Even though their father and I are not together, he is still very active in their lives. He wants them around and does what he can for them. They know they are loved.
One of the many reasons I have stayed in the relationship is because he genuinely cares about his children and has always been willing to really be involved in their lives. My heart if grateful for this.
My youngest doesn't need as much as he would like to give and that bothers him. He still wants her to be a little girl and she is becoming a young woman. I encourage her to accept his love on whatever level he is able to give it. No matter what he is her father.
Because our parenting styles are so different, the kids prefer my methods more because I am not an authoritarian. I talk to them and try to get them to do what is in their best interest. Whereas, my husband tends to be dictatorial and obsessive. They say he drives them crazy. For me the most important words are "drives them." There is value in his method because he is actually trying to get them to do what they need to do.
As long as they know they are loved, I am happy.
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Giving Up
During a conversation about my not giving up, I asked my husband, "Why would I give up?" He said, "Because people get tired." I told him, "That's when you pray to God for strength. You don't give up."
This has always been the way I've lived my life. Many of my friends feel I should give up on my marriage and my job. Both of them are highly stressful, abusive in some ways, and causes a lot of conflict. None of which seems to bother me as much as it does others.
I have come to accept I understand spiritual principles on a level many others struggle with. Many people understand forgiveness, unconditional love, charity, peacemaking and reconciliation on a theoretical level, but are not able to apply these principles to their lives. They find it hard to forgive, to love unconditionally, to give without looking for something in return, to seek peaceful solutions that can facilitate win/win outcomes for all, or to truly reconcile their differences with themselves and others.
I, on the other hand, have since I can remember sought to learn how to become more able to love. I always loved the feeling I get when people are in harmony. That is why I love going to concerts. Those are some of the few times that people really get along, having a good time singing and laughing. Music truly is a great equalizer. Yet, outside of the concert experience, I rarely experience harmony with others. Folk are so mesmerized by the lives of others, or their own personal agendas, that they are incapable of recognizing out of touch with their spiritual needs.
I've never been willing to give up on me. When I was younger and felt discouraged or disappointed, I prayed for God to guide me. I did have a period of time when I thought I wanted to kill myself. I thought I didn't have a purpose, but that didn't last long. By the time I got into my 20's, I had a plan for my life and at no time did it include, giving up.
This has always been the way I've lived my life. Many of my friends feel I should give up on my marriage and my job. Both of them are highly stressful, abusive in some ways, and causes a lot of conflict. None of which seems to bother me as much as it does others.
I have come to accept I understand spiritual principles on a level many others struggle with. Many people understand forgiveness, unconditional love, charity, peacemaking and reconciliation on a theoretical level, but are not able to apply these principles to their lives. They find it hard to forgive, to love unconditionally, to give without looking for something in return, to seek peaceful solutions that can facilitate win/win outcomes for all, or to truly reconcile their differences with themselves and others.
I, on the other hand, have since I can remember sought to learn how to become more able to love. I always loved the feeling I get when people are in harmony. That is why I love going to concerts. Those are some of the few times that people really get along, having a good time singing and laughing. Music truly is a great equalizer. Yet, outside of the concert experience, I rarely experience harmony with others. Folk are so mesmerized by the lives of others, or their own personal agendas, that they are incapable of recognizing out of touch with their spiritual needs.
I've never been willing to give up on me. When I was younger and felt discouraged or disappointed, I prayed for God to guide me. I did have a period of time when I thought I wanted to kill myself. I thought I didn't have a purpose, but that didn't last long. By the time I got into my 20's, I had a plan for my life and at no time did it include, giving up.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
If It Don't Fit
When I was a kid in the early 70's, there was a song by Kellee Patterson called, If It Don't Fit,
the chorus said:
If it don't fit, don't force it
just relax and let it go
just cause that's how you want it
doesn't mean it will be so
Even though I believe I am in a God ordained marriage, I still am faced with the many ways the marriage does not fit me. There are a lot of things I want out of my marriage that I will never get. Having to accept that has been hard over the years, but lately I have come to terms with the reality that my marriage is so much more about the future than anything else.
My husband and I, as jacked up as we are, have been able to rear two marvelous children. We've managed to remain cordial and for the most part respectful of each other, even though we both know, we probably could have lived just as well are better with another partner. What amazes us is that we have been able to stay together no matter what has come against us.
I have a clear understanding of what is causing him to have the heart attacks and it is his blood pressure and the fact he does not take his medicine. As I sat there and listened to the doctors, I realized how much control he really does have and that he is unwilling to do what can keep him alive and healthy. This has made me want to leave him.
He is a quitter and quitters never when. I am winner. All day long, I ain't gon lie. I would never give up on me. But I may have to give up on him. He has begun his usual pattern of blaming me, being mean, and disregarding my feelings. He does this when he thinks he should take center stage, but like I've told him before, he created this mess. Had he listened to me at any other the times I've tried to get him to take care of himself, we would not be here.
I will sit back and watch to see if he will begin taking his medicine. I really don't think he will. I truly think he will continue to do what he hasn't been doing that has gotten him to this place.
Non-Resistance, this is the way. I will not resist his desire to kill himself. My running his life does not fit into the lifestyle I choose to lead. I will not force my way onto him. I will let live his, or not live, his life.
the chorus said:
If it don't fit, don't force it
just relax and let it go
just cause that's how you want it
doesn't mean it will be so
Even though I believe I am in a God ordained marriage, I still am faced with the many ways the marriage does not fit me. There are a lot of things I want out of my marriage that I will never get. Having to accept that has been hard over the years, but lately I have come to terms with the reality that my marriage is so much more about the future than anything else.
My husband and I, as jacked up as we are, have been able to rear two marvelous children. We've managed to remain cordial and for the most part respectful of each other, even though we both know, we probably could have lived just as well are better with another partner. What amazes us is that we have been able to stay together no matter what has come against us.
I have a clear understanding of what is causing him to have the heart attacks and it is his blood pressure and the fact he does not take his medicine. As I sat there and listened to the doctors, I realized how much control he really does have and that he is unwilling to do what can keep him alive and healthy. This has made me want to leave him.
He is a quitter and quitters never when. I am winner. All day long, I ain't gon lie. I would never give up on me. But I may have to give up on him. He has begun his usual pattern of blaming me, being mean, and disregarding my feelings. He does this when he thinks he should take center stage, but like I've told him before, he created this mess. Had he listened to me at any other the times I've tried to get him to take care of himself, we would not be here.
I will sit back and watch to see if he will begin taking his medicine. I really don't think he will. I truly think he will continue to do what he hasn't been doing that has gotten him to this place.
Non-Resistance, this is the way. I will not resist his desire to kill himself. My running his life does not fit into the lifestyle I choose to lead. I will not force my way onto him. I will let live his, or not live, his life.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What God Has for You
What God has for is just that, for you. I do no worry. I have lived long enough to see how it keeps you from your blessings.
I signed up for an event without knowing what it was really about. It said it was free to vendors, so especially since I was invited, I went. It turned out to be about a major as it gets in Louisville.
The mayor and every news outlet was there. There was keynote speakers, etc. People often ask me who I got to where I am. There is no magic to it. You have to have disciplined motivation.
I signed up for an event without knowing what it was really about. It said it was free to vendors, so especially since I was invited, I went. It turned out to be about a major as it gets in Louisville.
The mayor and every news outlet was there. There was keynote speakers, etc. People often ask me who I got to where I am. There is no magic to it. You have to have disciplined motivation.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Lucky
One of the great things about owning my publishing company is every once in a while I actually read a good book. Disciplined Motivation is one of them. Written by Davis Robinson, PHD, Disciplined Motivation is a book that begs you to not only rely on motivation to start projects, but to strenghthen your discipline to complete them.
We all know people who start projects, but cannot seem to finish them. This book addresses the issue in an insightful, easy to read manner. It makes suggestions as to how one can become more disciplined, but does not preach.
Even though I made the announcement last month that I planned to go back to school, this book has solidified my desire and need to do so. I am not completely working within my abilities and only going back and getting my masters in psychology will allow me to do that.
Disciplined Motivation will hit the shelves soon. I will keep you posted.
We all know people who start projects, but cannot seem to finish them. This book addresses the issue in an insightful, easy to read manner. It makes suggestions as to how one can become more disciplined, but does not preach.
Even though I made the announcement last month that I planned to go back to school, this book has solidified my desire and need to do so. I am not completely working within my abilities and only going back and getting my masters in psychology will allow me to do that.
Disciplined Motivation will hit the shelves soon. I will keep you posted.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My Time is Now
Most people know when the iron is hot, but do they strike? I know it is my time. I know that now, right now is the time for me to pursue and do the things I believe I have been called to do.
I am ready to fully pursue certain goals I have left on my list. One is to get my PhD.d in Psychology. It doesn't make since for me not to pursue that path. I've been reluctant because I didn't now whether I would be in Louisville, but my daughter has made some choice that make it irresistible to leave, so I will pursue my Masters here.
My time is now.
I am ready to fully pursue certain goals I have left on my list. One is to get my PhD.d in Psychology. It doesn't make since for me not to pursue that path. I've been reluctant because I didn't now whether I would be in Louisville, but my daughter has made some choice that make it irresistible to leave, so I will pursue my Masters here.
My time is now.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Spoiled
My husband accused me of not disciplining our youngest, and not supporting his rules. Even though it is not true, I am more relaxed in my approach to how I discipline her. He is really old school minus the hitting. He goes overboard, then back tracks. I am more consistent. Tonight she confided in me that she listens to me more than she listens to her dad. She tried to make me believe she does it because she is around me more, but I know differently.
I challenged her telling her she is to obey him whenever he is around. He is her dad and he is not telling her anything wrong. She admitted it upsets her that he wants the kitchen to look a certain way. "He just wants it to look how he wants it too look."
I sought for a way to help her see the bigger picture. My first response was that this is his house and he has the right to expect certain things. Then I thought to myself, "take the emotion out of it."
"You know what? If you work for someone, even if you have a better way of doing what they pay you to do, they expect you to do it their way. You can't just do it your way. Do you understand?" She shook her head yes. I told her to just think of it as he is preparing her for jobs.
It is too bad my husband is so closed minded. Until he opens he mind and deal with the issues that keep him stuck, he'll forever see his role as father in limited terms. Kids need so much and the little that he does give just may not be enough. Sometimes as much as you give it will never be enough.
His biggest problem is he is so unreasonable. It takes too long for him to come to the right conclusion because the way he reasons is through rationalization, which is reason lacking responsibility. I pray that he will soon let go and let God help him figure out the best way to handle situations. Until then, I'm glad I'm here.
My daughter will be the first to say she is spoiled. She probably would say we both spoil her, but I feel how her dad deals with her spoils her. His wishy washy way of discipline gives the child too much leeway and they learn not to trust you and not listen to you as much.
She would say I spoil her with things. It is not true. She doesn't have a lot of unnecessary things. She views normal maintenance as getting alot, when in actuality I am just doing my job.
I challenged her telling her she is to obey him whenever he is around. He is her dad and he is not telling her anything wrong. She admitted it upsets her that he wants the kitchen to look a certain way. "He just wants it to look how he wants it too look."
I sought for a way to help her see the bigger picture. My first response was that this is his house and he has the right to expect certain things. Then I thought to myself, "take the emotion out of it."
"You know what? If you work for someone, even if you have a better way of doing what they pay you to do, they expect you to do it their way. You can't just do it your way. Do you understand?" She shook her head yes. I told her to just think of it as he is preparing her for jobs.
It is too bad my husband is so closed minded. Until he opens he mind and deal with the issues that keep him stuck, he'll forever see his role as father in limited terms. Kids need so much and the little that he does give just may not be enough. Sometimes as much as you give it will never be enough.
His biggest problem is he is so unreasonable. It takes too long for him to come to the right conclusion because the way he reasons is through rationalization, which is reason lacking responsibility. I pray that he will soon let go and let God help him figure out the best way to handle situations. Until then, I'm glad I'm here.
My daughter will be the first to say she is spoiled. She probably would say we both spoil her, but I feel how her dad deals with her spoils her. His wishy washy way of discipline gives the child too much leeway and they learn not to trust you and not listen to you as much.
She would say I spoil her with things. It is not true. She doesn't have a lot of unnecessary things. She views normal maintenance as getting alot, when in actuality I am just doing my job.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)