My oldest daughter is 32 years old today. She is so wonderful and kind to me. I am always amazed how much she has grown into a strong, positive, self-assured female.
We have become friends which is interesting considering I've always fought against it. I firmly believe the lines should not be blurred between parents and their children is at all possible, yet I do consider her a friend, as much as she considers me one.
We have been through a lot together. I had her when I was 17. I had a lot of growing up to do and she witnessed it all, if not facilitated much of it. I had to grow so I would be able to be the best mother possible.
Today she told me I was her friend, and that she has grown to respect me greatly. She compliments often on my parenting skills as she comes in contact with more and more people. I am so blessed.
It could have all been so different. I was married for 26 years to a man she hated, but my desire to be open and honest served me well. My kids are minimally dysfunctional because when dysfunction occurred, instead of ignoring it, I tackled to problem head on, thus busting any secrecy that could have caused sickness in the family unit.
We survived, she and I. Now all I desire is for her to discover life and live it.
I love you girl, you're the one!
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
The More You Know
The more I know about myself, the better I am to make the choices that are in my best interest. It really does take time to figure out what you really want, especially in relationships. Many of us have been infiltrated with so many crazy ideas and assumptions about marriage and relationships until we are barely able to be lived with by the time we find one.
We come into the relationship with insurmountable expectations. Often expecting to get rather than give. Part of the problem our relationships don't work is that we really think the other person is supposed to meet all our needs. I tell you the more you know about your own needs and the more you are willing to meet your own needs, the better.
God did not intend for anyone to be able to read our minds. He expected us to use our minds, and hearts plus the knowledge we possess of ourselves to meet many of our own needs. No one has to give you anything. If you are lucky enough to find someone willing to be everything you want, you'll soon feel unlucky, when you change your mind, but they can't change how they see you.
When you get into a relationship, do all you can to ask questions that will reveal to you the other person. Allow that person to get to know you. The more you know about you, the more you can share with someone who is willing to share their lives with you. It truly is give and take. You will be happier the more you know.
We come into the relationship with insurmountable expectations. Often expecting to get rather than give. Part of the problem our relationships don't work is that we really think the other person is supposed to meet all our needs. I tell you the more you know about your own needs and the more you are willing to meet your own needs, the better.
God did not intend for anyone to be able to read our minds. He expected us to use our minds, and hearts plus the knowledge we possess of ourselves to meet many of our own needs. No one has to give you anything. If you are lucky enough to find someone willing to be everything you want, you'll soon feel unlucky, when you change your mind, but they can't change how they see you.
When you get into a relationship, do all you can to ask questions that will reveal to you the other person. Allow that person to get to know you. The more you know about you, the more you can share with someone who is willing to share their lives with you. It truly is give and take. You will be happier the more you know.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Good Friend
I have very few friends. The ones I do have are very good though. I think it is because I have demonstrated I am a good friend. I am honest with my friends. I am open to their limitations. I do not criticize. I don't give advice. I make suggestions. I don't try to change, but instead use acceptance as a tool to allow them to grow more into who they really want to be.
The good friend doesn't feel slighted if you can't spend time. They don't have to talk to you to know that all is well. They can accept you need your space and allow you to have it.
My friend list may be small, but it is full of love.
The good friend doesn't feel slighted if you can't spend time. They don't have to talk to you to know that all is well. They can accept you need your space and allow you to have it.
My friend list may be small, but it is full of love.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
God Loves Me
It is the little things that make up our lives. Those little moments. The tiny kindnesses. The extension of friendship and caring.
God lets me know He loves me in so many ways. The following example may seem simple and small to you, but it has opened me up even more to the glory of God.
I have a wonderful friend who I think highly of. We are like minded in many ways, the most important, we both know how to use our brains.
For a year now, I have been saying I wanted the new Sprint EVO 4G phone. Every time I saw it on TV or someone with it, I would say, "I'm getting that phone."
It cost over $400, but I sincerely felt I would have one soon. Well, my dear friend was out shopping and she found one for an extremely reasonable price. When she called to tell me she found a phone, I was thankful and ready to accept whatever she brought. When I saw it was the exact phone I wanted, I immediately said to her, "God loves me."
God love us all. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to have the things we desire. No matter how hard my life gets I fall back on my deep faith in God. He has cradled and carried me all my life. I am grateful for the friends I do have. They continuously show me the face of God.
God lets me know He loves me in so many ways. The following example may seem simple and small to you, but it has opened me up even more to the glory of God.
I have a wonderful friend who I think highly of. We are like minded in many ways, the most important, we both know how to use our brains.
For a year now, I have been saying I wanted the new Sprint EVO 4G phone. Every time I saw it on TV or someone with it, I would say, "I'm getting that phone."
It cost over $400, but I sincerely felt I would have one soon. Well, my dear friend was out shopping and she found one for an extremely reasonable price. When she called to tell me she found a phone, I was thankful and ready to accept whatever she brought. When I saw it was the exact phone I wanted, I immediately said to her, "God loves me."
God love us all. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to have the things we desire. No matter how hard my life gets I fall back on my deep faith in God. He has cradled and carried me all my life. I am grateful for the friends I do have. They continuously show me the face of God.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
No Stroking
I know there is a man out there that does not have to have his ego stroke constantly by women to feel like a man. That is the type of man I am seeking. I love to give compliments and recognition to my man, but I don't want to be held responsible for making sure he feels good about himself at all times.
I need someone less high maintenance and much more confident. I met such a man 27 years ago, but we didn't work out. I had the privilege of talking to him recently and it was so refreshing not to have to think about whether i was stepping on his toes. ace
It made me feel even better when he said, "I'm not the kind of man that need to have my ego stroked. I can do that for myself."
I have never heard a man admit he needed his ego stroke, not to mention that he can do it himself. He can't be the only one on the planet. There has to be others.
When I was analyzing where I lacked in my relationship with my husband, I recognized that I was unable to consistently stroke his ego. It is just not who I am as a woman. My husband is insecure and unwilling to take responsibility for his own happiness. He constantly felt as though there was something I should have been doing to make him feel better about himself.
I'm waiting on David. I'm waiting on the man who is willing to give me what I need and able to accept what I can give.
I need someone less high maintenance and much more confident. I met such a man 27 years ago, but we didn't work out. I had the privilege of talking to him recently and it was so refreshing not to have to think about whether i was stepping on his toes. ace
It made me feel even better when he said, "I'm not the kind of man that need to have my ego stroked. I can do that for myself."
I have never heard a man admit he needed his ego stroke, not to mention that he can do it himself. He can't be the only one on the planet. There has to be others.
When I was analyzing where I lacked in my relationship with my husband, I recognized that I was unable to consistently stroke his ego. It is just not who I am as a woman. My husband is insecure and unwilling to take responsibility for his own happiness. He constantly felt as though there was something I should have been doing to make him feel better about himself.
I'm waiting on David. I'm waiting on the man who is willing to give me what I need and able to accept what I can give.
The Best Compliment
I had the pleasure of talking with a man I new when I was 22 years old. He was from another country and seemed to really like me. We saw each other for a few months, then he left and went to the army. I was devastated when he left because I had, for the first time, felt as though I truly loved and cared about him.
When he left for the army, my heart was broken. I felt as though I have lost a tremendous opportunity to love someone who would change my life. I tracked him down and began writing him letters. He wrote me letter back and I have reread them time and time again throughout the years.
It was through his son, his namesake, that I found him on Facebook. He accepted my request to be his friend and we began corresponding. The first time I talked to him I recognized he may not have been the right choice for me as a mate. I was glad we didn't hook up. Yet, I did find I still felt a certain aliveness when I talked to him.
He told me he was glad he met me. He said he used the way I responded to him as a reference when he dealt with other women. He felt as though I represented what a real woman was about. He claims that after reading my writings that I showed signs of being the woman I have become, 27 years ago.
It was a great compliment. I felt good to know that I have basically remained the same and that who I am is appreciated.
When he left for the army, my heart was broken. I felt as though I have lost a tremendous opportunity to love someone who would change my life. I tracked him down and began writing him letters. He wrote me letter back and I have reread them time and time again throughout the years.
It was through his son, his namesake, that I found him on Facebook. He accepted my request to be his friend and we began corresponding. The first time I talked to him I recognized he may not have been the right choice for me as a mate. I was glad we didn't hook up. Yet, I did find I still felt a certain aliveness when I talked to him.
He told me he was glad he met me. He said he used the way I responded to him as a reference when he dealt with other women. He felt as though I represented what a real woman was about. He claims that after reading my writings that I showed signs of being the woman I have become, 27 years ago.
It was a great compliment. I felt good to know that I have basically remained the same and that who I am is appreciated.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Can We Just Get Along?
He said he contacted me because he wants us to be "cordial." I can do that, especially since we still have a teenager to rear. There is no need for animosity. I am free of the daily torture I was experiencing and I am thankful for the break. He looks like death, but there is nothing I can do about that, for he has made the choices that has led to this unfortunate situation.
He needs his family, but he doesn't know it because he's stuck on stupid, thinking he is in control. Now he has responsibilities he never had, things to remember someone else would normally take care of, and loss of affection and companionship. He has to live this way to know there were better days.
Yes, I will get along with you, but I will not allow you to drag me into your unbelievable darkness. We all have our path. He is a person foremost and he has to make his own way. Maybe not having me will make the path clearer.
He needs his family, but he doesn't know it because he's stuck on stupid, thinking he is in control. Now he has responsibilities he never had, things to remember someone else would normally take care of, and loss of affection and companionship. He has to live this way to know there were better days.
Yes, I will get along with you, but I will not allow you to drag me into your unbelievable darkness. We all have our path. He is a person foremost and he has to make his own way. Maybe not having me will make the path clearer.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I Know You
My husband walked into the room and I immediately said to him, "Oh, now you have changed your mind about going, now you want to focus on like I'm a pork chop."
He stopped in his tracks. He couldn't believe I had read all that from him just entering the room. He said, "Was I that obvious?"
"I know your every move. When are you going to accept that?"
"But I didn't make any moves!" he said in horror.
It horrifies him that I know him so well. He became almost sullen. His whole mood changed. The revelation that I not only knew he had changed his mind about doing something, but that I knew what he had decided to do instead, just blew him away.
People like him who are not in touch with themselves, can't see themselves, thus they do not read the signals of others well, unless they have manipulated a response. I know him. I have spent 26 years studying him, meeting his needs and loving him.
He knows me too. He just doesn't pay attention as much as I do, but when certain circumstances arise he knows just what to do most times to help me. We have been present in each others lives for a long time. Although I do feel I have carried the relationship the most, I do give him credit when credit is do. It's fun to be able to share with someone the depth you have gone to acknowledge their presence as a human being. I want my husband to know I want what is best for him. I want him to be happy and free from stress and worry. I want him to love God and himself and his family. I want to know him.
He stopped in his tracks. He couldn't believe I had read all that from him just entering the room. He said, "Was I that obvious?"
"I know your every move. When are you going to accept that?"
"But I didn't make any moves!" he said in horror.
It horrifies him that I know him so well. He became almost sullen. His whole mood changed. The revelation that I not only knew he had changed his mind about doing something, but that I knew what he had decided to do instead, just blew him away.
People like him who are not in touch with themselves, can't see themselves, thus they do not read the signals of others well, unless they have manipulated a response. I know him. I have spent 26 years studying him, meeting his needs and loving him.
He knows me too. He just doesn't pay attention as much as I do, but when certain circumstances arise he knows just what to do most times to help me. We have been present in each others lives for a long time. Although I do feel I have carried the relationship the most, I do give him credit when credit is do. It's fun to be able to share with someone the depth you have gone to acknowledge their presence as a human being. I want my husband to know I want what is best for him. I want him to be happy and free from stress and worry. I want him to love God and himself and his family. I want to know him.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Our Challenge
Our challenge is to be the best people we can be at all cost. There are always chances to screw up our lives and just as many to chance make things right. We have to be willing to be honest with ourselves, live as close to God's word as possible, and do no harm to others in the process of discovering our purpose in this life.
I take this challenge on daily. I had to accept I could be cruel, dismissive, judgemental, and suspicious. I had to learn to be compassionate. I had to learn to really listen to others. I had to learn to let my light shine, (be authentic).
It has taken me years of looking at myself first in all situations, circumstances, etc. I learned to look for and accept what I contribute to any conflict and do my best to accept responsibility and find a way to make things better if that is what is required of me.
Our challenge is to love. To be open to giving and receiving it. To talk about it, to express it, to show, to know it when it is true. God mandates us to love.
I take this challenge on daily. I had to accept I could be cruel, dismissive, judgemental, and suspicious. I had to learn to be compassionate. I had to learn to really listen to others. I had to learn to let my light shine, (be authentic).
It has taken me years of looking at myself first in all situations, circumstances, etc. I learned to look for and accept what I contribute to any conflict and do my best to accept responsibility and find a way to make things better if that is what is required of me.
Our challenge is to love. To be open to giving and receiving it. To talk about it, to express it, to show, to know it when it is true. God mandates us to love.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Using My Talents
My husband and I were talking the other day and the subject came up about whether or not people were jealous of me. I questioned him as to why he thought they would be. "Because of the way you are."
"Because of the way I am? That's a pretty broad statement. Do you mean my personality?"
"Yeah," he replied.
I didn't question him anymore. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about the subject, because to a certain extent he is jealous of me too.
People are not necessarily jealous of "me," but it is more of a situation where they recognize my authenticity and they may yearn to be more authentic themselves. Instead of working on themselves, they may choose to focus on me. I know he does.
I have known for years that he wished he could be more like me. I think over the years he's settled for "being married to me." I think he thinks that somehow makes him more like me. He is so quick to state, "we are as one." Yet, when he wants to do things I would never do, he does them anyway, because he is who he is, plain and simple.
I don't think about what other people think about me. Yet, there are some things you just can't ignore. The more I express myself in different venues, the more "haters" I accumulate. I noticed this early in life and developed the habit of not getting too close to folk because I am such an overachiever. I got to the point were I got tired of explaining myself to people. There are people who feel you are supposed to be modest and not show that you know certain things, or step up to handle certain situations. That's not me. I am capable and I know it.
For years my husband had a problem with the fact if he didn't do something that needed to be done, I'd do it. I'm not a nag, but I am also not a passive individual. There have been times when he has felt like I stomped on his manhood. Many of those times it wasn't a question of his manhood, as much as his adulthood was in question. I took care of the adult business he was willing to just let slide because he was immature enough to do so. I truly believe he would have preferred me to just let things fall apart, rather than to step up to the plate.
I get the same BS on the job. Others are so content to "go along, to get along." Whereas, I refuse to follow the crowd. If there is something that needs to be said or done, I do or say it. There is very little progress that happens when procrastination is involved.
Whether folk are jealous of me or not, I do not care. I have worked for everything I have. I have taken the time to micromanage myself to find out the things that were eating up my time. I know my strengths and I play to them. I know my limitations and faults and I do what I can to stay within my range of competency, no matter avenue I choose to go down.
I am a winner. Plain and simple. I think like a winner. I act like a winner and I expect to win. My biggest competitor is myself. I do not measure myself against anyone else. No one has anything I want, because all I want is to fulfill my life's purpose, learn to love unconditionally, and so the things that make me happy.
I am using my talents daily and I know God is pleased. Don't hate, appreciate!
"Because of the way I am? That's a pretty broad statement. Do you mean my personality?"
"Yeah," he replied.
I didn't question him anymore. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about the subject, because to a certain extent he is jealous of me too.
People are not necessarily jealous of "me," but it is more of a situation where they recognize my authenticity and they may yearn to be more authentic themselves. Instead of working on themselves, they may choose to focus on me. I know he does.
I have known for years that he wished he could be more like me. I think over the years he's settled for "being married to me." I think he thinks that somehow makes him more like me. He is so quick to state, "we are as one." Yet, when he wants to do things I would never do, he does them anyway, because he is who he is, plain and simple.
I don't think about what other people think about me. Yet, there are some things you just can't ignore. The more I express myself in different venues, the more "haters" I accumulate. I noticed this early in life and developed the habit of not getting too close to folk because I am such an overachiever. I got to the point were I got tired of explaining myself to people. There are people who feel you are supposed to be modest and not show that you know certain things, or step up to handle certain situations. That's not me. I am capable and I know it.
For years my husband had a problem with the fact if he didn't do something that needed to be done, I'd do it. I'm not a nag, but I am also not a passive individual. There have been times when he has felt like I stomped on his manhood. Many of those times it wasn't a question of his manhood, as much as his adulthood was in question. I took care of the adult business he was willing to just let slide because he was immature enough to do so. I truly believe he would have preferred me to just let things fall apart, rather than to step up to the plate.
I get the same BS on the job. Others are so content to "go along, to get along." Whereas, I refuse to follow the crowd. If there is something that needs to be said or done, I do or say it. There is very little progress that happens when procrastination is involved.
Whether folk are jealous of me or not, I do not care. I have worked for everything I have. I have taken the time to micromanage myself to find out the things that were eating up my time. I know my strengths and I play to them. I know my limitations and faults and I do what I can to stay within my range of competency, no matter avenue I choose to go down.
I am a winner. Plain and simple. I think like a winner. I act like a winner and I expect to win. My biggest competitor is myself. I do not measure myself against anyone else. No one has anything I want, because all I want is to fulfill my life's purpose, learn to love unconditionally, and so the things that make me happy.
I am using my talents daily and I know God is pleased. Don't hate, appreciate!
Friday, May 6, 2011
So Called Friends
I don't have anymore so-called friends in my life anymore. For the most part, the people in my life are the kind of people I can deal with on a day-to-day basis. When I had so-called friends, I seldom spent any time with them because it was too hard to deal with the BS.
So-called friends limit themselves. They only give so much, but usually take a lot. They are they as long as things are benefiting them, but don't you dare need anything, they will always find a way to wiggle out of being there for you.
I am a good friend. I can say this because I make a great effort to be a good friend. I am thoughtful, kind and honest with my friends. When they need me, I do all I can to be there for them. So-called friends are rarely available and this may be a good thing. They know they don't have anything to offer.
If you're dealing with so-called friends, let them go. Friendship is too important to have hanger-ons.
So-called friends limit themselves. They only give so much, but usually take a lot. They are they as long as things are benefiting them, but don't you dare need anything, they will always find a way to wiggle out of being there for you.
I am a good friend. I can say this because I make a great effort to be a good friend. I am thoughtful, kind and honest with my friends. When they need me, I do all I can to be there for them. So-called friends are rarely available and this may be a good thing. They know they don't have anything to offer.
If you're dealing with so-called friends, let them go. Friendship is too important to have hanger-ons.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The More I Know
The more I know, the more I know I don't know much. I am a lifelong student and it feels good to be open to new things. So many of us lead with our negative thoughts. This only blocks us from the ability to truly grow as a person. So many people get to a point where they think they know it all.
I am grateful I know there is so much more to learn and that I willing to keep learning until the day I die. To many I come off as a "know-it-all." In reality, I am confident when I am talking about what I do know. My confidence threatens some and baffles many. You see, I am a black woman, with classic features, natural hair and a down-to-earth personality. I really wish I had nickle for every time someone has talked to me with preconceived notions, only to be blown away by finding out they were wrong in all of their assumptions.
Many assume I want to control my surroundings. This is not true. I am just as comfortable being a follower as I am a leader. Many are surprised to find that I am an excellent listener. This really blows folks minds because I like to talk. Many think I'm a cold fish. My husband says I carry myself like a person who is unapproachable. I'm not unapproachable, I just don't want to deal with bullshit, so I wear my bullshit repellent face.
The more I know, the more I believe people are capable of great things. Do something great today. You have it in you.
I am grateful I know there is so much more to learn and that I willing to keep learning until the day I die. To many I come off as a "know-it-all." In reality, I am confident when I am talking about what I do know. My confidence threatens some and baffles many. You see, I am a black woman, with classic features, natural hair and a down-to-earth personality. I really wish I had nickle for every time someone has talked to me with preconceived notions, only to be blown away by finding out they were wrong in all of their assumptions.
Many assume I want to control my surroundings. This is not true. I am just as comfortable being a follower as I am a leader. Many are surprised to find that I am an excellent listener. This really blows folks minds because I like to talk. Many think I'm a cold fish. My husband says I carry myself like a person who is unapproachable. I'm not unapproachable, I just don't want to deal with bullshit, so I wear my bullshit repellent face.
The more I know, the more I believe people are capable of great things. Do something great today. You have it in you.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Are They With You or For You?
Many people do not know the difference. I person can be with you but not for you. Folk that are with you will only be around when things are going good, or they are getting what they want.
Folk that are for you will be there no matter what.
How many folk are just riding with you in life?
How many are for you?
You need to know.
Folk that are for you will be there no matter what.
How many folk are just riding with you in life?
How many are for you?
You need to know.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Peer Pressure
I know I mentioned my son and husband fell out once again. This time my son was all the way wrong, but allowed his built up resentment and anger override his logical thinking.
Thank God peer pressure can be positive. One of his friends helped him to see that he was wrong in the actions he took. We talked and I am even more proud of my son who apologized and listened to me. He said, "Mom, I don't ever want us to have an argument like that again."
I let him know he needed to have his say and that I was not mad at him and that I hoped he could find away to reach out to his dad. We will see.
Thank God peer pressure can be positive. One of his friends helped him to see that he was wrong in the actions he took. We talked and I am even more proud of my son who apologized and listened to me. He said, "Mom, I don't ever want us to have an argument like that again."
I let him know he needed to have his say and that I was not mad at him and that I hoped he could find away to reach out to his dad. We will see.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Support
I was coaching a woman and she looked at me and said, "Who coaches you? Where do you go for advice?" I looked at her and told her truthfully, "I lean on prayer, intuition, and very few friends."
I have never really had the type of support I've needed. That is one of the downfalls of being strong and capable, people are not apt to see you as someone who needs some help, or guidance. All guidance I have gotten, I have had to seek it out. I have two people in my life that support me greatly. One is a high powered professional always doing her thang, the other is a co-worker who turned out to be someone I could trust with my friendship.
Both these women have strong opinions and are level headed, but most importantly they get me to a great degree, and what they don't get, they wait for it to be revealed, or they just accept me for who I am. I find this to be rare. Most people expect to see themselves in you on some level. They usually reject folk who may not completely hold to the same values as they do. I value very little other than family and friends. Material things are just that things, so I tend not to find too many people who feel comfortable getting to know me on a deeper level.
It is my desire as I pass through this last leg on my journey of life to learn to ask for more support.
I have never really had the type of support I've needed. That is one of the downfalls of being strong and capable, people are not apt to see you as someone who needs some help, or guidance. All guidance I have gotten, I have had to seek it out. I have two people in my life that support me greatly. One is a high powered professional always doing her thang, the other is a co-worker who turned out to be someone I could trust with my friendship.
Both these women have strong opinions and are level headed, but most importantly they get me to a great degree, and what they don't get, they wait for it to be revealed, or they just accept me for who I am. I find this to be rare. Most people expect to see themselves in you on some level. They usually reject folk who may not completely hold to the same values as they do. I value very little other than family and friends. Material things are just that things, so I tend not to find too many people who feel comfortable getting to know me on a deeper level.
It is my desire as I pass through this last leg on my journey of life to learn to ask for more support.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
31 Years Ago
31 years ago on the 15th of December, 1979 at 10:21 p.m. I gave birth to my oldest daughter. 31 years later a marvel at how she turned out and feel blessed to have helped bring her into the world. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful daughter.
She tells me I am her best friend. It was never my intention. I have always let her know I was not the type of parent to befriend my children. Yet, she claims I am the best friend she has. I accept it. We do get along very well and I trust her completely. She has been a great big sister to her siblings and is always willing and ready to help them in any way.
Now that she is 31, I look at her with brand new eyes, she is a grown woman for sure. I look forward to the next 31 years.
She tells me I am her best friend. It was never my intention. I have always let her know I was not the type of parent to befriend my children. Yet, she claims I am the best friend she has. I accept it. We do get along very well and I trust her completely. She has been a great big sister to her siblings and is always willing and ready to help them in any way.
Now that she is 31, I look at her with brand new eyes, she is a grown woman for sure. I look forward to the next 31 years.
Needy Friend
I'ma a needy friend. I need a lot of help. I am blessed to have people in my life who are willing to do so. I have very few friends so I try hard not to become a burden. I spent a lot of my life not asking for help. I would ask anyone for anything. I'd go out of my way to do it myself. That was a horrible way to live.
When my daughter was younger, I walked her over 15 blocks to school ran or shine. The next year I found had I asked, there was a bus that came one block from our home that would have taken her to school. That woke me up. I began to recognize how silly I was to hold to the belief that I had to do everything for myself.
Learning to ask for help and letting others help me has truly been enlightening and freeing. I am grateful for my friends and wish them well in all the years ahead.
When my daughter was younger, I walked her over 15 blocks to school ran or shine. The next year I found had I asked, there was a bus that came one block from our home that would have taken her to school. That woke me up. I began to recognize how silly I was to hold to the belief that I had to do everything for myself.
Learning to ask for help and letting others help me has truly been enlightening and freeing. I am grateful for my friends and wish them well in all the years ahead.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Friends
Most people meet me and do not believe I am an introvert. I am a writer from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet. Because of that, I find my own company most gratifying and being alone does not bother me in the least. To write you need alone time and solitude. Silence is my best friend. The early mornings allow me to have the peace I need and desire to write what is on my mind.
Yet, I do have a few friends. There are very few people I call friend. Most of the people I know never get past associates. I just don't let people in. It is a very isolated way to live, but one I am most comfortable with. I am not a traveler, so it doesn't bother me when people I know go places or aspire to. I do like to go out a few times a month and that is usually to listen to poetry or to dance. Since I've been injured I haven't been able to go dancing as much as I would normally go.
I just don't feel the need to have a people around me and as I get older, I find that I want less and less contact with others, even my family. I am constantly thinking about the time when there is no one home but me. I crave alone time. Still, we all need people in our lives. I am doing all I can to allow myself to be more open, but at 48 years old, I really don't see it happening.
I am grateful for the few people who consider me their friend. I do try hard to be the best friend I can be, which looks different than the way other people display their friendship. I let people come to me. I let them know I appreciate them, but I won't be going to their house, going out to lunch or dinner, or wanting to hang out with them. It just ain't me. But let them need me and I am there.
Yet, I do have a few friends. There are very few people I call friend. Most of the people I know never get past associates. I just don't let people in. It is a very isolated way to live, but one I am most comfortable with. I am not a traveler, so it doesn't bother me when people I know go places or aspire to. I do like to go out a few times a month and that is usually to listen to poetry or to dance. Since I've been injured I haven't been able to go dancing as much as I would normally go.
I just don't feel the need to have a people around me and as I get older, I find that I want less and less contact with others, even my family. I am constantly thinking about the time when there is no one home but me. I crave alone time. Still, we all need people in our lives. I am doing all I can to allow myself to be more open, but at 48 years old, I really don't see it happening.
I am grateful for the few people who consider me their friend. I do try hard to be the best friend I can be, which looks different than the way other people display their friendship. I let people come to me. I let them know I appreciate them, but I won't be going to their house, going out to lunch or dinner, or wanting to hang out with them. It just ain't me. But let them need me and I am there.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Wake UP
People need to accept the fact that everyone is not going to love you. Most people will find a reason not to like you before they try to get to know you. Once they get to know you and you are who you say you are, they are more likely not to like you.
These same people will form so-called friendships with other all the time knowing they are only trying to ride of the glory, confidence, coattails of the the one they think has more, knows more or can do more.
When it is all said and done, you find these folk plotting against you, trying to use you, lying on you. You have got to wake up. Pay attention to who you are letting in your life.
These same people will form so-called friendships with other all the time knowing they are only trying to ride of the glory, confidence, coattails of the the one they think has more, knows more or can do more.
When it is all said and done, you find these folk plotting against you, trying to use you, lying on you. You have got to wake up. Pay attention to who you are letting in your life.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Bandwagon
A friend of mine and myself are on a mission to help shift the paradigm of divorce. Her book is book two in the Get Out of The Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage series.
The book is at the press as I write this. We have been talking about the reception we receive from people who hear our stories and wonder why we have stayed in our marriages.
We both stay for the same reason. We believe it is what God wants us to do, and our husbands "get" us, and let us be us, unconditionally. These type of men are hard to find. It is rare that you meet anyone who lets you be you, let alone someone who is in an intimate relationship with you. Most people want to change their spouses, but we got lucky, we both found men who do not try to keep us from letting our lights shine.
I won't lie and I have said it before that it means more to me to be able to be me in my marriage than anything else I can imagine. More money would be nice, another car, a bigger and better house, but I don't think I could have a better love. My friend feels the same way. She has been married almost 30 years to the same man. I've been with my husband for 25.
No, it has not been easy, but it has been worth it. We both have a calling on our lives and we have been blessed to meet each other. We will be hosting workshops and forums talking about marriage and relationships. The first one will be held at the Public Library in Louisville, KY on 4th, Monday, April 26th at 7 p.m.
Come check it out. For more information email hazelparish@hotmail.com
The book is at the press as I write this. We have been talking about the reception we receive from people who hear our stories and wonder why we have stayed in our marriages.
We both stay for the same reason. We believe it is what God wants us to do, and our husbands "get" us, and let us be us, unconditionally. These type of men are hard to find. It is rare that you meet anyone who lets you be you, let alone someone who is in an intimate relationship with you. Most people want to change their spouses, but we got lucky, we both found men who do not try to keep us from letting our lights shine.
I won't lie and I have said it before that it means more to me to be able to be me in my marriage than anything else I can imagine. More money would be nice, another car, a bigger and better house, but I don't think I could have a better love. My friend feels the same way. She has been married almost 30 years to the same man. I've been with my husband for 25.
No, it has not been easy, but it has been worth it. We both have a calling on our lives and we have been blessed to meet each other. We will be hosting workshops and forums talking about marriage and relationships. The first one will be held at the Public Library in Louisville, KY on 4th, Monday, April 26th at 7 p.m.
Come check it out. For more information email hazelparish@hotmail.com
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