"The grandest quality of a true achiever is not natural talent or acquired skil, but persistence--the will to keep going when the way grows hard. The true achiever never give up when difficulty comes. He fights off the discouragement of defeat. Persistence is the most important quality of the consistent winner."
If you want to win at something, do not give up. This is the only reason my husband and I are still married. We want to win at this marriage thing. Neither one of us want divorce as a part of our legacy. We would rather fight than switch and because of that our bond has grown deeper and stronger with every storm that hits us.
The other day my husband laid on top of me and said, "How does it feel to be a failure?" With a puzzled look on my face I asked, "What are you talking about?" "You've been unsuccessful at trying to get rid of me for over 25 years. I'd say you are a big failure." We laughed and gut laugh and enjoyed each others company.
We are winning because we are making the choice. Not because we have some magic going on, or we know some secret method. We are in the trenches, fighting to good fight everyday. That's how you do it. hold on for the good.
Showing posts with label wedlock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedlock. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Shaved
One of the ways I knew my husband was the man for me is that he had a beard when I met him and it didn't turn me off immediately. I was able to look past it.
The other day he shaved all the hair off his face. He has only done it one of other time in the 25 years I've known him. I love his face that way and when he looked at me I felt a warm throb in my chest area. It was an amazing feeling. I felt like I wanted to be close to him. It turned me on.
Needless to say, the fire has not died for us. We are very lucky considering our past. I know there are people out there somewhere who are sure one of us has killed the other. But that is not the case. We are still giving what we can to each other and making the best out of what we have managed to savage of our relationship throughout our journey together.
I am proud of us. I really am.
The other day he shaved all the hair off his face. He has only done it one of other time in the 25 years I've known him. I love his face that way and when he looked at me I felt a warm throb in my chest area. It was an amazing feeling. I felt like I wanted to be close to him. It turned me on.
Needless to say, the fire has not died for us. We are very lucky considering our past. I know there are people out there somewhere who are sure one of us has killed the other. But that is not the case. We are still giving what we can to each other and making the best out of what we have managed to savage of our relationship throughout our journey together.
I am proud of us. I really am.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Rather Fight than Switch
When I was a kid over 35 years ago, there was a cigarette commercial that feature two cowboys preparing to have a dual in the middle of the street. One was trying to get the other to change his brand of smokes. The other guy proudly stated, "I'd rather fight than switch."
This is the stand we have to take with our marriages. It is so easy to want to give up when things are not like we want them to be, but I am here to tell you that there is no greater victory than that which comes from sticking to your guns and doing the right thing, for the right things sake.
Not many people get married thinking they are going to divorce. Yet, so many marriages end in divorce you would think it was planned from the beginning. What happens is when things hit the marriage, we blame the marriage, when in fact it is normally our inability to deal with our own issues that causes us to lose what we claim to cherish the most.
No matter what, most times if you are married and your marriage fails you are part of the problem. Yes, sometimes one spouse may be more of the problem, but it becomes your problem if you don't recognize it is their personal issue and you try to fix it. We must learn how to be supportive of each other and not try to be their parent, therapist, advisor, etc.
There is a belief held by some people who really believe they are supposed to be everything to their partners, but this is ridiculous. So many marriages fall apart because one or both parties think they know what is best for the other.
We should be on a voyage of discovery in our marriages. We should come into them with wide eyes and truly hopeful thoughts. We should not have high expectations for anyone but ourselves and plan to live up to the vows we couldn't wait to take.
Be honest, be open, keep it real.
This is the stand we have to take with our marriages. It is so easy to want to give up when things are not like we want them to be, but I am here to tell you that there is no greater victory than that which comes from sticking to your guns and doing the right thing, for the right things sake.
Not many people get married thinking they are going to divorce. Yet, so many marriages end in divorce you would think it was planned from the beginning. What happens is when things hit the marriage, we blame the marriage, when in fact it is normally our inability to deal with our own issues that causes us to lose what we claim to cherish the most.
No matter what, most times if you are married and your marriage fails you are part of the problem. Yes, sometimes one spouse may be more of the problem, but it becomes your problem if you don't recognize it is their personal issue and you try to fix it. We must learn how to be supportive of each other and not try to be their parent, therapist, advisor, etc.
There is a belief held by some people who really believe they are supposed to be everything to their partners, but this is ridiculous. So many marriages fall apart because one or both parties think they know what is best for the other.
We should be on a voyage of discovery in our marriages. We should come into them with wide eyes and truly hopeful thoughts. We should not have high expectations for anyone but ourselves and plan to live up to the vows we couldn't wait to take.
Be honest, be open, keep it real.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
What if?
Today I remembered something I had forgot. I remembered one day back in 1993, I needed to make a copy of my marriage licence. As I was leaving the copier, I was reading it. When I got down to the bottom, I saw the judge had put 1988, instead of 1989, which was the actual year we were married.
I remembered the rush of excitement that came with the thought that I might not be married to the man I married. In 1993, things were so rough for us, I was in such a dark place, I was ready to walk. The woman who paid for and hosted my wedding told me it was still legal and binding, and I took her word. I never questioned it again, until I mention my remembrance to my husband this morning.
He said, "What if all this has been unnecessary?"
I challenged his response by reminding him that we were only speaking of the "legal" aspect of marriage. I asked, "Why will it have been unnecessary?"
"Well, it would mean I didn't have to put up with you all these years. We would have been married under false pretenses. It will be worse for you. I didn't have to change my name."
I am so proud of myself. I didn't get angry at the fact he was already thinking about the next step. As I pressed him to explain, he continued by telling me if we are not legally married, it is going affect me more than it will him.
He was digging himself in deeper and deeper, but he was saying things I think the average person would say because of the way society views marriage.
For me, the legal aspect only comes into play when he tries to run, or if I catch his wandering eye. I remind him of his legal obligation, first. I have not been held to my marriage because I said 'I do," in front of a judge. I have stayed because I truly believe I am supposed to be with the man I am with, I vowed I would and I meant it. Plain and simple. That is enough for me.
It will be the same with someone else should something happen to this marriage. I probably would not legally marry again, but I would commit to another man. I never needed the confinement of the legal document, but I was so right to recognize, my husband did.
I could tell my husband was fully connected in this conversation about the fact we my not be legally married. I saw the anticipation and of the true possibility he has been as free as he has acted all these years. I should have said, "What difference does it make to you? You have never acted like you've been legally married the entire marriage," but I didn't. I didn't even think it. Wow! That is a great feeling. I have really let go.
So, you may have wondered what I'll do if I find out I am not legally married to the man I legally married? I do not have an answer. I am as intrigued as the rest of you.
Peace
I remembered the rush of excitement that came with the thought that I might not be married to the man I married. In 1993, things were so rough for us, I was in such a dark place, I was ready to walk. The woman who paid for and hosted my wedding told me it was still legal and binding, and I took her word. I never questioned it again, until I mention my remembrance to my husband this morning.
He said, "What if all this has been unnecessary?"
I challenged his response by reminding him that we were only speaking of the "legal" aspect of marriage. I asked, "Why will it have been unnecessary?"
"Well, it would mean I didn't have to put up with you all these years. We would have been married under false pretenses. It will be worse for you. I didn't have to change my name."
I am so proud of myself. I didn't get angry at the fact he was already thinking about the next step. As I pressed him to explain, he continued by telling me if we are not legally married, it is going affect me more than it will him.
He was digging himself in deeper and deeper, but he was saying things I think the average person would say because of the way society views marriage.
For me, the legal aspect only comes into play when he tries to run, or if I catch his wandering eye. I remind him of his legal obligation, first. I have not been held to my marriage because I said 'I do," in front of a judge. I have stayed because I truly believe I am supposed to be with the man I am with, I vowed I would and I meant it. Plain and simple. That is enough for me.
It will be the same with someone else should something happen to this marriage. I probably would not legally marry again, but I would commit to another man. I never needed the confinement of the legal document, but I was so right to recognize, my husband did.
I could tell my husband was fully connected in this conversation about the fact we my not be legally married. I saw the anticipation and of the true possibility he has been as free as he has acted all these years. I should have said, "What difference does it make to you? You have never acted like you've been legally married the entire marriage," but I didn't. I didn't even think it. Wow! That is a great feeling. I have really let go.
So, you may have wondered what I'll do if I find out I am not legally married to the man I legally married? I do not have an answer. I am as intrigued as the rest of you.
Peace
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