And Another Thing Boyce

You know, I want to be angry at Dr. Watkins. I really do. He quotes Dr. Barbara De Angelis, claiming the book is "based on scientific research, not just speculation." What scientific research? She has been married and divorced at least five times. She started off as a consultant, just like many of us do, because psychology is not an exact science. Experiments are very limited because the subjects are human. More and more people are allowing cameras in their homes, letting others in on the dynamics, but until more of this is done either on film, video, or in books, we will not have a well-rounded perspective of relationships.

Relationships are complicated. I dare say, what makes Dr. De Angelis' an expert is not what she has researched or studied. She has learned by being such a bad wife. She was a horrible partner, and thank God she decided to take the time to look at herself, she has been able to help others. But don't be fooled, them that can't do are the biggest preachers when it comes to self-help, motivation, psychology, spiritual guides, etc. The journey is never over, until it is, and then it is final. We are all evolving, until we are not.

If you think for one minute Steve Harvey doesn't come in contact with enough women to write about his experiences, you are the joke. It is simply ignorance and a need to feel superior that made you come down on Steve. Just as many black women do when they have the nerve to think because they make a few more dollars than a brother that they are somehow better than he. They look down at his pockets, forgetting what they really want was a forefinger away. They let the legs they long to wrap around them walk away because they carry trash back and forth to the garbage truck as it goes on its route. They let the arms they so desperately dreamed of holding them tight pass, because they pick up cans or car motors. They do not lay their head on the chest that has the heart that would beat like a lion's with love for them, if only she would look into the eyes that could adore her, but like Boyce, her mind is fixed on his pockets.

I don't care if a brother is a tightrope tightener, a pipe fitter, a terminator of critters, as long as he's getting paid, sharing with me and his family, I'm cool. Somebody has to do every job that needs to be done to make America go. Our superficial idea of what a man is has caught up with us now that women have been allowed in the workforce. Our natural abilities have put money in our pockets. The whole idea of the man only being the one to make money exposed the shallowness of the male ego. All of a sudden Viagara is everywhere. Men can't just buy diamonds anymore, sometimes she can buy them herself, we want to do it too. Everybody is packin'.

Things have really changed Boyce, you wrote, "An uneducated, unemployed man in the criminal justice system is not going to make a good husband, not every black man in these circumstances is consciously choosing to end up this way." Truer words have not been spoken. I live it everyday. Yet, for some who do end up this way, they find themselves even more afraid as they grow older because there really is no place for children in an adult world. Most of these men experience arrested development. The years of time standing still has trapped many of them. I know that is the case in my situation.

I agree, we must stop the blame and that means you too. When a brother steps up and wants to talk about relationships we all need to listen. We have to encourage more lay people to get involved, this is where we get our pool of scientist. You know this stuff Boyce.