I make no apologies for who I am. Just as it has others, life has shaped me. Unfortunately, some of the brightest people still have problems letting others be who they are. They bring to conversations their preconceived ideas about what should and should not happen at even given moment. When others do not fit into their idea of what should be, they immediately have a problem with the person.
This happens to me a lot. Because I fear no man. Because I know, that I know , that I know. I do not respond they way others feel I should and I have to be subjected to them telling me how I should have responded to this, that, or the other.
No one has the right to dictate what comes out of another person's mouth. If you don't like what is said, that is one thing, but to actually tell a person what they could have said, or should have said is out of line and disrespectful in itself. I take people at face value and if I find I cannot handle what they are putting down, then I put them down.
I don't make it a habit of allowing myself to be dictated to and that is a good thing. I'd really be crazy if I listened to all the people who want to tell me how to express myself, what to wear, how to walk into a room. I mean really, who has the time to worry about what others think?
We are living in a marvelous time that will go down in history as one of the most unusual decades for destruction and growth. Our economy is taking its beatings and we are having to rely more on less and deal with it. What will you contribute to this marvelous time in history? What will you learn about yourself? How will you adapt to the New World Order? It is time we all learn to do our own thing and leave other people's alone.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Personal Responsibility
The biggest disappointment of my adult life has been to get here and find so many "supposed to be adult" people are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions.
Wake up! Hold yourself accountable that way no one else will have to.
Wake up! Hold yourself accountable that way no one else will have to.
Good Mother
I have been a mother since I was 17 years old. My oldest is 30. Every few months I ask my kids what they think I can do to be a better mother. For years each of them would mention my anger and yelling. I have a list of ten questions and as the years progressed, they only mentioned my level of anger and frustration.
I knew I had an issue with anger and I did my best to deal with the issues that was causing them. Yesterday, my 19 year-old son came told me that I seem a lot happier. He said, "You seem happy. You don't get a near as mad as you used to. I remember how you would always ask what you could change and you actually did it."
I said, "Son, what kids don't realize is most parents still have a lot of growing to do. We grow up with our kids. I'm the type of parent who chose to enlist help from you guys so I could work on what was keeping me from having a closer relationship with each of you. Each time I went down my checklist, all of you focused on the same area, so I did my best to make the necessary changes."
I think my willingness to respect my children makes me a good mother.
I knew I had an issue with anger and I did my best to deal with the issues that was causing them. Yesterday, my 19 year-old son came told me that I seem a lot happier. He said, "You seem happy. You don't get a near as mad as you used to. I remember how you would always ask what you could change and you actually did it."
I said, "Son, what kids don't realize is most parents still have a lot of growing to do. We grow up with our kids. I'm the type of parent who chose to enlist help from you guys so I could work on what was keeping me from having a closer relationship with each of you. Each time I went down my checklist, all of you focused on the same area, so I did my best to make the necessary changes."
I think my willingness to respect my children makes me a good mother.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Doing Good
I know I've written about how doing going does not always turn out good. When this happens in a marriage, it is even more devastating. Everyday I am faced with the fact I put forth effort and failed.
I did more than try to change I actually did and although the changes I have made will benefit me the rest of my life, it still does not take away the pain of knowing I will never have a husband in the man I married.
Today I said to him, "Well at least we have a lot of good memories." He said, "Yeah, I have a lot of them." We both put forth effort, it just isn't meant to be the type of marriage we had hoped. We are too different, not enough in common, and marginally compatible, but we managed to stay together for over 25 years. Ours is a true testament to the fact that people can learn to get along with each other successfully, no matter how different they are.
Still, having to change the way I view our relationship is sad to me. I can no longer lean on hope to get me through these last years. I have to face the reality each day that my husband has not grown enough, is not secure enough to be the man he could be if he only had worked harder.
One of the key life lessons I needed to learn was compassion. I learned, but it didn't help the marriage. Doing good does not always turn out good.
I did more than try to change I actually did and although the changes I have made will benefit me the rest of my life, it still does not take away the pain of knowing I will never have a husband in the man I married.
Today I said to him, "Well at least we have a lot of good memories." He said, "Yeah, I have a lot of them." We both put forth effort, it just isn't meant to be the type of marriage we had hoped. We are too different, not enough in common, and marginally compatible, but we managed to stay together for over 25 years. Ours is a true testament to the fact that people can learn to get along with each other successfully, no matter how different they are.
Still, having to change the way I view our relationship is sad to me. I can no longer lean on hope to get me through these last years. I have to face the reality each day that my husband has not grown enough, is not secure enough to be the man he could be if he only had worked harder.
One of the key life lessons I needed to learn was compassion. I learned, but it didn't help the marriage. Doing good does not always turn out good.
Monday, May 3, 2010
TMI
Many people ask me why I share so much personal information. I simply explain it is my calling to let others know they are not alone. So many people feel isolated when troubles beset them. They fail to realize there are many others experiencing the same things are worse.
When it comes to married life, I feel a deep urgency to share what I have learned with others in hopes they will find something worthy and useable within what I share.
I live in the present, so even five minutes ago is the past to me. If I survive it, I feel I should share it. That is one of the main reasons I work with teenaged girls.
When it comes to married life, I feel a deep urgency to share what I have learned with others in hopes they will find something worthy and useable within what I share.
I live in the present, so even five minutes ago is the past to me. If I survive it, I feel I should share it. That is one of the main reasons I work with teenaged girls.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Resentment
I have mentioned my books Get Out of the Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage several times. What I have not talked about is how I came to the decision to get out of the way.
Back in 1997, I made a decision that rendered my husband homeless. We had just moved to a new city and neither one of us knew anyone. He returned to his hometown, then 18 months, after doing much soul searching and ultimately realizing and accepting I was wrong, he returned home.
Little did I know he had done some thinking also and made a vow to himself that he'd never be put out without somewhere to go. Thus, he developed a relationship with another woman, or so he claims this is the only reason she is still in his life six years later.
Whether this is the real reason for the other woman or not, what stands out to me is even though I did all I could do to make him know I was wrong and that I wanted to make it right, the resentment had set in back in 1997, and all my efforts were for naught, when it came to savaging our personal relationship.
He has been trying to make me pay for my wrongs of the past. The very wrongs I have been working to rectify. When I found out for sure that my efforts were for nothing, I was crushed. It made me feel like a fool initially. I guess all human beings have to go through that, but I quickly turned it around and looked at the outcome as I do every other outcome, it is what it is. I did what I thought was right. No, what I know was right. I tried to savage the marriage I helped to destroy, and it did not work out like I had hoped.
His resentment served as a shield that kept him from accepting the changes I had made. He didn't accept my tearful apologies, my efforts to help him feel secure with me, or my humble attempts to honor his place as head of the household. Resentment robbed me of the opportunity to find a husband in the man I married.
Resentment in a marriage has the same effects that roaches and termites can have on a house. Once they are in you can almost never get them out. Consistent treatment and attention to the infestation is the only way to get on top of them.
Resentment in a marriage is even harder to get rid of. My husband isn't aware of how angry with and resentful of me he is. He has created a situation that has caused the one thing he was trying to keep from happening, happen. This is what we do to ourselves when we seek to blame others for how our lives turn out. Had he been the husband he should have been I would not have made the decision I made. He doesn't look at it that way because he can only be a victim.
Well, I am not a victim. I am a conqueror. I wouldn't trade my life to save my life. I love the choices I've made because each of them have brought me closer to the greatest love of all. Loving myself.
Back in 1997, I made a decision that rendered my husband homeless. We had just moved to a new city and neither one of us knew anyone. He returned to his hometown, then 18 months, after doing much soul searching and ultimately realizing and accepting I was wrong, he returned home.
Little did I know he had done some thinking also and made a vow to himself that he'd never be put out without somewhere to go. Thus, he developed a relationship with another woman, or so he claims this is the only reason she is still in his life six years later.
Whether this is the real reason for the other woman or not, what stands out to me is even though I did all I could do to make him know I was wrong and that I wanted to make it right, the resentment had set in back in 1997, and all my efforts were for naught, when it came to savaging our personal relationship.
He has been trying to make me pay for my wrongs of the past. The very wrongs I have been working to rectify. When I found out for sure that my efforts were for nothing, I was crushed. It made me feel like a fool initially. I guess all human beings have to go through that, but I quickly turned it around and looked at the outcome as I do every other outcome, it is what it is. I did what I thought was right. No, what I know was right. I tried to savage the marriage I helped to destroy, and it did not work out like I had hoped.
His resentment served as a shield that kept him from accepting the changes I had made. He didn't accept my tearful apologies, my efforts to help him feel secure with me, or my humble attempts to honor his place as head of the household. Resentment robbed me of the opportunity to find a husband in the man I married.
Resentment in a marriage has the same effects that roaches and termites can have on a house. Once they are in you can almost never get them out. Consistent treatment and attention to the infestation is the only way to get on top of them.
Resentment in a marriage is even harder to get rid of. My husband isn't aware of how angry with and resentful of me he is. He has created a situation that has caused the one thing he was trying to keep from happening, happen. This is what we do to ourselves when we seek to blame others for how our lives turn out. Had he been the husband he should have been I would not have made the decision I made. He doesn't look at it that way because he can only be a victim.
Well, I am not a victim. I am a conqueror. I wouldn't trade my life to save my life. I love the choices I've made because each of them have brought me closer to the greatest love of all. Loving myself.
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