Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Come to You

LIFE 101

"A Brief List of Affirmations: I am feeling warm and loving toward myself. I am forgiving myself unconditionally. I am treating all problems as opportunities to grow in wisdom and love. I am grateful for my life."

This approach has helped me deal with my marriage, especially the part that states, "I am treating all problems as opportunities to grow in wisdom and love. I am grateful for my life."

It has been my attitude of gratitude that has made it possible for me to appreciate my life as a whole.

Get There

LIFE 101

"While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior." Henry C. Link

If I have been successful at all, it is because of the above statement. I live my life, therefore it is full of mistakes that have led me to the superior life I live. That of self-aware, love and peace.

No hesitations! Live now!

Too Good of a Life

LIFE 101

"The result of honoring the comfort zone too much, too often: a sense of deadness; a feeling of being trapped in a life not of our desiring, doing things not of our choosing, spending time with people not of our liking. The answer to all of this? Do it. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Physically move to accomplish those things you choose."

Now is the time to get out of that rut. Live to day!

What Would You Do?

LIFE 101

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" Dr. Robert Schuller

Ask yourself this today. Really think about it.


What Would You Do?

LIFE 101

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" Dr. Robert Schuller

Ask yourself this today. Really think about it.



Many people ask me how I have achieved the things I have in life. When they talk about why they haven't done this, that or the other, they usually use the phase, "I feared this, or that would or would not happen."

LIFE 101

"Here is one of the great ironies of life: Those who are doing what they want to do and are consciously expanding their comfort zone at every opportunity experience no more fear than people who are trying to keep their life "as comfortable as possible." Fear is a part of life. Some people feel fear when they press against their comfort zone and make it larger. Other people feel fear when they even think they might do something that gets them even close to the (ever-shrinking) comfort zone. Both feel the same fear."

Fear is a natural part of what makes us human. We need fear to survive, but we cannot survive life if we are constantly living with fearful limitations. I have never been afraid to do what I thought would further my interest and yes, that includes flying. I used to have a horrible fear of flying until I was asked to go on a business trip and had to fly to Utah. I was in my early forties. I was scared out of my wits. I was seeing signs that the plane was going to crash at every turn. When I say our flight number 5666, I honed in on the "666" and took it as a sign that something bad was surely ahead of me. Yet, even with those thoughts I got on the plane.

Six years later I was asked to go to Florida with a friend. I said yes immediately but I had to work on my fearful thoughts during the weeks before the trip. I went and was better for it.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. Plain and simple.

Monday, March 29, 2010

No Sale

I was at a book fair this weekend. I didn't sell any of my books. It was sort of disappointing, but for the most part it was a good networking opportunity. I will have pictures on my website shortly.

I know it is just a matter of time that my company receives the recognition it deserves.

I Like My Life

When I moved to Louisville, KY, I made up my mind I would not associate with anyone who did not have similar goals as mine. This strategy has paid off well and I have surrounded myself with actors, poets, and professional people.

I was requested by a friend to read her a play she is working on for Actor's Theatre. It was exciting and felt really good to have her ask me to be a part of her process.

It is important you surround yourself with like minds. I know it is impossible to have every relationship be compatible, but we must have people in our lives who reflect what we want to see in ourselves.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Glad I'm Me

Like many of us I went through a period of time when I hated myself. Almost everything about me was a reason for me to cry. As I grew in mind, I began to recognize my own value. By the time I was 30, I knew for sure, there was nothing to really hate about me. I'm great in more ways than one.

When I see some of the things people do, I'm glad I'm me.

Are you glad you are you?

My Two Cents

We keep hearing people talk about the President trying to turn America into a Socialist Country, when in fact what he is doing is humanizing our nation, by taking care of its people.

If they can force me to buy car insurance, I definitely don't mind having to buy health insurance. As a matter of fact, I think the mandatory health insurance bill should null and void the mandatory car insurance bill.

The President has done a great thing to even get this far. We need to wake up. We must take care of our citizens.

All these people crying over the passing of the bill need to take a step back and think for a minute, "What would happen to me if my insurance company denied me?

This is really what this is all about. Insurance companies taking advantage of people at their most vulnerable moments. There has to be reform. Plain and simple.

And another thing, to all these fools who are hollering about the cost. Let me ask you this, when will it cost less?

Always Something

The one constant in life is change. And change is upon me. I feel greatly there will be a huge change in my life very shortly and yes, it will be for the best and betterment of me and those I come in contact with.

I am excited about all the possibilities of what is in store, but I have learned it is truly best to let what life has for your unfold. It is often so much greater than anything we can imagine. That fact is another thing has kept me steadfast and focused.

I am surprised at how much I have accepted that change is just a part of life and if I embrace it there is usually something wonderful just waiting for me.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Crazy Life

Even though I am living a crazy life, I wouldn't change it for the world. I have learned so much from the choices I have made until I recognize the benefit of living your life. No matter what others think of your situation, circumstances, position, etc., they have no right to judge you and you have no right to hold yourself back because others don't get you.

There was a period of time when I didn't quite understand how accepting the inevitable ebb and flow of like would benefit me. Now that I have learned to enjoy the ride more, my crazy life is one I embrace. I recognize I have created the life I have on many levels for various reasons and that it all will work out for my good.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

What People Don't Know About Me

People don't know I consider myself a sponge. I am always learning and assimilating, and coordinating, orchestrating, anticipating, seeking knowledge.

I like to learn. I am an open book, looking for an open book to share knowledge, wisdom, love and peace.

I am free. I harbor no ill towards anyone. I'm just glad I'm me. There is no other and for that, I am glad.

I care deeply about other human beings. I want us all to learn to do what is in our best interest.

I am not fearful. I know peace. I know love. I feel protected by my own humanity. I believe in karma, so therefore I monitor what I release into this world and am confident of that which I choose to share.

I am liberated. I understand. I empathize. I recognize. I am.


I am 48 years old and for the first time in my life I feel a completeness. I have no doubts. I know what I can and cannot do for the most part. I have learned certain aspects of my personality and I have no fear.

Food once controlled my every thought. Now, I sometimes go 12 hours and haven't eaten. Although still overweight, I have weighed the same amount for over 6 years. Yes, I'm maintaining.

I have virtually no debt and have no desire for credit. Unlike my days of old, I no longer fill out credit applications, then get angry when I'm denied. I deny them.

I went to the bank the other day and actually had a little money in there, three days before payday. I'm maintaining.

I will tell you this; it doesn't matter at what age this sense of completeness comes into your life. I would most definitely say, the earlier the better for you, but it really doesn't matter because all we have is the present at any given period, or season of our lives. Feeling like this makes me think I can do anything I want. That is a great feeling to say the least.

Add along with that feeling the street savvy, the business skills, and the ability I have to understand human nature, I am doing it ya'll. I am living.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Many women are probably going to think I am crazy when I say I can understand why some men are unfaithful.

When I had my son, I was astonished by the number of times I had to literally touch his penis. It made me think about how hard it must be to have such a sensitive spot being touched all the time. The fact that it is also a sex organ really made me pay attention to the reality that men really do have a lot of biological factors that make it hard for them to be monogamous.

It is easier for women to say no. Our sensitive places, (other than nipples) are secluded. Whereas a man has to touch his penis each time he uses the bathroom, put his pants and underwear on, etc. No wonder so many of them have a problem keeping it in their pants. They never really get a chance not to think about it.

I understand why they masturbate. I understand why they focus on it. It is a lot to ask a man not to think about the needs of his organ. A man does have to rise above his flesh constantly and that is hard for any of us to do. We want what we want, sometimes without justification, but we want it just the same.

I do not believe in monogamy. There is nothing I have learned during my years of schooling, watching documentaries, or living life that has made me believe it is even truly possible for the majority of us. It really does take a strong conviction and a willingness not to let your physical wants, needs, and desires to take over your life.

We all know men are simple, plain and simple. It makes sense to them to satisfy themselves when they feel the need. It is all a mind game and if you have a weak mind, you probably will have weak relations with others.

It really comes down the to the individual and whether or not they are able, or want to control themselves.

Just because I understand does not mean I agree. I am sure there are many men who have been able to rise above their need to feel their nature rise. I just don't know any.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Little Things

It is the little things that count the most. Remember that the next time you're looking for something big to do for someone. Try something real first.


We all have needs. We all need to learn to meet as many of them as we possibly can if we want to be happy.

No one can love you like you can love yourself. Give yourself a chance. Meet your own needs whenever possible.


People are funny in a sad sort of way. They have many expectations of others and often overlook the responsiblity they have themselves to help maintain a certain level of decency in this world.

We are all responsible for peace.

What Does Love Have to Do With It?

Love, real love, not romance or being "in love," has everything to do with everything.

Love, real love allows us to be open to anothers limitations. Love overlooks what others will dismiss you for. Love will last a long time, but romance and being "in love," only lasts as long as the excitement lasts. When real life sets in, and there is no real love around, the relationship is doomed.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Paying Attention

There is love all around. Pay attention!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

My heart has been broken many times. Each time I thought I'd never love again, or be able to meet someone else, or that I wouldn't survive the pain of the heartache. Guess what? I survived each time and the byproduct of a broken heart for me became the ability to long stronger the next time.

I am a risk taker and I usually do it in relationships. I know all I have to give is the love I know how to share. Just because some buster couldn't get me, doesn't mean the next one won't.

There has been all kinds of campaigns to get certain words taken out of the dictionary. The only one I agree with being taken out is the forever. Not because I think the word is bad, but because there is no such thing as forever. Things can happen for what seems to be forever, but no one lives to see forever. So why do we expect our relationships to last forever?

The only forever relationships are those of blood relations. Blood doesn't change, but the heart and mind does. Just because someone says they love you today, doesn't mean they will tomorrow. Nothing last forever.

If your heart is broken, be glad that nothing is forever, that way you'll look forward to feeling differently in the future.

Broken hearts do mend. It takes time and patience and a willingness to do something different. Let go and release yourself from the ties that bind. Allow yourself to heal. Let yourself believe you will be loved again.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The More I Know

The more I think I know, the less I actually do, especially when it comes to other folk. You never really know anyone and I guess that has been the most surprising thing to me about life. That being, you never really know.

The fact we don't know is why it is so important to have faith. Faith has kept me grounded an allowed me to keep it together when I find out I don't know people like I thought I did. I used to be so devastating to me because I am a very loyal person. I'm pretty much an opened book. I rarely hide anything which you probably have recognized if you have been reading my blogs.

Deception is not something I practice, or that I'm fond of. The more I know, the less I know, especially when it comes to people. What about you? Tell me what you think/

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Figuring It Out

It is time we all do some self-reflection and search for the limitations that keep us from being who we need to be, to get what we need out of life.

Figure it out!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Ain't No Body!

I'm putting it down this morning. Let me say this, even if I were to get a divorce, it wouldn't be in hopes of finding a man who treats me differently than my husband does. At this point in our relationship, my husband's problems with me completely have to do with how he feels about himself. Because, after over 25 years of what he has brought to the relationship has made me stronger, he has foiled. He thought who he was would cause me to be other than who I am. He only thought this because he doesn't recognize me for who I am. I only exist to him in relation to what he needs.

I know, this sounds so awful. But I will press you, (and I won't have to do it too hard), to look at the relationships in your life and tell me how many are equal, balanced, where everyone is giving exactly what they are giving. Please send all list to

Anyway, men need to get off it. They are just as bad as we are when it comes down to letting the other be who they are. Next to coming to an understanding and agreeable, recognizing genders specific traits is paramount to being able to have a smooth functioning relationship.

Things get rough when we try to understand the opposite sex from our perspective. Men are men and they do male things. There are things that only relate to the male species. A woman will not know what it means to be a man, nor can he know what it fundamentally means to be a woman.

What we can do is respect the differences enough to live with the opposite sex.

One of my husbands biggest problems with me is that we can start at A and end up at Z in less than a minute. It all depends on the subject. Most men, on their best day, can't do this, most do not even desire to try, but they grow to resent the women's ability to do it. Any man who has a woman whose mind is as flexible as mine, has made the same complaint, "We will be talking about one thing, then before I know it we're over here. I'm like, what does this have to do with anything?"

To that I say, don't get mad at us because your mind functions best for you in the concrete. The technical term for a women's ability to connect the relavance of subjects, thoughts, possibilities, etc, is absrtact thinking.

Before I say anything else, I will say right off the bat, this ability can be the down fall of women who are not in control of their emotions. That is another blog.

Women use more of their brain than men do when we think about a subject. We're able to rapidly make connections and verbally express them. Sometimes it seems it is happening simultaneously. Some men, and this is not to be mean, like to keep it simple. Then they should choose a simple minded women. Don't reach for the top shelf woman, then fumble with her as you yank her down from the pedastal you've put her on.

I will say I have found a good balance. I have chosen silence to remedy fr actioning his already bruised male ego even more. He reads my silence as distance, when in all actuality I am sparing him the obvious discomfort he feels when he has to "think too much to talk to me."

Why are women attracted to Obama? It is because they know Michelle. We already know she is fluid in thought and words, and he's hanging. He chose a sister from the Southside of Chicago.

We, men and women, have to approach each other as if we were archaeologist. We must allow ourselves to allow our spouse to pick at our bones, down to our souls to really find that which will hold us together. When we allow simple gender specific traits to keep us from getting close to each other, we are either very ignorant, or very selfish. It makes no sense. It is not a legitimate excuse to leave a woman for being female. As her man, if she is flying away in thought, and you aren't ready to leave the ground, that might be a good time to say, "Dear, I really want to understand what you are saying, at this time I'm not making the connection."

If you love her, you will give her that. If it is her just talking to be talking, she'll probably say isn't that important and shut up. At the least you have shown her you were listening. At the most, you just may have to spend a few minutes letting her get it out. But what is wrong with that? If this is the person you want to be with, then you should want them to come to you and be who they are. Think about it.

Anyway, ain't nobody in Louisville ready to take me on. My dreams are huge. My thoughts are rapidly and fluid. I feel the energy of the times. God has revealed so many opportunities. No matter what has gone on in my personal relationships, I have been able to maintain to a great degree. For years I battled with food, but once I woke up and made some better choices I found I could maintain my weight and have done so for over five years now.

I have never compromised my dreams and goals. I never would. I've done a lot of alterations to my personality to stay married. I like how staying married keeps me true to the person I vowed to be. Again, I really wish I could say my staying married had a lot to do with my husband. I do believe God has released me from the marriage to the man I live with, but I have not released me from the vows I took, and as long as I believe I should do what I do, God is with me, no matter who else is, or is not for me.

So, if you don't like that I can think about 95 things and tell you 80 of them in less than 15 minutes, don't talk to me.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

I am not sure why I think this should be a blog other than the fact it may help someone.

Ever since I returned from Florida, I have experienced a new thing. I have come to terms with a lot of things, and I have moved on from a lot of people and things. What remains is an awesome feeling of rightness. I have had this feeling most of my life, but now I see it. I recognize I have been right about my life. I see so clearly , so completely how I was led on this path.

When I am confronted about my marriage to the man I live with, people have actually gone as far as to call me a fool, to even say I'm stupid. Yes, I do have choices and more and more are being presented to me every day, but I have no desire to subject myself to the rigors of a divorce, most definitely not at this time.

It could bother me that my relationship with the man I am married to causes so much anguish to others. My 18 year old son is appalled that I have chosen to stay married. He told me, "He is going to take you down mom. He'll be the death of you."

I said, "You really think so Son, after 25 years?"

"Open your eyes Mom. Everybody can see it but you."

He then went on to tell me, "I should come before him, I am your seed."

If it were not for the fact he was crying, I would have burst into laughter. I am so grateful for my awareness and understanding. My maturity and my ability to allow others to be who they are.

I did not respond to that statement. To do so would have been as ridiculous as the statement itself. If not for his father, he would not be. He cannot come before him. So, it is becoming more than obvious my son may be experiencing a little of the what Sigmund Freud would call the Oedipus complex: The child's unconscious desire to possess the opposite-sexed parent and do away with the same-sexed parent.

In present day psychology this theory is thought to be ridiculous. It is clear to see what Freud meant, but hard to articulate. I never really a even a glimpse of the possibility until today. Whether I believe Freud's theory or not, my son clearly feels he should be exalted over my husband in my heart and mind. He feels because he recognizes his father's limitations as a man, that he has the right to feel superior.

It is a sad situation. I know how it feels not to understand the workings of relationships and think you know better than the two who constructed it. Many will say my quest to get people to stay together is the same thing. To them I say: I have had over 25 years experience making a true effort to learn how to be a wife, companion, and partner. I know what I'm talking about.

My son wants me to let go during the revealing of the purpose. He can't stand it and wants me to feel the way he does. Been there, done that. I have to see this through and believe me I know God is with me. Can't be nothing else.

Whatever It Takes

Because of the way divorce has swept our nation, we must take it on with a vengeance. We must do our best to move towards balance in our relationships. We must stop our self-seeking, self-centeredness, and our lazy natures when it comes to our relationships.

If you aren't happy, it is your fault. If you are miserable, it is your fault. No one can make you feel anything. There has to be something inside you that agrees with what they say, for it to touch you.

When we use divorce to cure what ails our marriage, we miss the opportunity for growth and closeness with another. We miss grand opportunities to learn to love and to share it. If we have children, we cheat them out of their birthright to two parents working together to rear them as best they can. Divorce divides.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I Needed That

A friend told me something that kept me up all night. At 5 a.m., no longer able to stand the rumblings of my soul, I called the same friend who was receptive and willing to let me flesh out what I believe to be God's will for me.

It is time for me to find out who is just with me, and not for me. It doesn't mean I am going to dump people. I think all these people will fall off by themselves. They won't be able to make the climb up the mountain, they will fall off.

There have been so many throughout the years. Some people I really felt close to. I really felt, at the time, they were going to be in my life forever. I learned my lesson the hard way about saying forever, always, coulda, woulda, shoulda. I learned we truly only get one day at a time and that is all we are mandated to deal with. We don't have to solve all of life's problems, if we can just make it through this day and not carry it with us to the next.

When you get stuck on stupid, stand in your own way, you keep out what our Creator has to offer you. I am open. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I think I'm getting closer to my peak.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Learning to compromise is the answer to having successful relationships. Many people think it is good to have their own way, but they fail to understand it may not be if they are not the only ones involved. You can have your own way when the decisions being made only has to do with you.

I knew a couple who were married over 13 years. Their marriage began to falter and they both knew why, but neither one was willing to give the other what they wanted. They divorced. The female in the relationship didn't realize until a year after they had been divorced what she could have done to make the marriage better. "All he wanted me to do was cook once a week. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't realize how much it meant to him."

No, what she didn't do was care. She forgot her vows. She forgot the man she married was the man she claimed she wanted to please. Instead, she felt entitled to more than she was willing to give.

Remember this, you get what you give out of life. What comes around goes around. What goes up, must come down. Most often, you have to give what you want to get out life. That's how it works. Always have, always will.

The next time you are unwilling to compromise remember that you will pay for it, sometimes sooner, than later.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Truth Is

The truth is I am staying in my marriage because I love my husband. As corny as it sounds, it is true. Even with all our differences. Even with all the betrayals, hurts, disappointments, I have to admit; he is the one.

The love I have for him is so pure. It seems so effortless and I don't have to think about reasons why I should or shouldn't. I just go with the fact I recognize I do. I could wish he was different. There was a time early in the relationship that I actually thought I could do something to make him different, but then, who he is became interesting to me. I went from thinking I knew everything about him, to realizing I didn't and that it was best I keep my mouth closed and try to learn him.

The truth is, I'm hooked on a feeling. I am amazed that after 25 years our chemistry is still as strong as it is. Tonight before I left for work I went to him and said, "Dear, I know we have been kidding a lot lately about divorce, but I want you to know, I don't want to be with anyone but you."

He said, "I don't want to be with anybody but you, either." Then he began singing a little song he obviously just made up. "I love you, sometimes I hate you, but I love you." He sang two chorus' and I walked out of the room.

He struggles with his everyday feelings about me. He has a hard time with my moodiness, which is such a shame because I would think he would be used to it now. That just goes to show how people can't stray far from their natures. He is naturally optimistic, and I'm definitely a pessimist at heart, yet we keep finding ways and reasons to show people they don't know about this love.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

They Don't Know

People get it wrong sometimes when they see love in action. Sometimes the person demonstrating the love looks like a fool for doing what they are doing, when in reality you can never really be a fool, if you are truly doing it for love.

We are afraid to love. We have become too self-conscious, too self-seeking and too unwilling to forgive the transgressions that come our way throughout our lives. When we see others, (like myself) who are willing to take a risk with their lives for the sake of unconditional love, we tend to say to ourselves, "I wouldn't. I couldn't, and they shouldn't."
Who are we to judge anyone? As a matter of fact, judging others should be the last thing on our list, but most often it is number one with a bullet.

I remember when the Long Island Lolita's boyfriend, Joey B. had her shoot his wife so he could get out of the marriage. As sick as it is, part of the reason he did it was he didn't believe in divorce and neither did his wife. He knew how strong her conviction was and he knew that only death could separate them. This was proven to be true when even after she found out her husband was behind the shooting, his wife forgave him and wanted to resume the marriage.

The country was outraged. They couldn't believe this woman would survive such a brutal shooting, (she was shot in the face) let alone, stay with the man who orchestrated her shooting. She stayed because she did not believe in divorce, she loved her husband, and unlike her husband, she was relatively pleased with the marriage arrangement. Silly man, he could have had all the affairs he wanted and she probably wouldn't have made much of a fuss. It was his self-seeking and taking her for granted that allowed him to do what he did.

Although they tried, they were unable to stay married and divorced. They both remarried and went on with their lives. For me, I took from this that if two people want it, their marriage can survive anything. What other people think doesn't mean a thing. Not even a little, because they are not the ones who have to deal with the day-to-day.

We have to live our own lives, no matter the cost especially when it comes to creating our own families. It would be wonderful if we could experience more balance in our lives, but it won't happen until we become more balanced ourselves. If allowed, marriage can bring two people to a point of understanding and agreeableness that will allow each party to feel alive and loved in the unit.

What usually happens is people can't come to an agreement or agree to disagree. One or both parties want their way and the other is unwilling to give it. Why can't we all just get along?

Monday, March 1, 2010

On the Outside Looking In

If you are on the outside looking into my marital relationship, you are probably thinking, "Why would she stay?"

People who know my situation probably think I'm a fool. They think this because society dictates that anyone who endures situations, circumstances, life in general is a sucker. In today's world of microwave lifestyles, soundbite conversation, acronyms, and short-cuts, anyone who stands for something is looked at as really taking a fall.

I choose to stay in my marriage. It was unhealthy for me for a long time and when it became too much to bear, I separated from what I believed to be the source of my problems, my husband. It didn't take long, or much for me to realize I was just as much the problem as he when it came to our union. I am not perfect, even though I come damn close.

My husband is one of those people who has figured out how to get his needs met without too much effort on his part. He leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to being involved in a relationship. Yes, I admit, I probably shouldn't have married him, but he also married me, knowing he wasn't marriage material, but he wanted to be. Unfortunately, in his case, wanting to be married never manifested in his becoming more marriageable, but it doesn't matter, because he is married.

He married me knowing he probably should not have. I married him knowing I probably should not have. Why did we? Because we have a strong chemistry, a serious spiritual bond and a deep love of family. These things have kept us together for over 25 years. We have deep feelings to fall back on when all else fails. I can sincerely say I love my husband without a doubt. He loves me to the extent he loves himself. So, it is a day-to-day thing. Good thing we only get one day at a time. That's all I need. Tomorrow is not promised to you, but if you got love today, you got it all.

Sometimes I think people are upset that I know how to love unconditionally. Surely, I should want to have conditions and expectations on and of the man I'm with. Too late. I married for love. Nothing more, nothing less. So I don't get upset when he falls short in other areas, as long as at the end of the day, when he wraps his arms around me, I feel loved.

Yeah, I know. Love don't put food on the table, it don't pay the rent, etc. I don't need it to do that. I do that and gladly. I've said hundreds of times. I don't expect others to understand, or to even care about my situation. I do expect them to keep their comments to themselves if they are not positive. We are doing something right. Our kids are marvelous, well-educated, well-spoken, manner able, thoughtful, and generous. They believe in God and family and I don't expect anything more from them except to love and they know how to do that too.

It is so easy to think, "Wanda, you'd be better off without him. Your life would be so different. You could do this, and you could do that."

What they fail to understand or don't care to know is I was dead spiritually before my husband came into my life. Yes, now that I have gotten to know the real him, I probably wouldn't have married him had I known these things early on, but that is how God planned it. Because I was willing to take the journey of discovery, I have been allowed to be apart of the life of another. Someone who I randomly met 25 years ago. Someone who walked into my life and challenged everything about it. Someone who helped me learn how to live.

You can't buy that. You can't steal it. You have to live it. You have to go through it. I'm holding on. I'm not so arrogant to believe that I would fair any better than the 80% of those who divorce after getting married a second time.

They divorce again because they brought the problem with them to the second marriage, themselves. I've used my raggedy marriage to straighten up my life, to become the woman I always wanted to be and to be a light of hope and encouragement for my children. Although, they too, question my motives, each day the full picture comes more and more into focus. They can see! They can see!