"People are not always loyal and grateful....gratitude is rare, we must get used to living only for God and to expect thanks only from Him." St. Mary Euphrasia
This is so true and so hard to do. Because we are human and of flesh, it makes it hard for us to live only for God, who is of spirit. We have to dig deep within ourselves to live only for God. We must relinquish our need to have others be there for us and grateful that we are there for them. We must do what we do because we know it is right and in line with what God mandates for us all.
Once I really understood the above quote, I was no longer unhappy with the way my marriage turned out. I understood I was to do what I had done and continue to do what I feel is right in the marriage. It has been very hard to perservere during many of the circumstances and situations that have presented themselves during my 25 year relationship with my husband.
He has not shown me the respect or love I would have hoped for, but what did happen for me is I grew to understand I didn't need it from him as much, when I learned to love myself more and appreciate my ability to love him despite his inability to love me. I do believe this is what God wants from us, especially in our marriages. Whether he loved me or not, my need for love drove me to find the greatest love of all, love of self.
So many people get married thinking they will be completed in some way. Marriage is just the beginning. Whatever completion of self that happens, happens when one learns to love themselves, not by being loved by someone else.
Lean on your faith in times of dispair. Be honest with yourself and open up to the possibility that if you are unhappy it may because you haven't learned to appreciate, be loyal to and love yourself.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Prevent Teen Pregnancy
Doesn't that title sound stupid? We are always against something, fighting something, rejecting something, denying something.
We, (America) hasn't figured out that trying to keep people from having sex, especially when they first discover it, is almost impossible without first holding them in high enough esteem that will allow them to understand and value waiting to relinquish their virginity. Our methods for trying to prevent pregnancy are negative and will never work.
Even with education, the drive to engage in sexual intercourse is strong and will most likely only result in that person taking precautions to prevent pregnancy and/or disease. which is all you can really hope for.
If we want to prevent teen pregnancy, we have to learn to relate to our teens. I don't see this happening. So many parents are too caught up in themselves, their jobs, etc.
We need to hold our daughters longer into their teenaged years. Their fathers should be the ones complimenting them and making them feel special and helping them understand the importance of denying their flesh. Instead, we preach and yell, and restrict, and deny. In many homes, this behavior by the parents will solidfy that child engaging in sex.
Many households have upheld the "Don't ask, don't tell," rule for centuries. No one is asking questions and no one is devulging any information. In the last blog, I mentioned my youngest daughter telling me about her classmate. She told me because she said she was having some symptoms that sounded like symptoms of pregnancy. I immediately asked her was she pregnant. She yelled, "I'm still a virgin!" I just wanted to hear her say it. I knew she wasn't pregnant, but it was also my way of letting her know what some of the symptoms of pregnancy are. She then revealed all the other information about her classmate.
Open, honest, communication! This is the only way to prevent most things.
We, (America) hasn't figured out that trying to keep people from having sex, especially when they first discover it, is almost impossible without first holding them in high enough esteem that will allow them to understand and value waiting to relinquish their virginity. Our methods for trying to prevent pregnancy are negative and will never work.
Even with education, the drive to engage in sexual intercourse is strong and will most likely only result in that person taking precautions to prevent pregnancy and/or disease. which is all you can really hope for.
If we want to prevent teen pregnancy, we have to learn to relate to our teens. I don't see this happening. So many parents are too caught up in themselves, their jobs, etc.
We need to hold our daughters longer into their teenaged years. Their fathers should be the ones complimenting them and making them feel special and helping them understand the importance of denying their flesh. Instead, we preach and yell, and restrict, and deny. In many homes, this behavior by the parents will solidfy that child engaging in sex.
Many households have upheld the "Don't ask, don't tell," rule for centuries. No one is asking questions and no one is devulging any information. In the last blog, I mentioned my youngest daughter telling me about her classmate. She told me because she said she was having some symptoms that sounded like symptoms of pregnancy. I immediately asked her was she pregnant. She yelled, "I'm still a virgin!" I just wanted to hear her say it. I knew she wasn't pregnant, but it was also my way of letting her know what some of the symptoms of pregnancy are. She then revealed all the other information about her classmate.
Open, honest, communication! This is the only way to prevent most things.
Never Too Late
Have you hurt someone? Have you hurt yourself? It is never too late to forgive. Absolutely never too late.
Use your forgiveness muscle and watch love grow.
Use your forgiveness muscle and watch love grow.
Agendas
We all have an agenda. No matter how big or small each of has some sort of idea of what we want for ourselves.
Sometimes people's agendas have more to do with others than themselves. There are people who plot the lives of others, ignoring their own. There are people who actually believe they know what is right for other people, while their own lives are in complete disarray.
Find out what a persons agenda is before you let them put you on their list.
Sometimes people's agendas have more to do with others than themselves. There are people who plot the lives of others, ignoring their own. There are people who actually believe they know what is right for other people, while their own lives are in complete disarray.
Find out what a persons agenda is before you let them put you on their list.
Blog 101
I have written 100 blogs this is 101. I want to talk about women who get married too young.
So many times young girls fantacize about marriage. They have no idea what it takes to be mature enough to make the commitment they are hell bound on making.
When most of these young women get married, they have built up a false sense of being capable of handling whatever comes their way. They think because they are "grown," which usually means they are 18 and over, that they are ready.
All it takes is one instance of something happening they did not expect for many of them to run to family and friends proclaiming the mate does not love them because they are not who they thought they were, or they are not living up to their expectations. Most family and friends were reared up on the same misinformation regarding marriage and may encourage her to leave, or to withhold, or withdraw. It is rare that a young woman's circle includes someone who is progressive and educated about relationships.
These young women are fragile and often use tears to try to motivate the spouse to return the response they hoped the tears would evoke. Most often, because men are male, they tend to reject tears and rarely respond to them in a positive way. A precedence is usually set after this very first misunderstanding. He does something she had not bargained for, she gets upset, includes others, he retreats, she cries to try to get him to come out of his cave, but he digs himself in deeper, because that is what a lot of males do when they cannot handle emotional upheaval, even if the caused it.
My kids laughed at me when I told them they should wait until they are 30 before even thinking about getting married. It seemed too long to wait, but as the first two began to have psuedo relationships, they soon understood my proclaimations that they would not be ready for the emotional turmoil often caused when one tries to soon to be committed to another at such a young age.
My daughter is 30 years old and has only recently met someone she is considering having a committed relationship with. I am proud of how she listened to me telling her over the years that she was not emotionally ready for a committed relationship. I think she listened to me, because the people who she was involved with told her the same thing. She often heard them say to her, "You are not affectionate enough." "You don't seem to care whether I'm here or not."
I told her that her fear of intimacy was showing and at the wrong place and time, during her intimate relationships. She was 29 before she sincerely felt she was ready to think about committing to someone.
My 18 year old son has really heeded my cry not to get too involved too early. He has refused to get a steady girlfriend and I must admit leads a drama free existence, while his peers are struggling with petty fights, break-up to make-ups, and emotional turmoil.
My 13 recently told me a classmate of hers told several kids she was sexually active and is now ashamed because she thought it would make her popular, instead, the kids have been cruel and make fun of her. My daughter told me she was asked if she ever planned to have kids. She said she told them, "Yes, after I finish school, and that includes college." Good answer.
We have to talk to our children and tell the truth about marriage. Marriage is for mature adults, not young adults still trying to find their own way in this world. Get to know you, before you get married.
So many times young girls fantacize about marriage. They have no idea what it takes to be mature enough to make the commitment they are hell bound on making.
When most of these young women get married, they have built up a false sense of being capable of handling whatever comes their way. They think because they are "grown," which usually means they are 18 and over, that they are ready.
All it takes is one instance of something happening they did not expect for many of them to run to family and friends proclaiming the mate does not love them because they are not who they thought they were, or they are not living up to their expectations. Most family and friends were reared up on the same misinformation regarding marriage and may encourage her to leave, or to withhold, or withdraw. It is rare that a young woman's circle includes someone who is progressive and educated about relationships.
These young women are fragile and often use tears to try to motivate the spouse to return the response they hoped the tears would evoke. Most often, because men are male, they tend to reject tears and rarely respond to them in a positive way. A precedence is usually set after this very first misunderstanding. He does something she had not bargained for, she gets upset, includes others, he retreats, she cries to try to get him to come out of his cave, but he digs himself in deeper, because that is what a lot of males do when they cannot handle emotional upheaval, even if the caused it.
My kids laughed at me when I told them they should wait until they are 30 before even thinking about getting married. It seemed too long to wait, but as the first two began to have psuedo relationships, they soon understood my proclaimations that they would not be ready for the emotional turmoil often caused when one tries to soon to be committed to another at such a young age.
My daughter is 30 years old and has only recently met someone she is considering having a committed relationship with. I am proud of how she listened to me telling her over the years that she was not emotionally ready for a committed relationship. I think she listened to me, because the people who she was involved with told her the same thing. She often heard them say to her, "You are not affectionate enough." "You don't seem to care whether I'm here or not."
I told her that her fear of intimacy was showing and at the wrong place and time, during her intimate relationships. She was 29 before she sincerely felt she was ready to think about committing to someone.
My 18 year old son has really heeded my cry not to get too involved too early. He has refused to get a steady girlfriend and I must admit leads a drama free existence, while his peers are struggling with petty fights, break-up to make-ups, and emotional turmoil.
My 13 recently told me a classmate of hers told several kids she was sexually active and is now ashamed because she thought it would make her popular, instead, the kids have been cruel and make fun of her. My daughter told me she was asked if she ever planned to have kids. She said she told them, "Yes, after I finish school, and that includes college." Good answer.
We have to talk to our children and tell the truth about marriage. Marriage is for mature adults, not young adults still trying to find their own way in this world. Get to know you, before you get married.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Too Much, Too Little, Too Late
Most relationships run a certain course. I am a firm believer that forever does not exist. All we get is the time we have however long that may be.
Yet, we do have some say when it comes to what happens to us. I'm finding more and more that I am unwilling to live the way I have been for that past few years. I am ready for a drastic change and I fear others will not be able to handle the transitions, transformations, and removals of those who no longer have a place in my life.
All who have not invested in a relationship with me will find trying to have one now will be too much, too little, too late.
Yet, we do have some say when it comes to what happens to us. I'm finding more and more that I am unwilling to live the way I have been for that past few years. I am ready for a drastic change and I fear others will not be able to handle the transitions, transformations, and removals of those who no longer have a place in my life.
All who have not invested in a relationship with me will find trying to have one now will be too much, too little, too late.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Empathy: Part Two
Of course I expected women to be upset with the first part of this on going blog. My values have been challenged. I was asked, "Are you saying that you do not believe in monogamy in a marriage."
I believe marriage is the only relationship where monogamy can be assumed. I do not believe men or women are naturally monogamous. Monogamy is a choice. I got married because when I saw what AIDS did to Rock Hudson, one of the most beautiful men I have ever laid eyes on, I was horrified.
I immediately vowed to give up my "free love" lifestyle and chose to marry.
I did so knowing there was a possibility either one of us would not be able to hold to our vows of only having sex with the other. My first blog was specifically written with the purpose of focusing on men.
I valued myself and I saw participating in a monogamous relationship as a narrowing of the opportunity I would catch that horrible disease. I never wanted to marry. I wasn't one of those girls who fantasized about being a mother or having kids. I've always wanted to be a career woman free to do what I want when I want. My self-respect wouldn't let me continue to have meaningless sex with men of my choice. I valued who I could be as a woman and I refused to allow giving into what amounts to biological, natural desires to cause me to lose my life.
Men, on the other hand, seem to have a harder time resisting their flesh. What I was saying in the other blog is; after raising a boy, I can empathize with their struggle. Some women who don't know their husband's masturbate, and/or haven't reared little boys have no idea of what it is like to watch a male struggle with what is the appropriate handling of their penis. I had to begin teaching my son at the age of three, (when he discovered his penis felt good when his rubbed it) that it was inappropriate to touch himself in front of others. I would direct him to his room, with his penis in his hand letting him know through my actions that I had no issue with him touching him, as much as I did with the fact he did so in front of others and in the living room.
I did him a great service. By not shaming him, I allowed him to do what comes natural and gave him life skills at the same time. Say what you want, you cannot go against nature. God did not intend males to have to go through such torture. They are all born with foreskins, but in our lazy culture the skin is removed because disease can easily hide in the folds of the skin. A man has to be very clean to keep odor, and disease away. Removing the foreskin is a religious ritual for the Jewish faith, but it is done to prevent disease and make it easier to keep clean.
If we (men and women) would only think of each other as undiscovered territory, we could be monogamous. Instead, because we are never content, we want to believe there is always something better, when most often we don't even know what we got in the bed with us.
I believe marriage is the only true relationship that can sustain monogamy. The vows dictate it. The couple swears to it. I can be done.
I believe marriage is the only relationship where monogamy can be assumed. I do not believe men or women are naturally monogamous. Monogamy is a choice. I got married because when I saw what AIDS did to Rock Hudson, one of the most beautiful men I have ever laid eyes on, I was horrified.
I immediately vowed to give up my "free love" lifestyle and chose to marry.
I did so knowing there was a possibility either one of us would not be able to hold to our vows of only having sex with the other. My first blog was specifically written with the purpose of focusing on men.
I valued myself and I saw participating in a monogamous relationship as a narrowing of the opportunity I would catch that horrible disease. I never wanted to marry. I wasn't one of those girls who fantasized about being a mother or having kids. I've always wanted to be a career woman free to do what I want when I want. My self-respect wouldn't let me continue to have meaningless sex with men of my choice. I valued who I could be as a woman and I refused to allow giving into what amounts to biological, natural desires to cause me to lose my life.
Men, on the other hand, seem to have a harder time resisting their flesh. What I was saying in the other blog is; after raising a boy, I can empathize with their struggle. Some women who don't know their husband's masturbate, and/or haven't reared little boys have no idea of what it is like to watch a male struggle with what is the appropriate handling of their penis. I had to begin teaching my son at the age of three, (when he discovered his penis felt good when his rubbed it) that it was inappropriate to touch himself in front of others. I would direct him to his room, with his penis in his hand letting him know through my actions that I had no issue with him touching him, as much as I did with the fact he did so in front of others and in the living room.
I did him a great service. By not shaming him, I allowed him to do what comes natural and gave him life skills at the same time. Say what you want, you cannot go against nature. God did not intend males to have to go through such torture. They are all born with foreskins, but in our lazy culture the skin is removed because disease can easily hide in the folds of the skin. A man has to be very clean to keep odor, and disease away. Removing the foreskin is a religious ritual for the Jewish faith, but it is done to prevent disease and make it easier to keep clean.
If we (men and women) would only think of each other as undiscovered territory, we could be monogamous. Instead, because we are never content, we want to believe there is always something better, when most often we don't even know what we got in the bed with us.
I believe marriage is the only true relationship that can sustain monogamy. The vows dictate it. The couple swears to it. I can be done.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)