So Glad I Don't Have to Know Everything

I have no idea where my life is headed, but I am okay with it. God has shown me consistently I am covered by grace. I have completed most of the goals I have set for myself. I feel there is so much more I need to do while on this earth.

I do plan to become an insurance agent, but I feel there is something more. I am so glad I don't have to know everything to move forward. I believe I will be guided correctly if I respond correctly. Even when we make choices we feel are best for us, there is still work to do.

So many of us feel like we have to know everything about what is expected of us before we will commit to doing what is required. Part of living is discovering. Life is an adventure. I moving forward without all the answers and I am grateful to be to do it.

Don't Mind

I don't mind the silent periods my husband and I go through. He seems to a lot, but they don't bother me. Why do we have to talk all the time? I don't feel it is necessary, especially not at this stage in the game. I'm not going anywhere, he ain't going nowhere, we have time to get things said that need to be said.

We put too much pressure on ourselves to be this, that and the other, when we should concentrate on just being sometimes.

Empathy-Part Four

Men overload on aggression. I am completely floored every time I hear about a man being violent towards a woman. Most times I tend to want to believe that nothing, outside of being physically attacked, should be able to provoke a man to hit a woman.

I am talking about the attacks men display against women just because they can't control their need to strike. Men are aggressive and when they are wrong, they are more likely to be highly aggressive due to being unable to accept they are at fault for the feelings they are having.

In the book, Fire In The Belly: On Being A Man by Sam Keen, it states, "Men live under constant dread of being labeled a sissy , a weakling. a wimp, a queer. Most everywhere they live under pressure, stress, and the constant need to prove themselves by establishing mastery in the arenas of war, work, and women, a near universal creed linking manhood with socially necessary activities of protecting, providing, and procreating."

What he is saying is men all over the world have associated conquering others, their work, and the women in their lives, and have somehow made them a part of what it means to be a man, while simultaneously connecting the for mentioned with being protectors, providers, and the maker of babies. As we know, they are failing miserably and their level of aggression is getting worse toward women.

Men are killing their wives and babies and thinking nothing of it. A lot of times these men have wronged their family and their reign of terror is being threatened, because if the effects of the passage mention earlier, their role confusion assist them in making the wrong choice. So many are stuck in these holding patterns. Their women, because they don't understand how a man thinks, often misses the cues, and before you know it; he has an explosion and she never say it coming.

It is unfortunate so many males are not taught to express their feelings, or to even recognize they have them. The spend so much energy trying to prove themselves, they seldom get to be themselves, unless it is to express some negative aspect of their personality.

I know a lot of women who were upset by Steve Harvey's book, Think Like A Man: Act Like A Lady. To those women who do not understand the importance of trying to understand another, know that you will never be understood. You have to give what you want to get back in intimate relationships. Until we learn and practice this we will never have what we want.

We have to find more empathy for the human male species.

Playing the Field

Many women get upset when a man says he is playing the field. They just can't stand to hear the honesty and would rather he decieve her and make her believe she is the only one. If he does that, and she later finds out he has been seeing someone else, she is furious, when he told her from the beginning what he was about.

We need to listen and accept what we hear. If he says he isn't ready. He isn't ready and we have to let it be. Forcing a situation is never the answer and usually will lead to heartache.

People tell you who they are all the time. Listen!

Personal Power

Increase your personal power by:

1. Listening--is the ability to hear what is being said and get the message behind the words. Developing the ability to encourage more information and to successfully understand what is being said. "I hear you saying you are not pleased with your assignment. Could be please tell me exactly what parts of the assignment bother you?"
2. Speaking Clearly and directly--Develop the ability to deliver a clear statement with no hidden messages. We must understand our own feelings and motivations in order to clarify and send direct messages.
3. Verbal and nonverbal congruence--develop the ability to support verbal statements with nonverbal behaviors that deliver the same message. (The look on your face should match what you say."
4. Setting limits--Develop the ability to set priorities and refuse to spend time on things and people that interfere with those priorities.
5. Making requests--Develop the ability to ask clearly, persistently and persuasively for the ting we want.
6. Managing conflict--Develop the ability to sort through the facts, behaviors and feelings of a difficult situation. In managing conflict it is especially important to separate facts from assumptions and present feelings from prior history. Managing conflict is a two-way communication process, and the sender of the message should always wait to hear the perceptions and feelings of the recipient. The next step is to move on to what we want the other person to do.
7. Negotiating--Develop the ability to give and take. Negotiating requires entering situations with a clear idea of what you want and what you don't ant, as well as paying attention to the needs, concerns and interests of the other party.
8. Motivating--Develop the ability to assess what is important to the people around you. Praise, reward, compliments, money, recognition, visibility and feedback are all excellent motivators. It takes observation and assessment to choose the one that best meets the needs of all. The best motivator is to catch people doing the right thing. We are so used to only responding to negative actions, that when someone does something right we tend to ignore them. When we praise them for what they have done right, they are likely to behave in a positive manner again.

People skills can be taught, identified, analyzed, learned and mastered. Practice makes perfect.

BCS-Basic Communication Skills-4

Describing Behavior

In a behavior description you should report specific observable behaviors of the other without evaluating them and without making inferences about the other person's motives, attitudes, or personality. As you develop skill in describing behavior you will become a better observer of the behaviors of others. You may find that there is sometimes little observable evidence to support our conclusion of others.

The objectives in describing behavior is to provide the other person with a clear picture of the specific behavior to which you are responding. In addition, you will usually need to communicate additional information concerning nature of your response. Behavior description is often used in conjunction with one of the other communication skills. When you describe those specific behaviors that have prompted a perception check or description of your own feelings, you will usually increase the other person's understanding of you and also help him to become aware of the effect of his own actions. A behavior description is often useful in accompanying a perception check. For example, "you have brought up the issue of gum-chewing three times this afternoon. Does that mean you feel strongly about it?"

If you and another person want to communicate clearly and improve your relationship, the behavior description can be a valuable skill. Each of you will become more aware of your impact on the other and you will both achieve a clearer picture of your own actions.