Monday, May 31, 2010

Lesson to be Learned

Stuff happens! That is just how it is. Life goes on no matter what happens to you. You must learn to deal with it and began to think of certain things that happens to us as lessons to be learned.

Being married has taught me so much about myself. One thing I know for sure; I am one of the strongest people I have ever met in my life. There is not too much I don't think I could'nt handle, if I had to. Life has taught me to make do, do over and do without.

Being married has taught me that I am loyal, capable, willing, and completely ready for whatever comes my way. I no longer hide from anyone or anything. I'm ready to do what it takes to live the authentic life I was put on earth to live.

Although my marriage has not been the best, it is my marriage. One I helped create. I'll continue to learn the important lessons of life and hold my head up high. I know it is all for a very important purpose. I'm ready if I don't get to go.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Keeping It Real

I work with young adults between 15 and 20 years younger than me. Some of them have picked up on my ability to read human behavior and the keen understanding I have of human nature.

I told them, "Listen, it really is no big deal. I have lived almost half a century. I should know something by now."

They are astonished by my ability to not truly care what other people think of me, especially if that means I have to go along to get along, hide from the truth, or beat around the bush. "The same thing people love about you Ms. Hall, is the same thing they hate about you. That has to be rough."Yes, it can be, but I'd rather have it like that than any other way.

My 30th High School Reunion is coming up in July. I pulled out my scrapbook and began reading the comments people wrote about me 30 years ago. Tears came to my eyes as I read things like, "Stay as real as you are and you will go far." "You are and will always be a woman. No one deals with smut with the style and grace like you do." "You are definitely not a person who is afraid to be herself. I guess that is a good thing. Especially for you. You should go far."

My boyfriend's mother wrote, "Stay as you are and never become a phony baloney."
Another friend wrote, "You are cool, calm and collected." All of the comments had to do with how much of a REAL person I seemed and how I seemed not to care what others thought of me.

Even back then, I had an idea of who I was and where I wanted to go and people recognized it. Today, fully grown and understanding myself more than ever, I am still told how real I am, how down-to-earth I am, and how open and honest I can be. It feels good to know I have not strayed from what I always knew to be true, nobody can be you but you.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Out in the Open

Whether good or bad, having things out in the open is less stressful than harboring grudges and suspicions.

In a marriage, it is always better to speak your mind truthfully and respectfully. Sometimes we lead our spouses on when we tend to hold back calling ourselves trying not to hurt their feelings when keeping in what we need to say is for more damaging than expressing it could ever be.

Open up and let it out.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Figuring it All Out

I understand a lot more now at 48 than I could ever imagine. The greatest committment I have made has made the biggest difference in the type of person I have come to be. Had I not married who I married, I truly do not believe I would be where I am in my mental development.

Learning to sincerely love him without reservation has opened my eyes so completely to the wonder of the soul. It is infinite in its ability to grow and learn and share. I recognize what I have and even though it is not ideal, it is my life.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Patience II

I must admit. I have outdone myself. Yes, I have actually been patient and let God really work in my life. I have a horrible house that I was paying too much for. I waited on God and went through the process. I was able to get my mortgage reduced from 11.6 to 4.5 percent interest, along with other little blessings.

Patience is truly a virtue.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Losing Control

I have an injury to both knees that is slowly causing me to lose my mobility. It is such a frightening experience. I find myself feeling terrified when I see steps, or a steep hill. My knees are popping so loud my co-workers take cover. They say it sounds like gun shots.

The insurance company has dropped me. I was taking a shot of chicken cartilege that actually offset a lot of the pain and discomfort. The doctor would rather cut on me and the insurance company would rather see me cut than to use preventive measures.

I'm frustrated and feel cheated because I am trying to take care of myself without going under the knife.

I feel as though I'm losing control.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Sometimes it is hard to think about how much effort I have put into various people and activities throughout my lifetime. Next to losing weight, making an effort to save my marriage has been the hardest.

Even though I'm one of those people who believe, "If that don't do, try something new," I have given up on trying to find a husband in the man I married. He is relieved. Now that everything is out in the open, he doesn't have to try to be something he will never be and that is a man of honor and respect. These virtues were lost on him long before I met and married him. It has taken me a long time to understand you cannot really motivate someone, or help them if they don't have the capacity to recognize they need these things.

My husband is scrambling in many also. He is not crazy, so he knows he has lost a "good thing," when he lost his wife. The real sad part about it all is I ain't going nowhere. Even though I know for a fact God has released me from this marriage, I'm staying because I want to. I want "us" to rear our daughter and that is what we are going to do.

She appeared in her first stage play last week. Her dad and I were in the audience just beaming. She did a marvelous job. My husband kept saying, "We are such bad parents. We don't have a video camera." I never said a word. I don't believe whether you have "certain things" or not makes or breaks you as a parent. She got what was important to her; her parents being there.

I went out to congratulate her after her great performance and could barely reach her for the crowd of kids hanging literally on her and kissing her and hugging her and stating, "We love you."

I went back to my husband and told him, "I don't know what you're talking about. These kids love our daughter. That is the best proof we are excellent parents."

Our kids are loved wherever they go because they know how to love. A parent can't ask for more than that. They really can't.

As long as I continue to see positive changes and growth in my daughter, I'll stay in the marriage. It's not just about me. It really isn't and I am glad I am mature enough to recognize it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I make no apologies for who I am. Just as it has others, life has shaped me. Unfortunately, some of the brightest people still have problems letting others be who they are. They bring to conversations their preconceived ideas about what should and should not happen at even given moment. When others do not fit into their idea of what should be, they immediately have a problem with the person.

This happens to me a lot. Because I fear no man. Because I know, that I know , that I know. I do not respond they way others feel I should and I have to be subjected to them telling me how I should have responded to this, that, or the other.

No one has the right to dictate what comes out of another person's mouth. If you don't like what is said, that is one thing, but to actually tell a person what they could have said, or should have said is out of line and disrespectful in itself. I take people at face value and if I find I cannot handle what they are putting down, then I put them down.

I don't make it a habit of allowing myself to be dictated to and that is a good thing. I'd really be crazy if I listened to all the people who want to tell me how to express myself, what to wear, how to walk into a room. I mean really, who has the time to worry about what others think?

We are living in a marvelous time that will go down in history as one of the most unusual decades for destruction and growth. Our economy is taking its beatings and we are having to rely more on less and deal with it. What will you contribute to this marvelous time in history? What will you learn about yourself? How will you adapt to the New World Order? It is time we all learn to do our own thing and leave other people's alone.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Personal Responsibility

The biggest disappointment of my adult life has been to get here and find so many "supposed to be adult" people are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions.

Wake up! Hold yourself accountable that way no one else will have to.

Good Mother

I have been a mother since I was 17 years old. My oldest is 30. Every few months I ask my kids what they think I can do to be a better mother. For years each of them would mention my anger and yelling. I have a list of ten questions and as the years progressed, they only mentioned my level of anger and frustration.

I knew I had an issue with anger and I did my best to deal with the issues that was causing them. Yesterday, my 19 year-old son came told me that I seem a lot happier. He said, "You seem happy. You don't get a near as mad as you used to. I remember how you would always ask what you could change and you actually did it."

I said, "Son, what kids don't realize is most parents still have a lot of growing to do. We grow up with our kids. I'm the type of parent who chose to enlist help from you guys so I could work on what was keeping me from having a closer relationship with each of you. Each time I went down my checklist, all of you focused on the same area, so I did my best to make the necessary changes."

I think my willingness to respect my children makes me a good mother.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Doing Good

I know I've written about how doing going does not always turn out good. When this happens in a marriage, it is even more devastating. Everyday I am faced with the fact I put forth effort and failed.

I did more than try to change I actually did and although the changes I have made will benefit me the rest of my life, it still does not take away the pain of knowing I will never have a husband in the man I married.

Today I said to him, "Well at least we have a lot of good memories." He said, "Yeah, I have a lot of them." We both put forth effort, it just isn't meant to be the type of marriage we had hoped. We are too different, not enough in common, and marginally compatible, but we managed to stay together for over 25 years. Ours is a true testament to the fact that people can learn to get along with each other successfully, no matter how different they are.

Still, having to change the way I view our relationship is sad to me. I can no longer lean on hope to get me through these last years. I have to face the reality each day that my husband has not grown enough, is not secure enough to be the man he could be if he only had worked harder.

One of the key life lessons I needed to learn was compassion. I learned, but it didn't help the marriage. Doing good does not always turn out good.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Many people ask me why I share so much personal information. I simply explain it is my calling to let others know they are not alone. So many people feel isolated when troubles beset them. They fail to realize there are many others experiencing the same things are worse.

When it comes to married life, I feel a deep urgency to share what I have learned with others in hopes they will find something worthy and useable within what I share.

I live in the present, so even five minutes ago is the past to me. If I survive it, I feel I should share it. That is one of the main reasons I work with teenaged girls.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


I have mentioned my books Get Out of the Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage several times. What I have not talked about is how I came to the decision to get out of the way.

Back in 1997, I made a decision that rendered my husband homeless. We had just moved to a new city and neither one of us knew anyone. He returned to his hometown, then 18 months, after doing much soul searching and ultimately realizing and accepting I was wrong, he returned home.

Little did I know he had done some thinking also and made a vow to himself that he'd never be put out without somewhere to go. Thus, he developed a relationship with another woman, or so he claims this is the only reason she is still in his life six years later.

Whether this is the real reason for the other woman or not, what stands out to me is even though I did all I could do to make him know I was wrong and that I wanted to make it right, the resentment had set in back in 1997, and all my efforts were for naught, when it came to savaging our personal relationship.

He has been trying to make me pay for my wrongs of the past. The very wrongs I have been working to rectify. When I found out for sure that my efforts were for nothing, I was crushed. It made me feel like a fool initially. I guess all human beings have to go through that, but I quickly turned it around and looked at the outcome as I do every other outcome, it is what it is. I did what I thought was right. No, what I know was right. I tried to savage the marriage I helped to destroy, and it did not work out like I had hoped.

His resentment served as a shield that kept him from accepting the changes I had made. He didn't accept my tearful apologies, my efforts to help him feel secure with me, or my humble attempts to honor his place as head of the household. Resentment robbed me of the opportunity to find a husband in the man I married.

Resentment in a marriage has the same effects that roaches and termites can have on a house. Once they are in you can almost never get them out. Consistent treatment and attention to the infestation is the only way to get on top of them.

Resentment in a marriage is even harder to get rid of. My husband isn't aware of how angry with and resentful of me he is. He has created a situation that has caused the one thing he was trying to keep from happening, happen. This is what we do to ourselves when we seek to blame others for how our lives turn out. Had he been the husband he should have been I would not have made the decision I made. He doesn't look at it that way because he can only be a victim.

Well, I am not a victim. I am a conqueror. I wouldn't trade my life to save my life. I love the choices I've made because each of them have brought me closer to the greatest love of all. Loving myself.