Since my marriage is no longer active, I have noticed a trend in my thinking. I miss the functions of a family unit. Being married for 27 years and taking care of my family meant a lot to me. Even though I have accepted my estranged husband and I are not suited to live together as man and wife, I miss the sense of belonging that one gets when the family unit is in tact.
My kids and I are happier in many ways, but there is still something missing for me. I know it is not him. All I have to do is be in his presence and I know it is not him. It is about being a family with all it members. My daughter told me just the other day how glad she was that I maintained the family unit as long as I did because it allowed her to really get to know her father on her own.
I must admit it is a beautiful thing not to have to talk about him, or explain who he was or even think about how the kids are feeling about him not being around. Because they know what they are and are not missing; I get the opportunity to just be mom. I do not feel like I am both parents even though I am the primary caretaker. They each have their own relationship with him that was developed over years. It is a beautiful thing.
They don't even care why we are no longer together. My 16 year still doesn't know. All I told her was he wasn't coming back and that it had nothing to do with her. That was over a year ago and she has not questioned me at all.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to do your best to take care of your children. It really does pay off in the end.