Friday, December 28, 2012

Whose Fooling Who?

"The white American has created a blindness for himself which has a peculiar effect on blacks. In psycho therapeutic sessions Negroes are preoccupied with determining just how many of their difficulties are a consequence of the prejudice of whites. And while there is sometimes the tendency-a determination not to see. They may insist that white oppression has never exerted any influence on their lives, even in the face of such realities as police brutality, job and housing discrimination, and a denial of educational opportunities. It is a powerful rational trait, this willful blindness to the abuse of black in America. It is a blindness that includes the victim as well as the crime."

White people go out of their way to tell you they don't see color. I challenge any one of them to say it to me because they will most definitely have to explain how that can be. We are where we are because of the color of skin black folk have. To they don't see color is a lie and we all know it.

What does it benefit a black man to deny racial prejudice has not affected him? If nothing else from the standpoint that he can make the assertion, he has been affected. Somewhere he got the notion that he is exempt from what all other black folk have to experience. The most famous idiot that comes to mind is Supreme Justice Clarence Thomas. Enough said.

These black folk have done all they can to identify with white folk cause they really think white is right. They think by spending time with them that they somehow are different, when in most cases they are allowed to be were they are. We all know if the white man wants to take you down he can. Everything is in his favor.

Identifying with the oppressor is nothing new, it is just old. It is such a waste of time because they will never love us. As long as we continue to try to act like racism hasn't affected us, they have us right were they want us. We feel stupid when the less qualified white person gets a promotion we knew we should have. Instead of looking at it for what it is, we lie to ourselves that it was for some other reason or heap more self-hate onto ourselves.

I say we do our own thang. We should have our own banks, our own malls, apartment complexes, movies houses, schools, etc. Instead with fight to make them let us in, but once in we still arent' satisfied because we have to leave our blackness at the door. I don't know about you, but I love being black just as much as I love being alive. I identify with my culture first and foremost.

Until we embrace ourselves, we will forever float in this crazy limbo, never feeling apart of a nation we built.

What We Do Not Want To Believe

"The black man today is at one end of a psychological continuum which reaches back in time to his enslaved ancestors."

Many of us refuse to believe this. We actually think because we live in white neighborhoods, buy cars, eat where we want, and shop that we have truly overcome. If all you want are those things, then we have. But I submit we want much more.

We do not want to be followed in the stores we shop in, but we are and yes, it is just because we are black.
We do not want to have to wait longer than other patrons in restaurants, but we do, and yes, it is just because we are black.

We must understand that the only way whites could feel good about enslaving us was to believe we were not human, or subhuman in some way. This belief allowed them to kill man, woman, or child who refused to be a slave. Our manual labor was needed, nothing more. They did not care if we could read, write or even speak properly. As long as we could perform manual labor, that is all they wanted.

In our quest to rise above, many blacks felt like black folk should not learn trades such as plumbing, carpentry, farming. Instead of realizing we were used for economic reasons, we have negatively identified with those professions. The result has been frightening. We are a capable people and the least employed.

We were told to aspire to be doctors, lawyers, dentists and the like. All the while knowing that the odds were truly stacked against us. Now, we are desperate for any work and it is being sent overseas, or taken by others with foreign tongues.

We do not want to believe we harbor plantation mentalities. We want to think we are far away from that time, but I submit the memory of the downtrodden slave lives on today. You see it in our ghettos, the prison system and those who choose to be homeless rather than fight the system. We live like a broken people still. Yes, the threat is real, but so is the reality that we can stand up and use the rights so many fought and died for. Instead, we complain amongst each other.

Know your history or you are doomed to repeat it.

What I Do Know

The one thing I do know is:

"For if the black American is to be truly understood, his history must be made intelligible." Dr. Grier/Dr. Cobbs-Black Rage

I know from my own personal experience that until I dealt with some very suffocating issues from my past, I could barely breathe, let alone live. It was no different when I began to deal with the historical chains that bound my mind. From religion to lack of services, that black is consistently held back in the country that our ancestors built. There would be no America is it were not for the black man. Yes, others were enslaved, but none as long as our people were.

They wanted to live! Plain and simple. If you have ever questioned why they allowed themselves to be treated in the manner they were. It was because self-preservation kicked in and they decided they wanted life. None of us would be here if they had not.

What I do know is each of us is charged with the duty to educate our children about our history in this country. No black child she go throughout their life without this training. We cannot continue to fear the past, mourn the past, or use the past for present pity parties. We must acknowledge and discern what is usable and what is not. We must allow ourselves to feel whatever lingering pain there may be, then get up and do what is needed to turn our black nation around.

Black folk are way too sensitive. We don't want to hear the word nigger, as is it is not said, then it will not be thought. You cannot legislate the heart. What makes you a nigger is your black skin, or your economic status. Forget about what you heard. Look the word up. It does not mean a low-down dirty person as I was told when I grew up. I wish my mother knew the real meaning, then I wouldn't have wasted so much time rallying against the word.

We cannot change the meaning of words just because we don't like them. There was a huge campaign years ago spearheaded by Tavis Smiley, trying to get the word out of the dictionary. It just doesn't work that way. Why would they removed a word fromt he dictionary to please us, when they do all they can to make sure we can't even read a dictionary? We must get a grip.

What I do know is we need to grow a collective self-love. Each of us need to embrace our blackness, love our full lips, our dark skin, etc. It is the only way that we can turn this thing around. Racism is built on hate, only love can break it down. That is what I do know.

What Us Gon Do?

"Negroes want change inside but find it difficult to do so unless things outside are changed as well, it is clear that the simplistic solution of "more education" is meaningless when a society is more attuned to race than it is to academic achievement."  Dr. Grier and Dr. Cobbs Black Rage

This quote is powerful, still today. Although this book was written in 1968, it is very relevant today. We as black people have been told that all we have to do is get an education and the doors to success will open up for us. This is not true and never has been. We must change inside to make the world different on the outside. Even white folk have to do that.

It is who we are that keeps us where we're at. Yes, the color of our skin does play a huge roll in our daily lives, whether we recognize or not. Still, we are human and have unlimited potential, especially as black people. Our people survived some of the worse conditions imaginable. We are all miracles times two.

Yet, we have bought into the belief we are subhuman and many of us act this belief out everyday. We are afraid to be who we are, feel our feelings and let it be known that we matter. What us gon do? When will we stop perpetuating the plantation mentality that kept our American African ancestors bound? When will accept that we are a grand people, full of wonder, love and passion? When will we stop the ramped collective self-hate that keeps brother against brother, sister against sister and ourselves in deep spiritual warfare?

We have the knowledge, but we have yet to apply it waiting on the white man to again set us free. Waiting on the white man to love us so we can love ourselves. We are so blind to our brilliance that we don't understand that they already love us. So much so, that they can't sell a car, a burger, a bag of chips, without using our music, our phrases, our style. Why can't we see through their lies? What us gon do?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Black History and How It Effects Blacks Today

I am beginning early writing about Black History. My main focus is how our American History as black people effects the modern family. Look forward to profound posts dealing with topics like: Why Black Men Hate Their Mothers, Why Black Men and Women Hate Each Other, Why Black Folk Cannot Live Like White Folk. Many of these posts will deal with historical facts to explain some of the present day dysfunctions that are holding our black families hostage.

It is my desire to awaken the deadened self-love we have as human beings. I strongly believe a lot of our current problems derive from the plantations mentalities still harbored by both whites and blacks.


Friday, December 7, 2012

Back on the Grind

Losing my marriage privileges really threw me for a loop. I only wrote 37, now 38 post this entire year. I just felt melancholy and I allowed myself to go with it instead of trying to forget, or to stop myself from missing what I have lost.

I must say doing so has purged me of many of the feelings I was having surrounding accepting I will have to find another at some point or time. You really do get comfortable with a person after 27 years and the thought of being with another man didn't seem appealing for a long time.

I am back on the grind for marriage. I learned a lot in 27 years about relationships and dealing with the opposite sex. I hope to be helpful and inspired in the upcoming year. I was down for a while, but never out.

Peace, love and soul,

Martyr for Marriage

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Doing A Lot of Thinking

Since my marriage is no longer active, I have noticed a trend in my thinking. I miss the functions of a family unit. Being married for 27 years and taking care of my family meant a lot to me. Even though I have accepted my estranged husband and I are not suited to live together as man and wife, I miss the sense of belonging that one gets when the family unit is in tact.

My kids and I are happier in many ways, but there is still something missing for me. I know it is not him. All I have to do is be in his presence and I know it is not him. It is about being a family with all it members. My daughter told me just the other day how glad she was that I maintained the family unit as long as I did because it allowed her to really get to know her father on her own.

I must admit it is a beautiful thing not to have to talk about him, or explain who he was or even think about how the kids are feeling about him not being around. Because they know what they are and are not missing; I get the opportunity to just be mom. I do not feel like I am both parents even though I am the primary caretaker. They each have their own relationship with him that was developed over years. It is a beautiful thing.

They don't even care why we are no longer together. My 16 year still doesn't know. All I told her was he wasn't coming back and that it had nothing to do with her. That was over a year ago and she has not questioned me at all.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to do your best to take care of your children. It really does pay off in the end.