I am having feelings of detachment and that's a good thing. I feel so far away from most people I meet in many ways. I am a faith-filled person. I lean on hope and thrive off of love. Self-love saved me from a life of regret and allowed to do what is mandated of me. I know how to love.
I am experiencing feelings of disconnect and that's a good thing. The world is so full of people seeking things to make them feel loved, or whole. I know that I have myself t remind me of love. I know I do not need the approval of man of man to live may life. I am fully aware of the pitfalls of leaning too much on my own understanding, to I have learned to go with the flow and let life unfold.
I am sure I feel go most of the time and glad I feel all of the time. I am a living, breathing, woman open to life and all it has to offer. I'm glad I got the feeling thing going on.
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Other Side-Part Two
My husbands chronic illness is really taking its toll on me and the family. He has been admitted to the hospital twice within a week and a half. Yesterday, before I could get to the door, he was calling me to tell me needing to call an ambulance because he was throwing up blood. When I got in the house and saw how much blood he had thrown up, I fought off the shock that ripped through my heart.
The first thing I thought? "Wow, he really just may die before he is 50," which is at the end of November. He is frail, his kidneys are only working at 24% of their capacity, he had several mini-strokes over the weekend, he is having trouble breathing, he can barely hold anything in his hands. His muscle control is lessening due to the strokes, his legs are swollen beyond recognition, his skin is turning dark, he can barely hear, and his eyes are failing.
All this from diabetes and high blood pressure. He lived the wild life, all his life and now he is paying the piper. Oh yes, he certainly danced to the music. I often watched him in awe throughout the years, secretly wishing I had the nerve to live so recklessly, at least a little. Instead, I stayed on course and did my best to bring some balance and awareness in his life.
Now that we are on the other side and are actually enjoying each other on many levels, his health is a big issue. It is really hard to get in the mood for much after watching someone throw up their guts. I told him Sunday, "You know, we are really blessed to have each other and to have had each other for so long." He agreed. He began to look for something and I lead him directly to it. He turn and said, "Boy, men who don't have a wife don't know what they are missing." He has, he will and he did.
The first thing I thought? "Wow, he really just may die before he is 50," which is at the end of November. He is frail, his kidneys are only working at 24% of their capacity, he had several mini-strokes over the weekend, he is having trouble breathing, he can barely hold anything in his hands. His muscle control is lessening due to the strokes, his legs are swollen beyond recognition, his skin is turning dark, he can barely hear, and his eyes are failing.
All this from diabetes and high blood pressure. He lived the wild life, all his life and now he is paying the piper. Oh yes, he certainly danced to the music. I often watched him in awe throughout the years, secretly wishing I had the nerve to live so recklessly, at least a little. Instead, I stayed on course and did my best to bring some balance and awareness in his life.
Now that we are on the other side and are actually enjoying each other on many levels, his health is a big issue. It is really hard to get in the mood for much after watching someone throw up their guts. I told him Sunday, "You know, we are really blessed to have each other and to have had each other for so long." He agreed. He began to look for something and I lead him directly to it. He turn and said, "Boy, men who don't have a wife don't know what they are missing." He has, he will and he did.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Patience II
I must admit. I have outdone myself. Yes, I have actually been patient and let God really work in my life. I have a horrible house that I was paying too much for. I waited on God and went through the process. I was able to get my mortgage reduced from 11.6 to 4.5 percent interest, along with other little blessings.
Patience is truly a virtue.
Patience is truly a virtue.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Away
I am not the type of person who really misses people when I am away. I've never tried to examine why and to be honest I'm glad I'm that way. When I do see them again, I am usually happy about it.
Well, my husband really missed me the four days I was gone. I thought of him often and actually bought him three gifts. I presented them to him upon my return.
We listened to music and talked a little. I danced for him and he enjoyed it, then we spent time being close and he admitted, "I missed you. I didn't leave the house the entire time you were gone."
Yes, I will be going away more often.
Well, my husband really missed me the four days I was gone. I thought of him often and actually bought him three gifts. I presented them to him upon my return.
We listened to music and talked a little. I danced for him and he enjoyed it, then we spent time being close and he admitted, "I missed you. I didn't leave the house the entire time you were gone."
Yes, I will be going away more often.
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