From Which I Receive My Help

"People are not always loyal and grateful....gratitude is rare, we must get used to living only for God and to expect thanks only from Him." St. Mary Euphrasia

This is so true and so hard to do. Because we are human and of flesh, it makes it hard for us to live only for God, who is of spirit. We have to dig deep within ourselves to live only for God. We must relinquish our need to have others be there for us and grateful that we are there for them. We must do what we do because we know it is right and in line with what God mandates for us all.

Once I really understood the above quote, I was no longer unhappy with the way my marriage turned out. I understood I was to do what I had done and continue to do what I feel is right in the marriage. It has been very hard to perservere during many of the circumstances and situations that have presented themselves during my 25 year relationship with my husband.

He has not shown me the respect or love I would have hoped for, but what did happen for me is I grew to understand I didn't need it from him as much, when I learned to love myself more and appreciate my ability to love him despite his inability to love me. I do believe this is what God wants from us, especially in our marriages. Whether he loved me or not, my need for love drove me to find the greatest love of all, love of self.

So many people get married thinking they will be completed in some way. Marriage is just the beginning. Whatever completion of self that happens, happens when one learns to love themselves, not by being loved by someone else.

Lean on your faith in times of dispair. Be honest with yourself and open up to the possibility that if you are unhappy it may because you haven't learned to appreciate, be loyal to and love yourself.

Empathy: Part Two

Of course I expected women to be upset with the first part of this on going blog. My values have been challenged. I was asked, "Are you saying that you do not believe in monogamy in a marriage."

I believe marriage is the only relationship where monogamy can be assumed. I do not believe men or women are naturally monogamous. Monogamy is a choice. I got married because when I saw what AIDS did to Rock Hudson, one of the most beautiful men I have ever laid eyes on, I was horrified.

I immediately vowed to give up my "free love" lifestyle and chose to marry.

I did so knowing there was a possibility either one of us would not be able to hold to our vows of only having sex with the other. My first blog was specifically written with the purpose of focusing on men.

I valued myself and I saw participating in a monogamous relationship as a narrowing of the opportunity I would catch that horrible disease. I never wanted to marry. I wasn't one of those girls who fantasized about being a mother or having kids. I've always wanted to be a career woman free to do what I want when I want. My self-respect wouldn't let me continue to have meaningless sex with men of my choice. I valued who I could be as a woman and I refused to allow giving into what amounts to biological, natural desires to cause me to lose my life.

Men, on the other hand, seem to have a harder time resisting their flesh. What I was saying in the other blog is; after raising a boy, I can empathize with their struggle. Some women who don't know their husband's masturbate, and/or haven't reared little boys have no idea of what it is like to watch a male struggle with what is the appropriate handling of their penis. I had to begin teaching my son at the age of three, (when he discovered his penis felt good when his rubbed it) that it was inappropriate to touch himself in front of others. I would direct him to his room, with his penis in his hand letting him know through my actions that I had no issue with him touching him, as much as I did with the fact he did so in front of others and in the living room.

I did him a great service. By not shaming him, I allowed him to do what comes natural and gave him life skills at the same time. Say what you want, you cannot go against nature. God did not intend males to have to go through such torture. They are all born with foreskins, but in our lazy culture the skin is removed because disease can easily hide in the folds of the skin. A man has to be very clean to keep odor, and disease away. Removing the foreskin is a religious ritual for the Jewish faith, but it is done to prevent disease and make it easier to keep clean.

If we (men and women) would only think of each other as undiscovered territory, we could be monogamous. Instead, because we are never content, we want to believe there is always something better, when most often we don't even know what we got in the bed with us.

I believe marriage is the only true relationship that can sustain monogamy. The vows dictate it. The couple swears to it. I can be done.

Empathy

Many women are probably going to think I am crazy when I say I can understand why some men are unfaithful.

When I had my son, I was astonished by the number of times I had to literally touch his penis. It made me think about how hard it must be to have such a sensitive spot being touched all the time. The fact that it is also a sex organ really made me pay attention to the reality that men really do have a lot of biological factors that make it hard for them to be monogamous.

It is easier for women to say no. Our sensitive places, (other than nipples) are secluded. Whereas a man has to touch his penis each time he uses the bathroom, put his pants and underwear on, etc. No wonder so many of them have a problem keeping it in their pants. They never really get a chance not to think about it.

I understand why they masturbate. I understand why they focus on it. It is a lot to ask a man not to think about the needs of his organ. A man does have to rise above his flesh constantly and that is hard for any of us to do. We want what we want, sometimes without justification, but we want it just the same.

I do not believe in monogamy. There is nothing I have learned during my years of schooling, watching documentaries, or living life that has made me believe it is even truly possible for the majority of us. It really does take a strong conviction and a willingness not to let your physical wants, needs, and desires to take over your life.

We all know men are simple, plain and simple. It makes sense to them to satisfy themselves when they feel the need. It is all a mind game and if you have a weak mind, you probably will have weak relations with others.

It really comes down the to the individual and whether or not they are able, or want to control themselves.

Just because I understand does not mean I agree. I am sure there are many men who have been able to rise above their need to feel their nature rise. I just don't know any.