Empathy-Part Four

Men overload on aggression. I am completely floored every time I hear about a man being violent towards a woman. Most times I tend to want to believe that nothing, outside of being physically attacked, should be able to provoke a man to hit a woman.

I am talking about the attacks men display against women just because they can't control their need to strike. Men are aggressive and when they are wrong, they are more likely to be highly aggressive due to being unable to accept they are at fault for the feelings they are having.

In the book, Fire In The Belly: On Being A Man by Sam Keen, it states, "Men live under constant dread of being labeled a sissy , a weakling. a wimp, a queer. Most everywhere they live under pressure, stress, and the constant need to prove themselves by establishing mastery in the arenas of war, work, and women, a near universal creed linking manhood with socially necessary activities of protecting, providing, and procreating."

What he is saying is men all over the world have associated conquering others, their work, and the women in their lives, and have somehow made them a part of what it means to be a man, while simultaneously connecting the for mentioned with being protectors, providers, and the maker of babies. As we know, they are failing miserably and their level of aggression is getting worse toward women.

Men are killing their wives and babies and thinking nothing of it. A lot of times these men have wronged their family and their reign of terror is being threatened, because if the effects of the passage mention earlier, their role confusion assist them in making the wrong choice. So many are stuck in these holding patterns. Their women, because they don't understand how a man thinks, often misses the cues, and before you know it; he has an explosion and she never say it coming.

It is unfortunate so many males are not taught to express their feelings, or to even recognize they have them. The spend so much energy trying to prove themselves, they seldom get to be themselves, unless it is to express some negative aspect of their personality.

I know a lot of women who were upset by Steve Harvey's book, Think Like A Man: Act Like A Lady. To those women who do not understand the importance of trying to understand another, know that you will never be understood. You have to give what you want to get back in intimate relationships. Until we learn and practice this we will never have what we want.

We have to find more empathy for the human male species.

Playing the Field

Many women get upset when a man says he is playing the field. They just can't stand to hear the honesty and would rather he decieve her and make her believe she is the only one. If he does that, and she later finds out he has been seeing someone else, she is furious, when he told her from the beginning what he was about.

We need to listen and accept what we hear. If he says he isn't ready. He isn't ready and we have to let it be. Forcing a situation is never the answer and usually will lead to heartache.

People tell you who they are all the time. Listen!

BCS-Basic Communication Skills-3

Describing Own Feelings

Describing your own feelings helps others to understand how you feel so that they can respond to you with greater efficacy. although feelings get expressed in many different ways, usually people make no attempt to describe or identify directly the feelings themselves. When you merely express your feelings, the other person must try to infer your emotional state from a variety of cues. Since these cues are often ambiguous or even contradictory, the likelihood of misperception is great. When you directly describe your own feelings, however, the chance of misinterpretation and resultant action based on false assumptions are decreased.

Dissatisfaction and hostile feelings often indicate that faulty communication and misunderstanding have occurred. When these feelings arise, you and the other person should discuss how each sees the situation or the relationship. In this way, you may discover that your feelings come from misperceptions of the situation or misunderstandings of the motives of the other person. More accurate communication should cause the hostile feelings to abate. On the other hand, if your feeling of rejection are a response to the actions of the other person, he may want to change this own behavior. This desire for change is particularly likely if the other becomes aware that his actions are arousing feelings i you or others that he does not intend. In this case, you have helped him to reduce his "blind area" by providing him with a description of your own feelings.

There are strong norms in our culture against expressing emotions openly and also again acknowledging that you perceive the other to be experiencing the description of feelings the most difficult of the skills presented here. They often ask for guideline regarding the appropriate times to describe your feelings. One of the best criteria, with regard to negative feelings at least, is to ask yourself whether you are going to harbor anxious or resentful feelings against the other. You should share your feelings when you feel that you will be uncomfortable if you do not.

The aim in describing your own feelings is to provide the other with accurate information about your emotional state. It should not be an effort to coerce the other into changing his annoying actions so that you will not feel as you do. Do not threaten the other with your feelings. By reporting your inner state, you are providing information that is necessary if the two of you are to understand each other and improve your relationship.

Good Day

I worked with Hazel Parrish on the Get Out of the Way! book project. Her book is due to be released in March.

It felt so good to be able to talk to her and relate some of the feelings that come with a long-term relationship. It is amazing how as you progress in the relationship you are able to distinguish between what is real and what is not. Remaining in the truth, being open and real is the only answer; the only way.

As she finished the last editing changes on her book today, I felt blessed to see how appreciative she was to be able to have her story published. She is working on part two. I have already written and published both my parts.

We both stay with our husband primarily because we believe we should, but also because they love us unconditionally and do not impede us from doing whatever it is we want to do in most cases.

It felt like bonding talking to someone who understands the importance of staying long enough to find out if you can stay.

Today was a good day.