So Disappointed

My greatest disappointment as an adult is to arrive at middle age and to find so many grown folk who do not want to be adults. It saddens me to see on a daily basis how many people who do not want to behave age appropriate, do not want to take responsibility for the choices they make and those who literally just come out and say, "I don't want to grow up."

People want to buy everything they think they want on credit, but when it comes time to pay for it, they don't want someone else to foot the bill.

Now that I know for sure my husband and I will not be reconciling,  I have actually talked to some men who I thought should be mature adults. Two in particular are over 60 and are two of the most childish, immature men I have ever met. The are selfish and self-centered and have no compassion. It is scary.

I really don't know what to think. I have done all the settling I'm gonna do in my marriage. I will not spend anytime with anyone who does not respond adult like. No more drama and definitely no childish bullshit coming from men half a century old or more.

I am so disappointed.

Disappointed

My biggest disappointment with society is that there are so few adults. It is so sad to see how many adult/children there are. People behave badly and expect others to ignore their behavior. They lie, steal, cheat, coerce. Folk refuse to take responsibility for stuff they have gotten caught red-handed doing.

It amazes me to no end how old folk act like two year old children when they don't get what they want right away. The expectations. The feelings of entitlement. Wow!

I work too hard. I care too much. I think too much. I try too hard. I wish I could be like other folk I know and just live off other people. Do all I can to get over and get by. But I can't. I like hard work. I like to accomplish goals I've set for myself.

I want to be held accountable for my actions, just as I do my accomplishments. I embrace adulthood and am very disappointed that many other don't.

Unevenly Yoked

It was never a doubt in my mind my husband and I were unevenly yoked on many levels. It never truly made any difference to me as a whole, but sometimes during the day-to-day living it can really be a drag.

I am more everything than he: stable, educated, financially fit, capable of growing and expanding. He has always let this reality play heavily on his psyche. He has spent so much energy trying to bring me down to his level. Whenever we argue it is like arguing with PeeWee Herman, "I know I am, but what are you." His use of projection is so tired until it is laughable. It is his only defense, his only response. The only way he can make himself feel better is to make himself believe because I love him, I am like him.

Other people feel that way too. But we all know opposites attract and I cannot be more opposite than he. His revelation about being "grown" has only served to widen the gap that already existed between us. I find myself less tolerant than I was when I really didn't know what his problem truly was. Now that I know it is pure immaturity, I have zero tolerance, so we have begun to banter more because I refuse to allow him to think his childish behavior is being ignored.

It is a huge turn off, to say the least. His unbalanced way of dealing with everything is tiring and trying. The fact he is very ill only magnifies his raunchy personality and everyone is catching hell. He told me that I treat people like they don't know anything. That I am always trying to be in control. All the childish expressions he has held to since we met, he is still struggling with the reality that he is looking at me through the eyes of a child.

If he gets the chance to grow and change, I pray he will get to see me as the strong, capable, willing woman that I am. I refuse to let him make me pay for loving him. It is not my fault he cannot accept I see way more in him than he could possibly imagine. Instead of appreciating it, he hates me for it. This too is a personal problem. He has to deal with his petty jealousy and misplaced anger. I know I am doing the right thing in accordance with the plans God has for my life.

I only wish him well and I want to be here for him. I only want to love him. I don't want to be his mother, or controller. He can't see that because he is afraid to grow up.

Persistence

"The grandest quality of a true achiever is not natural talent or acquired skil, but persistence--the will to keep going when the way grows hard. The true achiever never give up when difficulty comes. He fights off the discouragement of defeat. Persistence is the most important quality of the consistent winner."

If you want to win at something, do not give up. This is the only reason my husband and I are still married. We want to win at this marriage thing. Neither one of us want divorce as a part of our legacy. We would rather fight than switch and because of that our bond has grown deeper and stronger with every storm that hits us.

The other day my husband laid on top of me and said, "How does it feel to be a failure?" With a puzzled look on my face I asked, "What are you talking about?" "You've been unsuccessful at trying to get rid of me for over 25 years. I'd say you are a big failure." We laughed and gut laugh and enjoyed each others company.

We are winning because we are making the choice. Not because we have some magic going on, or we know some secret method. We are in the trenches, fighting to good fight everyday. That's how you do it. hold on for the good.

I'm Okay

I went to my 30th year class reunion at the end of July. Everyone was milling around, hugging each other and seemed so glad to see each other. People came up to me, but I soon recognized there was only two people I actually went up to and hugged.

Louis Parker, Jr. was one of them. I asked him, "Louis, where was I? I don't feel like I know anyone." He said, "Wanda, you were quiet. If no one said anything to you, you didn't say anything to them. We saw you in class, passing in the halls, and the school dances."

I must admit I felt a little empty inside, but I soon got over it. I didn't have time for them in high school. So many of them seemed as immature as they were. I thought I was grown and carried myself that way. Yes, there are drawbacks to feeling this way. One being, I don't have many friends, and I definitely don't have 30 year old friends that I have kept in contact with.

I just didn't need high school to define me like so many of them did. They are still holding on to high school glory, whereas I knew the best time of my life was not then. I knew there was nothing like being an adult who took full responsibility for their actions. I couldn't wait to be a "grown up."

Now, that I am, I relish in it. This is the best time of my life. Even though I am 60 pounds heavier than I was in high school, I heard repeatedly how I looked the same. That was a good feeling, especially since so many had changed so drastically.

I like where I am right now in life. I was right to stay to myself and follow the promptings of my soul.

One of my classmates asked me if I had thought about coming back home. I asked, "What would I do?" He seemed shocked, but it was a valid question. The area is more depressed than it was 30 years ago, it most definitely has less to offer to me. I didn't see a future there back then and I definitely don't see one now.

Personal Responsibility

The biggest disappointment of my adult life has been to get here and find so many "supposed to be adult" people are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions.

Wake up! Hold yourself accountable that way no one else will have to.

It's Your Ego Talking Boyce

It is so easy to feel as though President Obama and Attorney General Holder are chastizing black men. So what if they are? Men have to be able to take the scrutiny from their brothers. This is the biggest problem with male bonding. There is a tendancy to let each other slide.



Had Tiger Woods had a real male friend he would have stopped Tiger long ago. A woman's girlfriend would have at the least, slipped and let her girl know she thought she was a hoe. We all know the reasons, but at this point they are excuses. Brother need to be raised by their parents, or parent, whatever the situation. So many are allowed to do whatever boys do, and depending on the environment, it very well may not be much.



Another reason I stay in my marriage is because I figured out what President Obama and Atty. Gen. Holder are talking about when they say men are "behaving like little boys" by not staying home with their families. They are right. Too many woman let their spouses off the hook, when they should fight it out and help him understand the importance of staying in her/their house and taking care of her/their children. The strongest of the species are capable of doing this. It is innate in our human make-up.



Fear of emotional pain causes us to only find more emotional pain. We cannot figure it out. Pain is the biggest part of it. Learning to manage the painful experiences of life is all that is required. You cannot run from that which is set in your path by our life's circumstances. You can change the circumstances and this is the only path-growth. Learning to apply what you learn.



What has to happen is men and women need to learn more about each other. Some things that cause strain in our relationships have to do with who we are at the core of our existence. Both sexes need to understand more, empathize more, so they can deal with the things they can change.



Men behave like little boys in relationships when they clearly use opportunities to be anywhere but home. Hanging out with the home boys, playing video games, strip clubbing, clubbing, all these thing are play time activities and many men carry these activities with them into the marriage. They just don't fit. These things have to become back burner activities when you marry.



Ways Women Let Their Men Off the Hook

1. We feel we are the only ones who understand how to take care of children.
This is a real tragedy. So many women buy into the gender role BS until they actuallybelieve they are the only sex that can raise children effectively.

2. We think we are the only ones who should decorate the house.
This may sound silly to you, but women who completely dominate the decor of a house is setting herself up for failure. Your mate should be included in every aspect of maintaining the home.

3. Not telling him what we need.
So many women let men off the hook when they expect him to read their minds. When the man does not respond how they think he should, they form resentments and hold grudges, which turns him off and most often to another.

4. Keeping quiet when you know he is doing wrong.
Overlooking wrongs, hurts, slights, disrespect is something many women do. Not because they love unconditionally, but because they usually don't know themselves enough to stand up for themselves in the proper way. Speak up!

5. Sharing information with family and friends.
Men use this to go to other people and complain about you not coming to him. Not being open with your spouse will lead to disaster, one way or the other.

Our egos are often our worse enemies. President is correct when he says men need to grow up and when need to hold them accountable for their growth.