to light about my husband, I found myself scratching my head. Here I was with a man who I had known for over a decade, but in an instant I found out I didn't know jack.
I began to do research on the male psyche and began with reading "Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man," a book written by Sam Keen he is a Theologian and has written several books an the subject.

What I found so facinating was how much I had taken for granted about men based on having absolutely no knowledge of them. Like so many other women I based what I thought I knew on what I knew to be true for me. I had not given any thought to the uniqueness of malesness. There are some very realistic differences between the sexes. After reading this book, I backed all the way up and accepted I was very wrong for assuming I knew what men are like, what they go through, or even what they need.

We need to study long and hard about maleness and stop projecting our femininity on men.

Authenticity

I make no apologies for who I am. Just as it has others, life has shaped me. Unfortunately, some of the brightest people still have problems letting others be who they are. They bring to conversations their preconceived ideas about what should and should not happen at even given moment. When others do not fit into their idea of what should be, they immediately have a problem with the person.

This happens to me a lot. Because I fear no man. Because I know, that I know , that I know. I do not respond they way others feel I should and I have to be subjected to them telling me how I should have responded to this, that, or the other.

No one has the right to dictate what comes out of another person's mouth. If you don't like what is said, that is one thing, but to actually tell a person what they could have said, or should have said is out of line and disrespectful in itself. I take people at face value and if I find I cannot handle what they are putting down, then I put them down.

I don't make it a habit of allowing myself to be dictated to and that is a good thing. I'd really be crazy if I listened to all the people who want to tell me how to express myself, what to wear, how to walk into a room. I mean really, who has the time to worry about what others think?

We are living in a marvelous time that will go down in history as one of the most unusual decades for destruction and growth. Our economy is taking its beatings and we are having to rely more on less and deal with it. What will you contribute to this marvelous time in history? What will you learn about yourself? How will you adapt to the New World Order? It is time we all learn to do our own thing and leave other people's alone.

Born Two Win II

I really do believe we are all born to win. According to authors of "Born to Win," Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward, "When we refer to a person as a "winner," we don't mean one who beat the other people by winning over them and making them lose. To us, a winner is one who responds AUTHENTICALLY by being credible, trustworthy, responsive and genuine both as an individual and as a member of society." Although all people are born to win, they are also born helpless. It is the winners successfully make the transition from total helplessness to independence and then to interdependence. Losers do not."

When you read this, I am sure there are a lot of losers who come to mind. Many people, way too many people live unauthentic. They not only lie to others but they lie to themselves. Indifference is the order of the day and people can't wait to hide behind an excuse not to be the best citizen they can.

So many people give up their rights to happiness by being unwilling to look at what they bring to their lives and the lives of others. "To cope with unhappy experiences, children learn to manipulate themselves and others," says James and Jongeward. "These manipulative techniques are hard to give up later in life and often become set patterns. Winners work to shed these patterns. Loser hang onto them."

This plays out in my marriage vividly. Oh yes, I am the winner and my husband is the loser. He fits their definition perfectly.

A Loser- seldom lives life in the present; instead he destroys the present by focusing on past memories or future expectations.

A Loser-who lives in the past may lament if only: "If only I had married someone else..." or "If only I had a different job..." "If only I had different parents..."

A Loser- who lives constantly under the dread of future catastrophe may conjure up expectations of what if: "What if I lose my job..." or "What if they don't like me..." or "What if I make a mistake..."

I often say to my "only if, what if husband," "If "if" was a fifth, we'd all be drunk."

What if?

What if you stop saying what if? You'd just might find out what could happen. People like my husband have learned to rape life. They have learned to leave little of worth behind with the people they encounter. They have no remorse because they lack the authenticity to be aware that they are being fake. They are so used to manipulating, lying and cheating, until they think everyone is the same or expects to be taken advantage of.

25 years later, I could care less about the reasons why he's the way he is, as much as I care about whether he is willing to discover and change his losing streak.

Do What You Say You Are Going to Do

"be mature, firm in your commitments, generous and unshaken in the face of difficulty. So you will become capable of the great works your zeal makes you long for."

I always wanted to be an adult. I hated childhood. My father would say, "You are going to regret not learning how to play. You'll be in your 50's wanting to revisit you childhood."

I just laughed at him because deep down I know, when I'm 50 I'll be able to handle play. Play was tragic for me. Playing Monopoly with my siblings always led to cheating and arguments. Playing games became something a shunned. The man who molested me used "play" to groom me for his disturbed pleasures.

My parents could never play a game without an argument. I witnessed a man get shot during a game of craps because he was short 50 cents. It would never fail that there would be a fight after a school game, or dance. It seemed to me as a kid, fun led to pain.

But now that I am almost 50, I am really ready to play. I am in control. I can so yes or no, or even maybe.

So even though I am mature and firm in my commitments, I know I can let loose if I want to and not feel as though I cannot get back to me. Having found this balance in my life make me capable of doing the great works I truly do long for.

Be committed to fun today.

Everybody Plays the Fool, Sometimes

It is so true. Everybody who is smart enough to know they are nothing if they do not love and are not loved, will play the fool at some point in their lives.

For me, I decided I'd stay with the one who made a fool out of me. Since he was so smart, I wanted to see if he could finally figure out how to really get rid of me. Ultimately, he decided it was he, who was the fool and has decided it is cheaper to keep her (me).

You cannot allow yourself the luxury of not sharing your heart and soul with someone. Yes, it is a luxury not to love. Love can be pretty grueling. You really have to be ready to be a catch all, or sometimes you're the pitcher in the game of love. Either way, somebody is going to be hurt in some way. What we must do is recognize to experience love, you must know pain. To be happy, you have to have been sad. What comes around does go around. Sometimes faster than we'd like.

But when it is love we are dishing out, it doesn't matter. Love does conquer all. Love is the key. All we do need is love, love really is all we need. So what if you get your heart broken, be glad you are alive and can feel. Don't stop giving love because one person wasn't able to accept it. There is someone who will not only accept it, but give it back to you.

Yes, everybody plays the fool, sometimes, and no, there are no exceptions to this rule.

It's Your Ego Talking Boyce

It is so easy to feel as though President Obama and Attorney General Holder are chastizing black men. So what if they are? Men have to be able to take the scrutiny from their brothers. This is the biggest problem with male bonding. There is a tendancy to let each other slide.



Had Tiger Woods had a real male friend he would have stopped Tiger long ago. A woman's girlfriend would have at the least, slipped and let her girl know she thought she was a hoe. We all know the reasons, but at this point they are excuses. Brother need to be raised by their parents, or parent, whatever the situation. So many are allowed to do whatever boys do, and depending on the environment, it very well may not be much.



Another reason I stay in my marriage is because I figured out what President Obama and Atty. Gen. Holder are talking about when they say men are "behaving like little boys" by not staying home with their families. They are right. Too many woman let their spouses off the hook, when they should fight it out and help him understand the importance of staying in her/their house and taking care of her/their children. The strongest of the species are capable of doing this. It is innate in our human make-up.



Fear of emotional pain causes us to only find more emotional pain. We cannot figure it out. Pain is the biggest part of it. Learning to manage the painful experiences of life is all that is required. You cannot run from that which is set in your path by our life's circumstances. You can change the circumstances and this is the only path-growth. Learning to apply what you learn.



What has to happen is men and women need to learn more about each other. Some things that cause strain in our relationships have to do with who we are at the core of our existence. Both sexes need to understand more, empathize more, so they can deal with the things they can change.



Men behave like little boys in relationships when they clearly use opportunities to be anywhere but home. Hanging out with the home boys, playing video games, strip clubbing, clubbing, all these thing are play time activities and many men carry these activities with them into the marriage. They just don't fit. These things have to become back burner activities when you marry.



Ways Women Let Their Men Off the Hook

1. We feel we are the only ones who understand how to take care of children.
This is a real tragedy. So many women buy into the gender role BS until they actuallybelieve they are the only sex that can raise children effectively.

2. We think we are the only ones who should decorate the house.
This may sound silly to you, but women who completely dominate the decor of a house is setting herself up for failure. Your mate should be included in every aspect of maintaining the home.

3. Not telling him what we need.
So many women let men off the hook when they expect him to read their minds. When the man does not respond how they think he should, they form resentments and hold grudges, which turns him off and most often to another.

4. Keeping quiet when you know he is doing wrong.
Overlooking wrongs, hurts, slights, disrespect is something many women do. Not because they love unconditionally, but because they usually don't know themselves enough to stand up for themselves in the proper way. Speak up!

5. Sharing information with family and friends.
Men use this to go to other people and complain about you not coming to him. Not being open with your spouse will lead to disaster, one way or the other.

Our egos are often our worse enemies. President is correct when he says men need to grow up and when need to hold them accountable for their growth.