Why The Whole Town Is Laughing at My Husband

My husband had a good thing, when he chose me as his wife. As much as he wants to believe I could have been better, he knows he had the best. Yet, throughout our 26 years of being married, he was unable to appreciate me.

He finally made it clear he was unable to respect me and I did what any self-respecting individual would do, I removed myself from his presence. Now, he's lonely, alone and the whole town is laughing at him, they are wondering, "Silly fool, how'd he lose such a good thing."

I won't take credit for the title. It is taken from a Teddy Pendergrass song released in the 70's, but it is so fitting to what is going on in my marriage.

My husband always wanted to be a player, but there was a side of him that wanted to be a family man. Unfortunately, because of how he was raised and how society perpetuates "Boys will be boys," he thought he would be able to live a dual life and get away with it.

Because I am a praying wife, a forgiving wife, and an understanding wife; he took all those times I said, "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone," lightly.

Today, I had to let him know The past eight months of no intimacy between us is an example of how it will be the rest of our lives, whether we divorce or not. We will not live together, sleep together, or ever make love with each other again.

Bonnie Raitt said it best, "I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't."

This is true in his case. Because he does not love himself, he couldn't love me. It took me years to fully understand this, but now I got it. As a matter of fact, I don't want him if he does not love himself. Living with him all those years taught me it just doesn't work. Self-love is key to being able to love someone else. It is a must. Everything else is artificial, make believe, a lie.

I told him he has always been the only man for me, but I will do without him before I allow him to ever hurt me again. It is painful to see him and not be able to give him me, but he made it this way and I am going to leave it as it is. I will be alone the rest of my life if necessary, but he can't have another minute of my life.

He will always have a special place in my heart, but never again in my bed.

Give and Take, Take and Give

God appreciates us most when we learn the ebb and flow of give and take. Leaning too much towards either side is a sign of wanting to be in control of that other than ourselves. We must allow others to show us love. Being the giver is great, but not to be able to receive means your giving is in vain.

What is the point of spreading love if you cannot accept it when it comes back to you? This is the way God ensures we get what we deserve in this life. Being a gracious giver is important. It is also just as important to be able to receive from others.

I was one of those people who didn't know how to take a compliment. I didn't want anyone doing anything for me. Wouldn't let folk help me and got angry sometimes when people tried. It took a true revelation of the fact I was being taken for granted that showed me I was not allowing others to do for me.

I began to replay all the times I could have asked for help and didn't. I could have easily been turning away folk God sent especially for me. Just the thought makes me quiver. If you're willing to give it, you've got to be open to taking it, especially if it is love.

Can We Just Get Along?

He said he contacted me because he wants us to be "cordial." I can do that, especially since we still have a teenager to rear. There is no need for animosity. I am free of the daily torture I was experiencing and I am thankful for the break. He looks like death, but there is nothing I can do about that, for he has made the choices that has led to this unfortunate situation.

He needs his family, but he doesn't know it because he's stuck on stupid, thinking he is in control. Now he has responsibilities he never had, things to remember someone else would normally take care of, and loss of affection and companionship. He has to live this way to know there were better days.

Yes, I will get along with you, but I will not allow you to drag me into your unbelievable darkness. We all have our path. He is a person foremost and he has to make his own way. Maybe not having me will make the path clearer.

Love Is Not Enough

Love is not enough, even though it is all we need; being human requires use to want so much more. That is why we can love someone and not respect them, or we can respect them and not love them. Rarely does love and respect go hand and hand, especially in a marriage because you know so much about the other person. Yes, things you cannot respect.

My marriage is in shambles. Lack of trust and respect has damaged it and it very well may be beyond repair. Neither one of us want a divorce, we've long been passed the desire to go through that procedure, but we both know we need to be separated.

I know and feel deep in my heart I'll never love the way I have loved my husband. First of all, I doubt I'd ever meet someone as hard to love as he. I know God wouldn't do that to me twice in a lifetime. Now that I have learned to love him, it's liking him that he just won't let me do. I don't think I ever really could like him because he is not the kind of person I like.

He's selfish, self-centered, uneducated, and content with mediocrity. He isn't willing to push himself beyond his comfort zone and he's way too comfortable with things I'm not even willing to entertain. Still, I love him dearly. That's the power of the spirit of love. It can take us over and make it impossible to think of anyone else.

Love is never enough. I knew this at a young age and now that I'll be 50 years old soon, I have found that even though I believe in love, I want someone who respects me. Someone who I can trust. At this point in my life, I'd much rather have those qualities than to be "in love." Love clouds the true issues, and to a certain extent I think that is great, but it often taken too far, for too long and all you end up being is bitter and lonely because you went with a feeling instead of dealing with reality. We all need to be cared for properly.

My love has been used against me time and time again. I've been taken advantage of because they knew I loved them and have a peacemaking heart ready to forgive and start again. Not this time, they'll have to get in line because I'm coming out in full force looking for the respect I deserve, because love is never enough.

Honesty

Someone on my job asked me to lie for them because they did not do what they were supposed to do. I was completely speechless. It literally took a over a minute to respond. Not only because of what they wanted me to lie about, but because of who asked me. I rarely consider anyone I work with a friend, but I actually liked this person and I thought we could be.

The fact he would ask me to lie still blows my mind. I am a person of high personal integrity. I monitor my own actions because I don't want to be misunderstood when it comes to doing certain things. I thought this person at least understood that.

The problem stems from the fact he is a white man, used to feeling entitled and merely looked at me as a means to an end. Like most white folk I know, he was willing to exploit me for his own personal gain. This is why I have so few dealings with them. I have found no matter how much they claim to like and respect you, when they want something, you're in the way, or you're gonna be used.

I literally could lose my job if I had done what he wanted me to do. Why can't people choose to be more honest?