A person who does not know how to love and cannot accept love that is given to them is most often driven to self-destruction, because they respond to no other's needs, but their own. There is never a true way to know how far a person will go with this behavior. It is frustrating to know that so many display it within the union of marriage.
The nature of self is designed for preservation. When our basic needs are not met at the appropriate age and time, there is a great possibility we may become anti-social, a sociopath, or psychotic; it just truly deepens on what lies at the base of the soul. Once again, we must examine the nature of intention.
Are you for real, for real? Are or you a carbon copy of the model you saw in a book,? Or a brother you saw on a bike? Are you allowing others to re-dictate your destiny that has already been laid out for you? What is going on at that base of your soul?
I tell you what. We all need to do some deep fishing of our souls and see what we need to catch that is swimming around at that base of us poisoning our ability to honestly share who we are authentically, in a positive way.
My estranged husband has been a wonderful blessing to my life in an absolutely horrible way. I thank my greatest support, The Creator of ALL, for giving me strength, the knowledge, the PATIENCE, the sense of humor, the willingness and capability to ride the rough rail.
When I tell you it was horrible at times, I mean still to this day, but I am free of the bongdage of my mind. Free from the belief that I somehow was obligated to "make him see him."
Oh, dear friend, I paid my dues and now, today? I get to be the woman God intended me to be because I did not abandoned the duty. I stayed on post, still on post, but from the bird's eye view. I get to watch over the empire of love I have built here in my little house. I get to see my son develop into a man of personal integrity and character. My daughter has come to recognize the "truth about dad."
I have not to say a word. Just remain for real, for real.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Black History and How It Effects Blacks Today
I am beginning early writing about Black History. My main focus is how our American History as black people effects the modern family. Look forward to profound posts dealing with topics like: Why Black Men Hate Their Mothers, Why Black Men and Women Hate Each Other, Why Black Folk Cannot Live Like White Folk. Many of these posts will deal with historical facts to explain some of the present day dysfunctions that are holding our black families hostage.
It is my desire to awaken the deadened self-love we have as human beings. I strongly believe a lot of our current problems derive from the plantations mentalities still harbored by both whites and blacks.
Peace
It is my desire to awaken the deadened self-love we have as human beings. I strongly believe a lot of our current problems derive from the plantations mentalities still harbored by both whites and blacks.
Peace
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Doing A Lot of Thinking
Since my marriage is no longer active, I have noticed a trend in my thinking. I miss the functions of a family unit. Being married for 27 years and taking care of my family meant a lot to me. Even though I have accepted my estranged husband and I are not suited to live together as man and wife, I miss the sense of belonging that one gets when the family unit is in tact.
My kids and I are happier in many ways, but there is still something missing for me. I know it is not him. All I have to do is be in his presence and I know it is not him. It is about being a family with all it members. My daughter told me just the other day how glad she was that I maintained the family unit as long as I did because it allowed her to really get to know her father on her own.
I must admit it is a beautiful thing not to have to talk about him, or explain who he was or even think about how the kids are feeling about him not being around. Because they know what they are and are not missing; I get the opportunity to just be mom. I do not feel like I am both parents even though I am the primary caretaker. They each have their own relationship with him that was developed over years. It is a beautiful thing.
They don't even care why we are no longer together. My 16 year still doesn't know. All I told her was he wasn't coming back and that it had nothing to do with her. That was over a year ago and she has not questioned me at all.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to do your best to take care of your children. It really does pay off in the end.
My kids and I are happier in many ways, but there is still something missing for me. I know it is not him. All I have to do is be in his presence and I know it is not him. It is about being a family with all it members. My daughter told me just the other day how glad she was that I maintained the family unit as long as I did because it allowed her to really get to know her father on her own.
I must admit it is a beautiful thing not to have to talk about him, or explain who he was or even think about how the kids are feeling about him not being around. Because they know what they are and are not missing; I get the opportunity to just be mom. I do not feel like I am both parents even though I am the primary caretaker. They each have their own relationship with him that was developed over years. It is a beautiful thing.
They don't even care why we are no longer together. My 16 year still doesn't know. All I told her was he wasn't coming back and that it had nothing to do with her. That was over a year ago and she has not questioned me at all.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to do your best to take care of your children. It really does pay off in the end.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
It Is What It Is
My family is by no means perfect. We have weathered some pretty horrific storms. Yet, my children report as being "happy." I am so glad for them because they know my belief about happiness and how it is obtained. I apporeciate the effort they have put into their lives that allows them to view themselves as, "happy."
My only Sonny turned 21 years old on the 19th of April. I look at him and marvel at the growth process and how boys grow into men. He is fortunate to have a mother who fully understod her role as mother and knew she would only be able to be an example of the female perspective.
My husband was a great role model for maleness good or bad, right or wrong. His early influence benefitted my son greatly, more than my son can appreciate at this age. As he grows into his manhood, he will begin to understand more clearly the benefit of the effort his father put into his life.
One of the greatest thing we did for our children is to have high expectations of them. We've made them feel they can do most anything they truly put their minds to. Of course they have chosen their paths, or so they believe.
My 15 year old daughter wants so badly to be an underachiever. She lacked a will to thrive when she was born. They had to literally beat her chest to make her breathe when she was born. I didn't know they could hit a baby so hard and it could still live, but she did. She wasn't ready to come out. She wants so desperately to "hate" her dad. She needs someone to blame when she doesn't want to do what she should, or needs to be doing. He always pushes her and tries to get her to appreciate her gifts.
Our family is what it is. We really couldn't ask for too much more. Our kids are basically healthy, good citizens, and hardworkers. They continue to need our guidance, but also strive for independance which is such a blessing.
My only Sonny turned 21 years old on the 19th of April. I look at him and marvel at the growth process and how boys grow into men. He is fortunate to have a mother who fully understod her role as mother and knew she would only be able to be an example of the female perspective.
My husband was a great role model for maleness good or bad, right or wrong. His early influence benefitted my son greatly, more than my son can appreciate at this age. As he grows into his manhood, he will begin to understand more clearly the benefit of the effort his father put into his life.
One of the greatest thing we did for our children is to have high expectations of them. We've made them feel they can do most anything they truly put their minds to. Of course they have chosen their paths, or so they believe.
My 15 year old daughter wants so badly to be an underachiever. She lacked a will to thrive when she was born. They had to literally beat her chest to make her breathe when she was born. I didn't know they could hit a baby so hard and it could still live, but she did. She wasn't ready to come out. She wants so desperately to "hate" her dad. She needs someone to blame when she doesn't want to do what she should, or needs to be doing. He always pushes her and tries to get her to appreciate her gifts.
Our family is what it is. We really couldn't ask for too much more. Our kids are basically healthy, good citizens, and hardworkers. They continue to need our guidance, but also strive for independance which is such a blessing.
Friday, March 30, 2012
How Sharazad Ali Saved My Marriage
I was once again blessed and favored to have read, understood and participate in media appearances supporting the book, "The Black man's Guide to Understanding the Black woman."
This book saved my marriage from the beginning. I was greatly convicted by many of the pages in the book because either I saw myself, or someone I knew. I couldn't lie to myself and refused to even try. She was on point, on too many points not to be credible. She is 100% right when she says she the black woman has gotten a pass in this country. We have been made to think we can do bad all by ourselves and it sounds good, but our bad is the worse it can be as evidence by the quality of children we have turned out.
My marriage was not at all ideal, but it was real. We both thought we were right, especially in how we conducted ourselves in front of our children. Her books helped me to work on running my mouth, sitting on my fat ass worrying about what he was doing and who he was with; when I should have been up cleaning my house, cooking a decent meal, helping my daughter with her homework, or being the writer I claimed to be.
Her books put a stop to the mothering and coddling I was well on my way into. They helped me to continue to look for the good in him, to have compassion for him, to love him on a more deeper level. Her books made know I was right when I believed that the black woman is not supportive and understanding enough when it comes to the black man. We don't give him enough space to be him. We insist he changes while we try to act like our shit don't stink, but it does and our children, the ones we are rearing while we are doing bad all by ourselves.
I left all that behind and took every moment of my union to my husband to be aware of what we were going through and accept it is what we were creating for the glory of God. I knew my marriage was a covenant and her books helped me keep it that way.
It was Ms. Ali, not my mother who showed me what a real black woman looks like. My mother and father were married until he died. She never had an ounce of respect for him and did allow us to because she talked badly about him to us. The majority of our contact was with her, so of course she was God to us. As I began to formulate my beliefs about relationships they grew further and further from how I was reared. I knew something was sick about the way they lived. Thank God for the gift of discernment.
When I read Ms. Ali's books, the Warrior Wife in me was born and I made immediate alterations in my way of thinking. It was hard to watch my husband fumble with diapers, and make messes, and put on backwards, etc. I only knew because I was a mother at 17. He was running the streets. Her books helped me let him learn on his own. He deserved to have an authentic relationship with my son, just as I did.
I will not lie, my soul is full right now. I thank God I listened and learned. Now that my family is in distress, we all are handling it well because we have always been thoughtful of our children and did not unnecessarily burden them with our relationship and we learned early to put our relationship first. My kids know their parent love each other. The one thing they hate the most is they could never get us to go against each other when it came to them. If one said no, whether the other agreed or not, the other stood by them.
Thank you Sharazad Ali, but unfortunately 25 years later, black woman are worse than they were when you wrote the book in 1989. God help us!
This book saved my marriage from the beginning. I was greatly convicted by many of the pages in the book because either I saw myself, or someone I knew. I couldn't lie to myself and refused to even try. She was on point, on too many points not to be credible. She is 100% right when she says she the black woman has gotten a pass in this country. We have been made to think we can do bad all by ourselves and it sounds good, but our bad is the worse it can be as evidence by the quality of children we have turned out.
My marriage was not at all ideal, but it was real. We both thought we were right, especially in how we conducted ourselves in front of our children. Her books helped me to work on running my mouth, sitting on my fat ass worrying about what he was doing and who he was with; when I should have been up cleaning my house, cooking a decent meal, helping my daughter with her homework, or being the writer I claimed to be.
Her books put a stop to the mothering and coddling I was well on my way into. They helped me to continue to look for the good in him, to have compassion for him, to love him on a more deeper level. Her books made know I was right when I believed that the black woman is not supportive and understanding enough when it comes to the black man. We don't give him enough space to be him. We insist he changes while we try to act like our shit don't stink, but it does and our children, the ones we are rearing while we are doing bad all by ourselves.
I left all that behind and took every moment of my union to my husband to be aware of what we were going through and accept it is what we were creating for the glory of God. I knew my marriage was a covenant and her books helped me keep it that way.
It was Ms. Ali, not my mother who showed me what a real black woman looks like. My mother and father were married until he died. She never had an ounce of respect for him and did allow us to because she talked badly about him to us. The majority of our contact was with her, so of course she was God to us. As I began to formulate my beliefs about relationships they grew further and further from how I was reared. I knew something was sick about the way they lived. Thank God for the gift of discernment.
When I read Ms. Ali's books, the Warrior Wife in me was born and I made immediate alterations in my way of thinking. It was hard to watch my husband fumble with diapers, and make messes, and put on backwards, etc. I only knew because I was a mother at 17. He was running the streets. Her books helped me let him learn on his own. He deserved to have an authentic relationship with my son, just as I did.
I will not lie, my soul is full right now. I thank God I listened and learned. Now that my family is in distress, we all are handling it well because we have always been thoughtful of our children and did not unnecessarily burden them with our relationship and we learned early to put our relationship first. My kids know their parent love each other. The one thing they hate the most is they could never get us to go against each other when it came to them. If one said no, whether the other agreed or not, the other stood by them.
Thank you Sharazad Ali, but unfortunately 25 years later, black woman are worse than they were when you wrote the book in 1989. God help us!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Why You Should Be Glad You Cannot Control Others
"The only thing you can take charge of is the space within the skin of your own body. That's it. Everything (and, especially, everyone) else does not belong to that of which you can take charge. Considering the vastness of the Universe, "the space within the skin of your own body' doesn't sound like much. But consider what's contained in there: your mind, your body, your emotions, and whatever sense of You you've got. That, to paraphrase Sir Thomas More, is not a bad public."
When we are trying to control others, we are missing out on another opportunity to get know ourselves. You should glad you have only you to control, but most of are not. We are too afraid to deal with who we really are, so we hide behind controlling others. If you are a true control freak, you probably run into a lot of resistance and this is just as it should be. Everyone comes here with what they need to do what is necessary for them. As parents, the most we can truly do is guide our children, yet we spend years keeping them dependent on us, then resenting them when they want their own lives.
Be glad you cannot control other people that gives you more time to do you. Get a life. Leave other people's business alone. Stop thinking you know everything, or that you are right all the time. What other people eat don't make you fat and that is how it should be. Live your own life, please!
When we are trying to control others, we are missing out on another opportunity to get know ourselves. You should glad you have only you to control, but most of are not. We are too afraid to deal with who we really are, so we hide behind controlling others. If you are a true control freak, you probably run into a lot of resistance and this is just as it should be. Everyone comes here with what they need to do what is necessary for them. As parents, the most we can truly do is guide our children, yet we spend years keeping them dependent on us, then resenting them when they want their own lives.
Be glad you cannot control other people that gives you more time to do you. Get a life. Leave other people's business alone. Stop thinking you know everything, or that you are right all the time. What other people eat don't make you fat and that is how it should be. Live your own life, please!
Harder and Harder
I have not allowed myself to be in my husband's presence. I really don't want to on a personal level, but as a person who cares deeply about people; it is getting harder and harder for me to stay away.
He had surgery again the past Saturday. He had a bad infection that would have required his entire leg and thigh to be removed had not the surgery gone well. Just the thought of that happening made me sick. He was such a vibrant alive person and now all he does is feel sorry for himself.
I cannot handle that. I am a strong person, especially when it comes to my health. I could not imagine being in his position, but I would want to believe my reaction to being in that position would be different.
My children are doing their best. My son can barely handle it all, but he does because he doesn't want me to get involved. No one wants him back at the house. The peace level since he has been gone is nothing but amazing. The devil sure can keep up a lot of mess.
Still, we all want the best for him, but dealing with him just keeps getting harder and harder.
He had surgery again the past Saturday. He had a bad infection that would have required his entire leg and thigh to be removed had not the surgery gone well. Just the thought of that happening made me sick. He was such a vibrant alive person and now all he does is feel sorry for himself.
I cannot handle that. I am a strong person, especially when it comes to my health. I could not imagine being in his position, but I would want to believe my reaction to being in that position would be different.
My children are doing their best. My son can barely handle it all, but he does because he doesn't want me to get involved. No one wants him back at the house. The peace level since he has been gone is nothing but amazing. The devil sure can keep up a lot of mess.
Still, we all want the best for him, but dealing with him just keeps getting harder and harder.
Friday, December 9, 2011
How I Have Stayed Young at Heart
I work with teen aged girls everyday. From the ages 12-18, I get to see what this age group thinks is hip, cool, sweet, dope, the shit, bad, bling, flossin, swaging; I am pretty up to date. I have a 31 year old daughter who is intelligent and socially conscious, who also feels it important to use me as a friend, something I have always discouraged. It just sort of happened and I have had to accept it.
I have a 20 year old son who is working daily, but pretty much stays to himself. He has the same friends he had since junior high and spends time with them. I get to hear what he's listening to, right before I take it out of my CD. We do not talk much, but when we do our conversations are always lengthy and edifying. We spend a lot of our time praising each other. He thinks I am the greatest mother and lately it seems he is getting to know me for the first time. He is maturing and more accepting of me as a woman and not just his mother, but he also is mesmerized by how I know exactly what he wants when it comes to certain things. He has my name tattooed on his forearm. When I saw how huge it was, I was honored and uncomfortable at the same time. On one hand the tattoo validated he understood just how permanently I love him, but it also represent to me, a fanatical quality. I will always be his mother. We share blood. The tattoo seemed overkill to me.
My fifteen year is very assimilated. This drives me crazy that I am raising a beautiful black girl who identifies with white women on the level she does. Her sensibilities are more that of a white girl and boy does she struggle to accept that beautiful nappy hair of hers. Still she is the kindest, most diplomatic person I know. She is intelligent, well read, capable and giving. She is still very infatuated with me to a great degree, yet she is beginning to notice I'm not perfect, but unlike her sister and brother before her, she does not judge me and call me a hypocrite. She actually feels I am doing the best I can. What a blessing. I would be in trouble if she thought she was missing something.
I stay young because I embrace youth and youthfulness. One month and 11 hours from being 50, I feel younger than I ever have. I am presently listening to the group Blackstreet while typing this blog. I enjoy music and dancing just as much or more than I did when I was young. I love to laugh and will until I cry. I am telling ya'll I freely allowed myself to live in the Holy Spirit, praising God constantly and doing my best to do what is right and good. I stopped taking myself so seriously and accepted myself for the beautiful black woman that I am and I have been happy every since. Peace
I have a 20 year old son who is working daily, but pretty much stays to himself. He has the same friends he had since junior high and spends time with them. I get to hear what he's listening to, right before I take it out of my CD. We do not talk much, but when we do our conversations are always lengthy and edifying. We spend a lot of our time praising each other. He thinks I am the greatest mother and lately it seems he is getting to know me for the first time. He is maturing and more accepting of me as a woman and not just his mother, but he also is mesmerized by how I know exactly what he wants when it comes to certain things. He has my name tattooed on his forearm. When I saw how huge it was, I was honored and uncomfortable at the same time. On one hand the tattoo validated he understood just how permanently I love him, but it also represent to me, a fanatical quality. I will always be his mother. We share blood. The tattoo seemed overkill to me.
My fifteen year is very assimilated. This drives me crazy that I am raising a beautiful black girl who identifies with white women on the level she does. Her sensibilities are more that of a white girl and boy does she struggle to accept that beautiful nappy hair of hers. Still she is the kindest, most diplomatic person I know. She is intelligent, well read, capable and giving. She is still very infatuated with me to a great degree, yet she is beginning to notice I'm not perfect, but unlike her sister and brother before her, she does not judge me and call me a hypocrite. She actually feels I am doing the best I can. What a blessing. I would be in trouble if she thought she was missing something.
I stay young because I embrace youth and youthfulness. One month and 11 hours from being 50, I feel younger than I ever have. I am presently listening to the group Blackstreet while typing this blog. I enjoy music and dancing just as much or more than I did when I was young. I love to laugh and will until I cry. I am telling ya'll I freely allowed myself to live in the Holy Spirit, praising God constantly and doing my best to do what is right and good. I stopped taking myself so seriously and accepted myself for the beautiful black woman that I am and I have been happy every since. Peace
Friday, November 18, 2011
Short Story
Short Story
There was a story about four people
named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody and Nobody
There was an important job to be done
and Everybody was sure that
Somebody would do it. Anybody could
have done it, but Nobody did it.
Now, when Somebody got angry about
that because it was Everybody's job,
Everybody thought Anybody could do
it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed
Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
We have got to wake up people. You can't just sit around and allow children to be hurt. People are witnessing incest, rape, negligence and straight up violence against children each and everyday and not say a word.
This Penn State thing is about all of us. Would you tell if you saw a child being molested? Think about it.
There was a story about four people
named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody and Nobody
There was an important job to be done
and Everybody was sure that
Somebody would do it. Anybody could
have done it, but Nobody did it.
Now, when Somebody got angry about
that because it was Everybody's job,
Everybody thought Anybody could do
it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed
Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
We have got to wake up people. You can't just sit around and allow children to be hurt. People are witnessing incest, rape, negligence and straight up violence against children each and everyday and not say a word.
This Penn State thing is about all of us. Would you tell if you saw a child being molested? Think about it.
Monday, November 14, 2011
My Girls
My girls have been the most difficult to raise. I can clearly say that since my son, now 20, is out of the raising queue.
My youngest is morbidly obese and finding high school a challenge. The walking is wearing her out and she is consistently trying to find reasons not to go to school. I know it is hard for her, but there is no other option. Should she not go to school, she wouldn't be going anywhere.
I stay on top of her and now that it is basically just me and her in the house, things have to get done and she is going to have to do them. Not going to school is not an option. She will be 16 years old next year and can drop out if she wants. God's knows that would kill me, but it is a real possibility.
I am afraid for her because she is completely addicted to food and is not as concerned about her weight as she should be.
My oldest dropped out at 16. She never like to go to school and as soon as she could stopped going. My youngest likes school, she just doesn't like moving. God help me!
My youngest is morbidly obese and finding high school a challenge. The walking is wearing her out and she is consistently trying to find reasons not to go to school. I know it is hard for her, but there is no other option. Should she not go to school, she wouldn't be going anywhere.
I stay on top of her and now that it is basically just me and her in the house, things have to get done and she is going to have to do them. Not going to school is not an option. She will be 16 years old next year and can drop out if she wants. God's knows that would kill me, but it is a real possibility.
I am afraid for her because she is completely addicted to food and is not as concerned about her weight as she should be.
My oldest dropped out at 16. She never like to go to school and as soon as she could stopped going. My youngest likes school, she just doesn't like moving. God help me!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A Year of Goodbyes
This year has took with it some very important people in my life. My husband and I parted and very well may never speak to each other again. My oldest daughter moved away and probably won't be back, except to visit. Then yesterday, our dog had to be put to sleep.
2011 has taught me to truly let go. My separation from my husband came as a shock. We were fine until the incident occurred. After it happened, it just didn't seem right to stay with him. Especially since he refuses to even try to be a better person. 26 years of sharing and giving is enough. It is time for me to find someone who appreciates me before I die.
I am also saying goodbye to gluttony. I have stopped overeating. I am so amazed at myself until I sit in disbelief sometimes. I can't even try to overeat anymore. My stomach has shrank so much. I prayed and worked hard to be able to leave my sinful ways behind. Thank God for the help and for me being willing to accept it.
I miss my husband terribly, but I know our being separate is for the best. Just because I want him doesn't mean I should have him. I got that now.
My daughter, it has been a long time coming her moving on to live her life. I wish her well and I hope she doesn't come back.
The dog? I have mixed emotions. She was old and could be a pain at times. I'm not really an animal person, but I will miss her presence.
Goodbye, good luck and God bless.
2011 has taught me to truly let go. My separation from my husband came as a shock. We were fine until the incident occurred. After it happened, it just didn't seem right to stay with him. Especially since he refuses to even try to be a better person. 26 years of sharing and giving is enough. It is time for me to find someone who appreciates me before I die.
I am also saying goodbye to gluttony. I have stopped overeating. I am so amazed at myself until I sit in disbelief sometimes. I can't even try to overeat anymore. My stomach has shrank so much. I prayed and worked hard to be able to leave my sinful ways behind. Thank God for the help and for me being willing to accept it.
I miss my husband terribly, but I know our being separate is for the best. Just because I want him doesn't mean I should have him. I got that now.
My daughter, it has been a long time coming her moving on to live her life. I wish her well and I hope she doesn't come back.
The dog? I have mixed emotions. She was old and could be a pain at times. I'm not really an animal person, but I will miss her presence.
Goodbye, good luck and God bless.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The True Challenge
This last child of mine is challenging me every day when it comes to going to school. She is super morbidly obese, and yes, that makes things harder for her, but not as hard as they'll be if she was to become bedridden.
I continue to pray for strength, knowing that I have had this challenge before and was able to come through it. She wants to have her way and do what she wants whether it is in her best interest or not. Teenagers!
The true challenge is to not lose my mind, while trying to help her to learn to use hers.
I continue to pray for strength, knowing that I have had this challenge before and was able to come through it. She wants to have her way and do what she wants whether it is in her best interest or not. Teenagers!
The true challenge is to not lose my mind, while trying to help her to learn to use hers.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday
I have lost two very important people within three months. They have left for very different reasons, but they are gone all the same. I am continuously reminded I can only change myself and that I must allow others to live their lives.
Still, I can't help but think about "What if?" I immediately go back to "What is!" That is the only way I can accept what is going on. One relationship is 31 years old and the other 26. Long-term relationships changing can cause one to have a lot of thoughts and I am no different. I know it is for the better that things are the way the are. On a daily basis I feel greater than I have in my life. So, I know God is happy with what is going on, but still, they were important and very close people to me, and now they are gone and most likely for good.
I will talk to them again, but I probably won't spend any true significant time with them as they are both heading for new lives that will not include me. It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Still, I can't help but think about "What if?" I immediately go back to "What is!" That is the only way I can accept what is going on. One relationship is 31 years old and the other 26. Long-term relationships changing can cause one to have a lot of thoughts and I am no different. I know it is for the better that things are the way the are. On a daily basis I feel greater than I have in my life. So, I know God is happy with what is going on, but still, they were important and very close people to me, and now they are gone and most likely for good.
I will talk to them again, but I probably won't spend any true significant time with them as they are both heading for new lives that will not include me. It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Friday, October 14, 2011
The Fastest Week of My Life
My 31 year old daughter is leaving to further her life's journey in Texas. Ironically, I feel so good about the move. I absolutely adore her, but it is time for her to let her pretty wings spread and fly. She is a wonderful young woman. There is no doubt in my mind that she will have a spectacular life. I know she is going to do her best to be the best person she can be.
My daughter is wonderfully giving and caring. This is what I will miss the most. She is my biggest fan. She gives me so much by doing so little. I have been so blessed to have been chosen to bring this great person to the earth. I gladly let her go. I would be wrong to hold on to such a great gem. The world is truly a better place because she has been in it.
I am in awe of her courage to move on and not look back. She has given away most of her possessions. Boy, what a wonderful gift to know for sure your child understands the bigger picture. She really is leaving with the clothes on her back. I am so grateful to God that I have been open and honest with her. Many times she has not liked my methods, but have come to appreciate the great effort I put into rearing her to become independent and a woman.
I wish her well and send with her all my love. You light up my life now go and shine on Texas.
My daughter is wonderfully giving and caring. This is what I will miss the most. She is my biggest fan. She gives me so much by doing so little. I have been so blessed to have been chosen to bring this great person to the earth. I gladly let her go. I would be wrong to hold on to such a great gem. The world is truly a better place because she has been in it.
I am in awe of her courage to move on and not look back. She has given away most of her possessions. Boy, what a wonderful gift to know for sure your child understands the bigger picture. She really is leaving with the clothes on her back. I am so grateful to God that I have been open and honest with her. Many times she has not liked my methods, but have come to appreciate the great effort I put into rearing her to become independent and a woman.
I wish her well and send with her all my love. You light up my life now go and shine on Texas.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
They Know They are Loved
Even though their father and I are not together, he is still very active in their lives. He wants them around and does what he can for them. They know they are loved.
One of the many reasons I have stayed in the relationship is because he genuinely cares about his children and has always been willing to really be involved in their lives. My heart if grateful for this.
My youngest doesn't need as much as he would like to give and that bothers him. He still wants her to be a little girl and she is becoming a young woman. I encourage her to accept his love on whatever level he is able to give it. No matter what he is her father.
Because our parenting styles are so different, the kids prefer my methods more because I am not an authoritarian. I talk to them and try to get them to do what is in their best interest. Whereas, my husband tends to be dictatorial and obsessive. They say he drives them crazy. For me the most important words are "drives them." There is value in his method because he is actually trying to get them to do what they need to do.
As long as they know they are loved, I am happy.
One of the many reasons I have stayed in the relationship is because he genuinely cares about his children and has always been willing to really be involved in their lives. My heart if grateful for this.
My youngest doesn't need as much as he would like to give and that bothers him. He still wants her to be a little girl and she is becoming a young woman. I encourage her to accept his love on whatever level he is able to give it. No matter what he is her father.
Because our parenting styles are so different, the kids prefer my methods more because I am not an authoritarian. I talk to them and try to get them to do what is in their best interest. Whereas, my husband tends to be dictatorial and obsessive. They say he drives them crazy. For me the most important words are "drives them." There is value in his method because he is actually trying to get them to do what they need to do.
As long as they know they are loved, I am happy.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Time to Grow Up
My 31 year old will be leaving soon. She is going on to a better way of life, whether she knows it or not. It will be better because it will be built on her own terms. She is going somewhere where she will have minimal support. She'll have to learn now to get around, where to shop, where to party, etc.
I am excited for her. I thought I'd freak out more if she was to leave because it is such a comfort having her here. But, I want her to go on with her life. I want her to discover how strong and smart, and powerful she is. She has a great oppotunity to have much more than she would if she stays here.
Moving to a new place always gives the person an opportunity to develop their social skills, learn something they did not know and adds a level of excitement to life that one cannot get when they are stuck in their comfort zone.
Surprisingly, she is really ready to go. I would not have thought she would have embraced it so readily, but she has and that is going to make it all the more better for her once she gets there and is faced with certain challenges. She will do what she can get what she needs.
I will miss her tremendously, but it is time for her to grow up.
I am excited for her. I thought I'd freak out more if she was to leave because it is such a comfort having her here. But, I want her to go on with her life. I want her to discover how strong and smart, and powerful she is. She has a great oppotunity to have much more than she would if she stays here.
Moving to a new place always gives the person an opportunity to develop their social skills, learn something they did not know and adds a level of excitement to life that one cannot get when they are stuck in their comfort zone.
Surprisingly, she is really ready to go. I would not have thought she would have embraced it so readily, but she has and that is going to make it all the more better for her once she gets there and is faced with certain challenges. She will do what she can get what she needs.
I will miss her tremendously, but it is time for her to grow up.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Father and Son
My son and husband have spent more time together in the last two months than they have in the last three years. Our separation has been good for their relationship in many ways.
The most important thing that has come out of the separation is my son has become more compassionate and introspective. He is analyzing his father's every word and move and has come to the conclusion that the way he is like his dad the most, is the worse.
He has come to recognize he is selfish in the same way his father is and he does not like what he has discovered. He is offering more help in areas I would not have imagined. He has come to me and told me, "Mom, you never ask me for anything. I want to help."
God is so good. When I was trying to control things, they couldn't come together. Even though the most I did was tried to keep his dad in the house with him. As it turned out, God wanted it differently. The initial way the separation came about was devastating, but after seeing the results, it is totally worth it.
All I ever wanted was for them to act like father and son. It is happening.
The most important thing that has come out of the separation is my son has become more compassionate and introspective. He is analyzing his father's every word and move and has come to the conclusion that the way he is like his dad the most, is the worse.
He has come to recognize he is selfish in the same way his father is and he does not like what he has discovered. He is offering more help in areas I would not have imagined. He has come to me and told me, "Mom, you never ask me for anything. I want to help."
God is so good. When I was trying to control things, they couldn't come together. Even though the most I did was tried to keep his dad in the house with him. As it turned out, God wanted it differently. The initial way the separation came about was devastating, but after seeing the results, it is totally worth it.
All I ever wanted was for them to act like father and son. It is happening.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Holding Pattern
Over the past seven years people have been removed from my life. This year my husband and oldest daughter have moved on. I am grateful to God I have been able to practice detachment and I am sincerely open to them not being in my life.
I've been in a holding pattern for a few years now. I've allowed myself to be open to possibilities and I've moved beyond so much of what was keeping me from being the person I know I was meant to be. I am happy with myself and my life.
I've been open to ta higher calling. I stayed in my marriage believing if I was the person I wanted a person to be to me, that my husband would have to change, or he would not. He did not so, we are not.
I'm coming out of the holding pattern. I'm being freed and so are those around me. Life is good and we all have the opportunity to enjoy it to the fullest. My family is in full transition and I embrace it. I am holding on no more.
I've been in a holding pattern for a few years now. I've allowed myself to be open to possibilities and I've moved beyond so much of what was keeping me from being the person I know I was meant to be. I am happy with myself and my life.
I've been open to ta higher calling. I stayed in my marriage believing if I was the person I wanted a person to be to me, that my husband would have to change, or he would not. He did not so, we are not.
I'm coming out of the holding pattern. I'm being freed and so are those around me. Life is good and we all have the opportunity to enjoy it to the fullest. My family is in full transition and I embrace it. I am holding on no more.
Pretty Wings
This has been a year of transition for more than just my husband and I. My oldest daughter is moving to Houston, TX. This is going to be very hard on me because she is my sole support. No one helps me more than she does.
Yet in still, I want her to go. She is 31 and needs to begin her life. She is leaving a boyfriend behind, who will soon be an ex-boyfriend. Other than that, she has no reason to stay, or come back. I told her not to come back. I encouraged her to seek a life there.
She is going to help my sister who has had twins at age 40. She will be 41 in a few days. My daughter took care of both my children when they were first born. She is a caring and loving young woman who will treat those children with the best of care.
It is time for her to spread her wings. Her future is bright and unlimited. God's speed!
Yet in still, I want her to go. She is 31 and needs to begin her life. She is leaving a boyfriend behind, who will soon be an ex-boyfriend. Other than that, she has no reason to stay, or come back. I told her not to come back. I encouraged her to seek a life there.
She is going to help my sister who has had twins at age 40. She will be 41 in a few days. My daughter took care of both my children when they were first born. She is a caring and loving young woman who will treat those children with the best of care.
It is time for her to spread her wings. Her future is bright and unlimited. God's speed!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
God's Will Be Done
The solution! It is clear to me it is God's will my husband and I live in separate spaces. There are many reason this is necessary. My son actually spent the night with his father in his new place. When he came home I asked him, "So, how was the sleepover?"
He had to laugh and so do I. We chuckled for a while and then he said, "He's lonely. Yeah, Ma, I'm trying to change and grow while I'm in my 20's. I have to at least try."
I agreed with him and as we continued to talk about the time he spent with his dad, I felt a tug on my heart. It felt warm and complete. I still got what I wanted most and that was for my husband to have a relationship with his children. I said to my son, "He shoulda been a "babies daddy."
"Shoulda, woulda, coulda, it is too late now." My son said with assurance and we began to mock my stupid statement and laugh. I told my boy how proud I am of him to that he is stepping up and taking care of his dad. He is taking him to surgery today and will pick him up. I am so blessed. I am extremely happy. Whether we are together or not, we are a family. My marriage is traditional is the best sense because it is been driven by God's will.
If I had my way, he would be home with me, but that is not how it can be. God has work to do on him and He can't with me around. My husband doesn't believe enough on a spiritual level, yet. God is working on him. God's will is being done.
He had to laugh and so do I. We chuckled for a while and then he said, "He's lonely. Yeah, Ma, I'm trying to change and grow while I'm in my 20's. I have to at least try."
I agreed with him and as we continued to talk about the time he spent with his dad, I felt a tug on my heart. It felt warm and complete. I still got what I wanted most and that was for my husband to have a relationship with his children. I said to my son, "He shoulda been a "babies daddy."
"Shoulda, woulda, coulda, it is too late now." My son said with assurance and we began to mock my stupid statement and laugh. I told my boy how proud I am of him to that he is stepping up and taking care of his dad. He is taking him to surgery today and will pick him up. I am so blessed. I am extremely happy. Whether we are together or not, we are a family. My marriage is traditional is the best sense because it is been driven by God's will.
If I had my way, he would be home with me, but that is not how it can be. God has work to do on him and He can't with me around. My husband doesn't believe enough on a spiritual level, yet. God is working on him. God's will is being done.
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