Tide and Time

After being with the same man for 25 years, I have been looking at our relationship differently. I look at it as though it is an entity of it's own. Marriage really has been given a bad reputation by those who did not know how to be married. After the divorce, anytime someone mentions marriage they bristle and moan and talk bad about marriage in third person. They make it sound like had it not been for marriage, their life would have been better. When in fact, as many later come to realize, it wasn't the marriage that was the problem, it was theirs and their spouses inability to effectively use the tools of marriage to stay married.

My husband and I have a new issue. He has become very hands on. He has always been affectionate. He often stands behind me and kisses me on my neck. He swats my butt when I walk by and makes intense eye contact. But something has changed for him. He cannot seem to keep his hands off me.

I get in the bed to either relax, or go to sleep. I seldom just lay around. Within the last six months, it seems he can't be next to me without reaching out to me. Although I can be affectionate, I don't like being randomly touched. People really almost need an appointment to touch me, unless I see them bracing up for a hug, I usually let hugs slide. But this constant groping and pawing. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd have to push him off me.

Last night I reminded him how when we first met, he was not used to being touched randomly and would bat me away. Sometimes he'd even run. I could see the terror in his eyes, but I was so insecure at the time, it was easier for me to take it personally. It was only after I talked to his cousin and he explained to me how men do not grow up like woman having people wanting to hug them and touch them, unless it is a parent or family member. Whereas as women, we share a completely different reality. I was able to comprehend and was able to accept where my husband was coming from.

Boy has he learned to hug and kiss, and touch. I just laugh and laugh and run and say no, and we play, then we stop and catch our breathe and laugh. We forget, we're not 24 and 25 anymore. He's 49, I'm 48. We are lucky in so many ways. I just keep trying to get out of the way and claim God's will for our marriage.