I Do

I do think highly of myself. Yes, I really do. I know what I have had to overcome and is still overcoming everyday. I also know folk who haven't experienced I 1/3 of what I have and have killed themselves. I am beyond a survivor, I have learned how to live.

I have wanted to be a writer since I was 10 years old. I remember telling my classmates my plans back in the fourth grade. Of course they all told me I wouldn't be going anywhere and most definitely would not be famous. When I went to high school, I found I was multi-talented. A triple threat and some if I may say so myself. I sing, dance, act, write, perform stand-up, cook, publish. I have lived the life I knew I would. Even in high school, I didn't view having money as being successful. I knew I would be successful if I got the chance to live they way I always dreamed of and that is being at peace in every situation.

I knew back then that doing what I loved was all that really mattered. I knew of people who were miserable on their jobs, but felt trapped, or were uneducated, or really just had no desire to go beyond what felt comfortable at the time. My ambitious spirit never lets me rest and I do feel it has been a great asset, but I have also recognized how it could take me down, if I let it.

I do feel good about the fact I learned that maintaining a balanced life is the best way to get the best out of life. I actually fill great about the fact I learned this in my thirties and was able to practice it to the point I could see the benefits in my life. I do feel some pride over tackling the devil within and showing her up to be the liar she is. There was something deeply self-destructive inside of me. I purged her and yes, I do feel good about that.

Learning more about me has helped to save my marriage. I found I didn't care about a lot of things I once thought I did, so therefore there was no need to argue or have discord over stuff that doesn't matter. Of course this made me much easier to get along and live with. All these little things added up and now I can say without a doubt, I do have myself together.

So Tired

I must admit I am tired of thinking about my marriage and constantly checking its pulse for signs of life. For the most part I'm cool, but the work that has to go into keeping things that way is amazing, yet necessary.

Still, I'm tired and I'm gonna take a break.

Personal Power

Increase your personal power by:

1. Listening--is the ability to hear what is being said and get the message behind the words. Developing the ability to encourage more information and to successfully understand what is being said. "I hear you saying you are not pleased with your assignment. Could be please tell me exactly what parts of the assignment bother you?"
2. Speaking Clearly and directly--Develop the ability to deliver a clear statement with no hidden messages. We must understand our own feelings and motivations in order to clarify and send direct messages.
3. Verbal and nonverbal congruence--develop the ability to support verbal statements with nonverbal behaviors that deliver the same message. (The look on your face should match what you say."
4. Setting limits--Develop the ability to set priorities and refuse to spend time on things and people that interfere with those priorities.
5. Making requests--Develop the ability to ask clearly, persistently and persuasively for the ting we want.
6. Managing conflict--Develop the ability to sort through the facts, behaviors and feelings of a difficult situation. In managing conflict it is especially important to separate facts from assumptions and present feelings from prior history. Managing conflict is a two-way communication process, and the sender of the message should always wait to hear the perceptions and feelings of the recipient. The next step is to move on to what we want the other person to do.
7. Negotiating--Develop the ability to give and take. Negotiating requires entering situations with a clear idea of what you want and what you don't ant, as well as paying attention to the needs, concerns and interests of the other party.
8. Motivating--Develop the ability to assess what is important to the people around you. Praise, reward, compliments, money, recognition, visibility and feedback are all excellent motivators. It takes observation and assessment to choose the one that best meets the needs of all. The best motivator is to catch people doing the right thing. We are so used to only responding to negative actions, that when someone does something right we tend to ignore them. When we praise them for what they have done right, they are likely to behave in a positive manner again.

People skills can be taught, identified, analyzed, learned and mastered. Practice makes perfect.

Problem Solving

Did you know there are six steps to problem solving? I know many people don't know that. They think drinking a glass of wine and worrying will solve their problems. They think telling everyone they know will help them find the answer. They think running to the arms of someone other than their spouse will solve the problem.

Well here are the six steps to solving problems:

1. Defind the problem-Get a clear idea of what the problem really is. Oftentimes, we don't really understand the issue at hand.
2. Generate possible solutions-You hear people say, after making a stupid decision, "Well, I thought I had no other choice." People limit themselves when it comes to possible solutions to the problems of their lives when in fact there are usually at least four or five solutions that are viable.
3. Evaluate the solutions-Take time to figure out if the solution will be a win/win for all involved.
4. Making the decision-After going over the possiblities, one solution may stick out more than another. If you are still having trouble with the solution, rework it until one clearly seems to be the answer.
5. Determine the implementation-Figure out how you are going to execute your solution. Figure out who is going to do what and follow up until it is done.
6. Assessing the success-Is the problem solved? Are you satisfied with the solution?

Taking the time to use these steps will make a difference when problems arise.
5.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

The best thing I have ever done for my marriage is to learn when to keep my mouth shut. It was a time I felt as though I had to say something about just about everything. I was going to make sure my opinion and voice were heard.

I learned that in marriage a lot of what we verbalize tends to be negative. When is the last time you told your spouse how wonderful they are? When was the last time you congratulated them, or even given them a positive nod?

We must learn when to say what we think needs to be said and understand that how we say it matters the most. In our marriages, we must make the committment to uplift and encourage as much as we can. Marriage is a long-term operation. If we develop the habit of verbalizing every slight, we will create a hostile in the environment we need to find the most peace, our homes.

Think before you speak, or just don't speak at all. Sometimes saying nothing speaks louder than any words ever could.

Believe

It is amazing how you can meet someone who reminds you of yourself. This has happened to me and I am compelled to try to help this person, because she is much younger than I and already has made so many bad choices.



To find the right words is often hard and I really wonder if I should even say anything because who am I to think I know her because she reminds me of myself? She reminds me of when I was unable to focus, having rapid thoughts, and a vivid imagination that took me from one project to the other, never quite finishing any of them.

I want to tell her that there will come a time in life when you recognize you need to take care of yourself. I can only hope it will be sooner, rather than later in her life. I spent so much of my youth angry, lonely, overwhelmed and lacking true discipline. Now that I am 48, hindsight is 20/20; I see where I went wrong, or could have been more patient, or should have just not done anything. I can see how hating myself, even for a minute, casued me undue stress and humiliation.

I want to believe I can help her.