I miss being married and having someone to share my day-to-day with. Whenever something happens, I think of the man I married first. I still want to share everything with him and I can't. This is the tragedy of separation and divorce. They cut you off from that which you have desired the most and for the longest. We had so many years in and to have it all fall down was hard for me.
I know the separation is for the best and the only answer for us. Still, it does not stop me from being desirous of a healthy, loving relationship. Don't know if I'll ever marry again. Right know, I just miss being married.
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
BCS-Basic Communication Skills-6
Constructive Use of Feedback
The next important goal for your group is to discover the use of constructive feedback in small group interaction. Feedback is reporting to an individual the kind of impressions he is making on you or reporting your reactions to him. Constructive feedback is rarely effectively used on the value of honesty. Children are taught their homes and schools that it is bad to lie about their behavior. Stealing, lying, cheating, and other dishonest acts are denounced in every aspect of life. Yet, all of us are guilty of a great deal of dishonestly in interpersonal relationships all the time. (Since children are often very aware of this it makes the learning of the value of honesty very complex.) We rarely express our honest feelings toward others in home or in school. Often this involves simply avoiding the expression of reactions which we feel would be detrimental to others or ourselves. Often it involves what we call "little white lies" when we tell people something positive or reassuring rather than be direct, honest, or critical.
People often feel threatened by the introduction of feedback exercises. The notion that people will be hurt by criticism is very prevalent. Yet, think of how many people you know who have goo intention but irritate, embarrass, or behave in ways which diminish their effectiveness. The range of operating efficiently and productively in many areas of life is seriously hampered if we never have a chance to become are of our impact on others. Most of us are quite capable of improving our styles of interpersonal communication and becoming much more effective as people-parents, teachers, students, whatever, when we really become aware of our impact on others.
Before going on to an exercise designed to give and receive feedback to others in the group, it is useful to think about destructive versus constructive feedback. Feedback is destructive when it is given only to hurt or to express hostility without any goal of improving the communication between people. it may be also destructive when only derogatory or extremely critical statements are given without any balance or positive evaluation.
Principles of Constructive Use of Feedback
Feedback is useful to a person when:
The next important goal for your group is to discover the use of constructive feedback in small group interaction. Feedback is reporting to an individual the kind of impressions he is making on you or reporting your reactions to him. Constructive feedback is rarely effectively used on the value of honesty. Children are taught their homes and schools that it is bad to lie about their behavior. Stealing, lying, cheating, and other dishonest acts are denounced in every aspect of life. Yet, all of us are guilty of a great deal of dishonestly in interpersonal relationships all the time. (Since children are often very aware of this it makes the learning of the value of honesty very complex.) We rarely express our honest feelings toward others in home or in school. Often this involves simply avoiding the expression of reactions which we feel would be detrimental to others or ourselves. Often it involves what we call "little white lies" when we tell people something positive or reassuring rather than be direct, honest, or critical.
People often feel threatened by the introduction of feedback exercises. The notion that people will be hurt by criticism is very prevalent. Yet, think of how many people you know who have goo intention but irritate, embarrass, or behave in ways which diminish their effectiveness. The range of operating efficiently and productively in many areas of life is seriously hampered if we never have a chance to become are of our impact on others. Most of us are quite capable of improving our styles of interpersonal communication and becoming much more effective as people-parents, teachers, students, whatever, when we really become aware of our impact on others.
Before going on to an exercise designed to give and receive feedback to others in the group, it is useful to think about destructive versus constructive feedback. Feedback is destructive when it is given only to hurt or to express hostility without any goal of improving the communication between people. it may be also destructive when only derogatory or extremely critical statements are given without any balance or positive evaluation.
Principles of Constructive Use of Feedback
Feedback is useful to a person when:
- It describes what he is doing rather than placing a value on it. Example: "When you yell at me it makes me feel like not talking to you anymore." Rather than: "It's awful of you to yell at me."
- It is specific rather than general.
- It is directed toward behavior which the receiver can do something about.
- It is well-timed.
- it is asked for rather than imposed.
- it is checked to insure clear communication.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
You Just Never Know
As much as I believe in marriage, and the importance of doing all you can to stay married. I am finding it difficult not to want to stop the madness.
Relationships are hard. I have been with my husband for 25 years and he is just now understanding how selfish and immature he has been throughout the relationship. He feels like I should be glad that he FINALLY gets it. Instead of relief, I feel, "It's about time." But I'm worn out. As far as he has come, it is still no where near I am.
When you are immature yourself, as I was earlier in the relationship, it doesn't seem like such a big difference, but after doing the Soul Work I needed to do and having grown as much as I have, his declaration upset me.
I want him to be closer to where I am. As a matter of fact, I NEED him to grow more, but I have no control over him, so I have to do what I have to do for me. I can't say I plan to divorce, but something has to give.
Relationships are hard. I have been with my husband for 25 years and he is just now understanding how selfish and immature he has been throughout the relationship. He feels like I should be glad that he FINALLY gets it. Instead of relief, I feel, "It's about time." But I'm worn out. As far as he has come, it is still no where near I am.
When you are immature yourself, as I was earlier in the relationship, it doesn't seem like such a big difference, but after doing the Soul Work I needed to do and having grown as much as I have, his declaration upset me.
I want him to be closer to where I am. As a matter of fact, I NEED him to grow more, but I have no control over him, so I have to do what I have to do for me. I can't say I plan to divorce, but something has to give.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Gratitude
Be grateful.
You have all you need at this very moment to achieve all your hopes, dreams and desires.
Be happy now! Be grateful!
Peace!
You have all you need at this very moment to achieve all your hopes, dreams and desires.
Be happy now! Be grateful!
Peace!
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