What can marriage do for you?
Well, I am so glad you asked. Marriage is a character reveler and/or builder. I know I would not be the woman I am today had I not married the man I did. Our union tested ever belief, conviction and thought I had about what marriage was about.
I learned humility, compassion, self-love, and my self-esteem grew during my marriage. I learned to be quiet and that I should pick my battles and that love, true love does not hurt.
Marriage can help you decided what kind of life you want to live, how you want your children to be reared and whether or not you are the person you say you want to be.
My marriage consistently challenged me to look at myself in every situation and decided if I was being who I really wanted to be. Marriage gave me permission to explore my sensuality and unleash my sexuality.
Marriage challenges your ego to surrender for the sake of another. It gives your heart the needed exercise when you focus on an other's happiness. Marriage gives you someone for you. That partner who says, "I want to see you smile. What can I do to make you smile today?"
If you have someone in your life willing to let you be you and love you anyway, you need to kiss the very ground they walk on cause you have found a good thing.
Marriage is for those ready to grow, give, live and love.
Showing posts with label ego. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ego. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, October 3, 2011
Why The Man Brain Has Gotten On My Nerves
Yes, I have written many pieces empathizing with men, but this one does not. Men think differently than we do and that is okay. Unfortunately, they are just as confused by the way they think as women are.
I began reading books written by men about men because I recognized I did not understand the "Man brain." During my studies, I became more and more compassionate as I learned many of the things I hated about men the most, were just a part of their natures. Just how they are wired.
This is when I accepted that we are to discover what the other sex is about and not try to assume we know them based on our limited experiences with them, still the man brain gets on my nerves. There ability to compartmentalized their actions gets me the most. This ability is what will allow a man who is "happy," at home, to stray. He can actually rationalize his actions by saying he keeps what he does away from home separate, and that because he does not love the woman, it does not matter. He has the love for his wife in a safe compartment in his mind.
We all know this is unacceptable, but it is true that because they think this way it is okay to act on their thoughts. Compartmentalization can be helpful if used correctly, but all the men I know have used it to be selfish, then justify the selfishness by stating, one act has nothing to do with the other.
Men also seem to experience only two emotions anger and sexual desire. Either they are mad or horny. The in between is rarely visited. For most of them, they don't even out until it is almost too late. By that time, everyone is so used to them not meeting their needs, they are either bitter, or just don't give a damn. What lonely way to live.
The other thing that bothers me is their ability to play stupid. Before they were married, or living with a woman, they didn't have any problem finding their socks, ironing and washing their clothes, feeding themselves, but even the most enlightened brother will take advantage of a woman if she lets them. They'll run her ragged getting beers, looking for lost items, and running errands.
Then, there is the constant ego stroking many of them require. This turned out to be my biggest resentment in my marriage. My husband required way too much ego stroking. I am not the nurturing type, so it has been a huge problem for me for years, even before I fully understood what the problem was. If you have such a massive ego, you need to tend to its maintenance yourself, because usually folk with ego issues have few people who want to be around them.
The man brain is useful, but right now I can do without it.
I began reading books written by men about men because I recognized I did not understand the "Man brain." During my studies, I became more and more compassionate as I learned many of the things I hated about men the most, were just a part of their natures. Just how they are wired.
This is when I accepted that we are to discover what the other sex is about and not try to assume we know them based on our limited experiences with them, still the man brain gets on my nerves. There ability to compartmentalized their actions gets me the most. This ability is what will allow a man who is "happy," at home, to stray. He can actually rationalize his actions by saying he keeps what he does away from home separate, and that because he does not love the woman, it does not matter. He has the love for his wife in a safe compartment in his mind.
We all know this is unacceptable, but it is true that because they think this way it is okay to act on their thoughts. Compartmentalization can be helpful if used correctly, but all the men I know have used it to be selfish, then justify the selfishness by stating, one act has nothing to do with the other.
Men also seem to experience only two emotions anger and sexual desire. Either they are mad or horny. The in between is rarely visited. For most of them, they don't even out until it is almost too late. By that time, everyone is so used to them not meeting their needs, they are either bitter, or just don't give a damn. What lonely way to live.
The other thing that bothers me is their ability to play stupid. Before they were married, or living with a woman, they didn't have any problem finding their socks, ironing and washing their clothes, feeding themselves, but even the most enlightened brother will take advantage of a woman if she lets them. They'll run her ragged getting beers, looking for lost items, and running errands.
Then, there is the constant ego stroking many of them require. This turned out to be my biggest resentment in my marriage. My husband required way too much ego stroking. I am not the nurturing type, so it has been a huge problem for me for years, even before I fully understood what the problem was. If you have such a massive ego, you need to tend to its maintenance yourself, because usually folk with ego issues have few people who want to be around them.
The man brain is useful, but right now I can do without it.
Why Some Black Men Are So Arrogant
Even the brothers who know that ain't worth a dime, have the never to be arrogant when it comes to dealing with women. They can do this because so many women are desperate for a black man until they will just about put up with anything.
It is sad, but so true. Women have continuously allowed themselved to be dominated by men who are not worthy of them, only to wise up too late and live the rest of their lives bitter and angry.
I truly married my husband based on the belief that he had great potential. 26 years later, I have learned he had just as much potential not to become the man he could and he chose not to. Now, he is left with a bunch of broken promises and no one wants to hear why the promises were never kept. It is too late.
Even my husband, who is clearly not worthy of the family he has, has the nerve to try to bait me into apologizing for something I clearly tried to avoid. He thinks my love for him overrides my sense but it doesn't. Because I love him, I know I have to remain firm in my convictions and move past what "I" think I want and deal with what is.
Until women value themselves whether they have a man or not, they are always going to be push and pulled around. Men will continue to treat women any kind of way until they stand up and say, "I'm good, with or without you," and mean it.
It is sad, but so true. Women have continuously allowed themselved to be dominated by men who are not worthy of them, only to wise up too late and live the rest of their lives bitter and angry.
I truly married my husband based on the belief that he had great potential. 26 years later, I have learned he had just as much potential not to become the man he could and he chose not to. Now, he is left with a bunch of broken promises and no one wants to hear why the promises were never kept. It is too late.
Even my husband, who is clearly not worthy of the family he has, has the nerve to try to bait me into apologizing for something I clearly tried to avoid. He thinks my love for him overrides my sense but it doesn't. Because I love him, I know I have to remain firm in my convictions and move past what "I" think I want and deal with what is.
Until women value themselves whether they have a man or not, they are always going to be push and pulled around. Men will continue to treat women any kind of way until they stand up and say, "I'm good, with or without you," and mean it.
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