Thursday, May 24, 2012

Ten Months

My husband and I have been separated ten months. It has been a blast for me. The mental revival and renewal is just what I needed. At 50 years old, my way of thinking has changed so drastically until I barely suffered at all. God has released me completely from my marriage and know that it is over I can look back and see what He was doing all the time.

My husband has never been the ideal mate, but I didn't require that as much as I required someone who put the time in. He did that, as much as he could anyway. In June, we will have been married 23. August marks our 27th year of being apart of each other's lives. He has been there whether he was completely functional or not. Considering what he had to work with I marvel at how much he was able to accomplish.

My son and I were talking the other day and he said, "My dad was there for me. I knows he loves me."

To a mother, that means the world because she knows her child has gotten what he needed. All children need to know they are loved no matter what they have or do not have, love is the key that will unlock their potential to be the best human beings they can be.

Although my marriage has come to an end, I will always advocate for marriage because it is most definitely important and needed in this society and world. Marriage is the bedrock of any nation. Families make the world worthwhile. Families fuel the economy. Families keep the species alive.

Marriage give purpose to it all. I am proud of our efforts. I truly believe a couple's children reveal the truth about their household. If that is true, then we did great.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

When A Woman's Fed Up

R. Kelly has done a lot of wrong, but one thing he is truly right about is when a woman's fed up, there ain't nothing you can do about it.

I never wanted to get to this place. I did all within my power to stay in my marriage. Even though it was awful at times, I believed and obeyed and stayed. I didn't seek to use every little slight, mistake, etc., to get rid of my husband. Even though he broke our vows over and over, in every way. I stayed and prayed for God's will to be done within our marriage.

After seeing my estranged husband yesterday, and not feeling that familiar flutter in my heart, I knew I was completely free. One of the things we had going for us is that we both were still very physically attracted to each other. Whereas before yesterday, I would look at him and think, "Oh, I love him." Yesterday when I saw him and he approached me, I had to look twice. I saw him and knew it was him, but for some reason it didn't register the same way. I actually spoke and moved on my way. There really is nothing left to be said. Whatever we had is over.

I am so okay with it being over. I never worked at anything as hard as I did my marriage. To know how much effort I put into to the marriage, only to have it all snatched away was devastating when it first happened. Now, I'm grateful. I don't look back. There is no bitterness, only betterness.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Ode To Elizabeth Edwards: Part Two

John Edwards is paying publically for his sins. What is happening to him and my husband is a great example of you betta watch who you mistreat. What comes around have come back around for them in a big way.

No one could have ever told me my husband would end up in the state he is currently in, yet it is God's will. He lived a reckless life and know he couldn't tie his shoes, or shall I say, shoe, if he wanted to. The same body he used to misuse and mistreat others is almost completely no good time him now. He is living a lonely life, left on his own to deal with what he has created.

Look at John. He is front page news because of his blatant misuse of power trying to conceal his adulterous activities that led to the birth of a child. He is pleading innocent when the proof is overwhelming. How could he? The same way he did what he wasn't supposed to do, blatantly and without any thought of what would follow should he be caught.

I am glad Elizabeth didn't have to live to face the further humiliation brought on by her husband's lack of indiscretion. I on the other, have disconnected myself from my husband. Even when we were together, I didn't let his choices affect my life as much as possible. I would have never wished the life be literally zapped from him, I love his free spirit and independent ways, but as I mentioned earlier God's will is in progress. Maybe both John Edwards and my husband will see the light. Maybe the won't, but they sure will pay for living in darkness.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Ode to Elizabeth Edwards

I know it is hard for her family to have lost her, Elizabeth Edwards, that is. She was a "good wife." The wife of a man hoping to be President of the United States, but too weak to be a man of honor. She loved him for 31 years. I am pretty sure she kept her promises, at least I'd like to think so. The last year of her life was full of unnecessary strife because of her husband's bad choices.

He chose to be with an unstable woman and actually impregnated her and told her he loved her. I know this was hard for Elizabeth and that is why she had to write the book she did. So many questioned her motives. So many thought she should have been too embarrassed to aire the truth regarding her marriage. She had to do it. Just as I did, because I too know the pain of losing the affection of your husband.

My husband has never proclaimed to love anyone else. He does have a son two months older than our last child. We were separated and during this time he felt he was free. Silly man. Even with all we have been through my husband has not waviered regarding believing he loves me. I will admit there is comfort in the fact he has not declared his love for anyone else, but his desire to be with other women, reminds me that love is not enough.

Elizabeth Edwards was strong and capable, but she did not take good care of herself. She admitted to not getting mammograms and not doing self checks. She admitted to putting others first. There is a big part of me that believes her younger children were born out of a desire to replace a loss and to prevent a loss. She had those children in her late forties when we all experience great transition and longing, especially if we have children who are leaving home. Unfortunately she lost a son when he was 18, and I think she probably wanted to have that feeling of motherhood again.

She will be greatly missed. She was most definitely a "Warrior Wife." She fought to save her marriage to the bitter end. What a great role model for hanging in there. Rest in Peace

When God Calls You

Seven years ago I got the shock of my life in two ways. I got an investor who gave me money to open my publishing company and my husband began an affair. I was in between being the happiest and the sadest I've ever been. When I confronted my husband about the toher woman, he said, "Well, I guess you want me to move out."

I immediately heard my God voice tell me to say "No." I heard my mouth say no, and immediately went into the bedroom to ask God what was going on.When you are truly called by God, and are open to it and accept it; you are compelled to do whatever He asks without reservation. Whether you understand or not. I wrote about what I felt God wanted me to do. I tell all in the series Get Out of the Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage.

I originally thought God was leading me toward being with my husband forever. Then there was some indications otherwise. Finally, in July of this year, God freed me from my marriage. I was to completely get out of the way. I must admit, it is hard to sit on the sidelines, but that's all I am mandated to do. When God calls you, you must obey, no matter what you think should be, He knows best.

How To Stay Married

The first thing a married person who wants to give up on their marriage needs to do is examine their role in the downfall of the marriage. More often than not we focus on what we feel the other has done to us. We rarely look at our shortcomings, or what we do or do not bring to the relationship.

If you are honest with yourself, sometimes the simple act of recognizing your role in the problem can help you find a way to stay married.

The Cost of Forgiveness

The book, The Peacemaker, written by Ken Sande has opened my eyes to a natural part of my character I have displayed for most of my life. I am the ultimate peacemaker and I'm proud of it. His book is based on biblical principles. In the book, he talks about how forgiving can cost you, depending on who and what you forgive.

I believe this is especially true with forgiveness in my marriage. When I forgave my husband, it seemed things just began to fall apart. I forgave infidelity and there were remnants of "the other woman." My husband held on to her to the bitter end.

Being a peacemaker can and is often misconstruded. People tend to think you are weak, or a push over. In reality people who are peacemakers understand the value of forgiveness and know that God loves a forgiving heart. There is a cost for every action, whether good or bad, right or wrong. Being up for life's challenges and wanting to please God is the only way to fully appreciate the true power of forgiveness.

Silly Rabbit

Unfortunately, my estranged husband can only function under great distress. He makes choices that never benefit him in the long-run, but cannot seem to figure out to do something different. I was doing all I could to make his life less complicated since he is unable to utilize both his hands effectively. He had problem with a statement a made and became combative. Of course I pulled out of our arrangement immediately, as I was simply trying to "do the right thing," by him, since I am still "legally married" to him.

He called yesterday and left a message that he needed to go to the hospital. I silly can a person be? He called me to tel me to tell his son he MAY need him to take him to the hospital. Anyway!

He thought I was going to come running. Those days are over for good. He needs to find another flunky because I've done my time. It is more than obvious he wants to misuse me in anyway and for as long as possible.

I keep trying to tell him "Silly rabbit," tricks are for kids. Grow up and be the man you claim you are. Stop leaning and begin learning. When will you accept, you get what you put out in life. In his case, nothing from nothing leaves nothing.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

So Disappointed

My greatest disappointment as an adult is to arrive at middle age and to find so many grown folk who do not want to be adults. It saddens me to see on a daily basis how many people who do not want to behave age appropriate, do not want to take responsibility for the choices they make and those who literally just come out and say, "I don't want to grow up."

People want to buy everything they think they want on credit, but when it comes time to pay for it, they don't want someone else to foot the bill.

Now that I know for sure my husband and I will not be reconciling,  I have actually talked to some men who I thought should be mature adults. Two in particular are over 60 and are two of the most childish, immature men I have ever met. The are selfish and self-centered and have no compassion. It is scary.

I really don't know what to think. I have done all the settling I'm gonna do in my marriage. I will not spend anytime with anyone who does not respond adult like. No more drama and definitely no childish bullshit coming from men half a century old or more.

I am so disappointed.

New Book Series

My company is publishing a new book series. The first book will be Get Those Papers! Why Marriage Matters.

So many people today feel marriage is an obsolete institution. Many of these folk have come from single parent homes or broken homes. Some have witnessed their parents struggle with matrimony, but all miss the true beauty of marriage and its financial rewards.

Marriage gives us an opportunity to learn to truly share. When we marry, we should be entering into an agreement to pool our resources, share our hopes and dreams for the future and to create the agreed upon lifestyle we each want.

Instead, we enter marriage expecting to get rather than give. This book will deal with the basic reasons marriage is still a viable institution and greatly needed. It will have expert advice from lawyers and marriage counselors, along with real life testimony.

Marriage matters!

Old Habits Really Do Die Hard

I want to take care of him as I have always done, still after being separated over 9 months. Even though I am happy with my life, there is a great part of me that still wants to be a wife to him. In a way, I am sort of proud of myself because I have some full circle and can see that I was serious about my marriage.

I continued to do what I believed I was mandated to do until the bitter end. The fact I was willing to be in his presence at all says a lot. He really did me dirty, but it was nothing God couldn't see me through, and he did. Yet, I yearn to be a wife to him.

Old habits really do die hard. 26 years is a long time to love and truly care for someone. You can't just go cold turkey without some type of withdrawal. I have not tried to force anything on myself. I have allowed myself to naturally moved pass my feelings for him.

Monday, May 14, 2012

All I Could Do

I have done all I can in regards to trying to reach my husband. Even after all he's done, I still went and tried to help him out, but he couldn't allow it. His evil spirit has caused him to lose any opportunity to ever reconcile with me. I would rather be alone and lonely than to spend another second of my time with him.

He often bemoans, "I never catch a break." Little does he realize it is because he never gives one. He is extremely hard on everyone around him even though his life is a complete mess.

I don't even miss what we had that was good anymore. I am glad to be completely out of his life. Too much work for no reward at all. He will make it.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Doing the Right the With the Wrong Man

My husband does not see how he reveals himself to others. He is so selfish and self-centered until he actually thinks everything revolves around him. It is amazing to me. I just have to wonder.

For years, I have been trying to do the right thing with the wrong man. It ain't working.