Friday, September 30, 2011


September has been a freeing month. I have come to terms with some very real personal issues. I have accepted my marriage will not end the way I had hoped. I know my husband and I did our best. We stayed together for a long time because of our disbelief in divorce, but what we hadn't explored was the reality that we don't have to live together to be married.

We can still do what is needed and not live in the same house. Our kids are not babies anymore. They now how to ask for what they need.

September 2011 will become significant for me because I really did some good soulwork this month. I stayed on track and did the right thing.

God is the light of my life.

What We Give Up To Please Ourselves

I often write about how marriage gives us the opportunity to learn to share and to be open to love. I can truly say I learned those things in my marriage. Marriage shaped me and beckoned me to search for ways to be used so that I could share the glory one feels when they are giving out of love.

It never really mattered to me that my husband didn't work because he was such a good house husband. It bothered him, thus we'd have arguments, not because he wasn't working, but because of how he felt about not working.

What I gave up to please myself was the experience of having a partner who shared their finances with the household. I never truly made demands on his income. I took more of the attitude that as long as he didn't have to ask me for money, or take away from the household, I didn't care.

Although, to me, we benefited more by him not working and taking care of the house and our young children; I had to accept that he struggled with his manhood already, and although he was pretty comfortable in the role, at times he felt "less than a man." Like I said in an earlier blog, we get too attached to ideals of who we are, instead of accepting who we are. He was more domestic than I and both of us knew it. We did what was best for our family.

If I must say so, my kids are the better for it. They are some very well-mannered, kind, thoughtful, decent children and their father has a lot to do with it. Yes, I gave up financial security for peace of mind and I would do it again.

My Grandmother Didn't Get to be 92 by Being No Fool

My grandmother turned 92 today. I called to wish her a happy birthday. We exchanged the usual chatter, then she got serious.

"Your sister Sal wants to take me out to dinner. I don't want to ride with her."

"She doesn't know you don't want to ride with her? Are you ready to have that conversation?"

"No, I'm not there yet."

""You want me to tell her?"

"Yeah, do that for me."

My sister experiences black out seizures, but still has the nerve to drive. The first time she had an accident with my grandmother in the car, grandmother was able to steer them to safety, once she got my sister's foot off the pedal. The second time, people actually got hurt. Grandmother said, "Ride with Sal, no, no, no."

I would have laughed if it weren't so sad. It is my sister's ego, and the State of Illinois' negligence that keeps her on the road. My grandmother didn't get to be 92 being no fool.

When I am Right, I am Right

My husband is having a hard time. He is being removed from the place he is staying and three months later he is still blaming me for it. He does not see that it is his attitude towards the world that has caused him to be where he is. He is blaming me because he is not with his family.

I just sat and listened to what he had to say. He said I was 100% and he couldn't hold his temper anymore. Well, that's on him. He now has to deal with not being able to hold his temper. It is not desire to see him hurting. It is what it is.

He accused me of not caring about him. He has completely glamorized his part in the incident. He is in so much denial it is scary. I was right to let go and let God work with him. I cannot and will allow myself to continue to be mistreated. He has no respect for me as a woman or his wife.

I am free from all that now. When I am right, I am right and I was right to stop trying to be something to someone who could not appreciate it.

As Plain As The Nose On My Face

God called me to be a psychologist the day I opened my eyes on this earth. I have been a humanist all my life. A psychologist is a humanist that gets paid for their insight into human nature and their ability to help others recognize their intrinsic worthiness as human beings, thus allowing them to alter their perspective so that they may enjoy the richness and wholeness living life can bring.

This is what I have always known God wants me to do. I do it all the time, but things are taking a different form. Because of our litigious society, I think it is wise for me to get my doctorate. Since I have been posting on Facebook, I have had several people seek me out for comfort, solace, direction, etc.

I do believe it is God's continuous effort to have me live my best life. I has become as plain as the nose on my face. I applied to college Thursday morning. It is time I do what I was born to do.

What We Don't Do To Keep Marriage Alive

The one thing we don't do that could possibly save our marriage is be kind to our spouse. You know I'm right. Kindness is probably they last thing you think to show. I know he/she doesn't do what you want them to do. Have you ever thought of giving them what they want? It really is true that the quickest way to throw a spouse off is to give them exactly what they ask for. Unfortunately this is lost on most of us.

It is this way because we are all too self-seeking. We are continuously monitoring whether our needs are being met. Rarely do we monitor whether we are meeting the needs of the our mate. If we do, it is only to keep score and not in a productive manner.

When we marry, we are committing to being the person the other person can lean on. We are saying we want to be the one to provide them with the safety and companionship they desire. Yet, we often neglect to find out what our partner's dreams and aspirations are because we are too busy pushing our own agendas.

I have never been the type of woman to expect a lot, as much as I expected to give a lot. I have held to a belief my needs would be met, especially if I was willing to meet the needs of others. Earlier in my marriage I almost got caught up in expecting certain things from my husband, many of them he was unable to give, but I discover a lot of my expectations could be and would be met by others and in other ways. By knowing myself and understanding my true needs, I was able to learn to give without expectation and love anyway.

We do not keep love alive in our marriage when we can't be kind to our spouse. Married folk do have to try harder and it is as it should be. When we come together there is nothing we cannot conquer. Our self-seeking ways keep us from the love we deserve in our marriages.

Why Marryiage Doesn't Work In America

I completely believe to answer this question honestly you must look at the different predominate cultures in America. Hispanic, White folk, Black folk.

Right of the top, marriage last longer in the Hispanic communities because most of them are Catholic and Catholics, as a rule, do not consider divorce. They also go through a pretty rigorous training before they get married. This is done to introduce them to the realities of married life and to allow each of them to participate in scenarios and conversations that uplift the union, shine light on some of the snags and snafu's, that can occur during married life.

White folk, many of which consider themselves Christian or Jewish, handle marriage in many ways, but mainly understand the economical benefit of marriage. Although getting married for "love" is the rally cry, getting ahead through marriage is the primary goal.

Black folk, the majority of them Christian, often opt out of marriage for varies reasons. Ironically, many of them have to do with finances. You often hear women say, "We don't have enough money to get married," and yes, they are usually living with the man. These folk are uninformed about the financial benefit of merging, in legal marriage with the man they are already sharing everything with.

Many claim to marry for love, black, white, or otherwise in this country; yet we bare the highest rate of divorce in the world. Marriage doesn't work in America, because we do not respect the benefits of married life. Most of us go into marriage, holding on to romance. It is a lethal combination, because once life hits the marriage (children, mortgage, jobs, parents, friends), and there is no true agreement (marriage), all bets are off.

Our way of thinking keeps us from truly sharing our lives. Women, tell the truth, many of you run to your friends, before you do your spouse. You use the excuse he doesn't understand you, but in reality, you don't really want him to because you don't want to give him something to use against you. Well, dear, until we unmask ourselves within our marriages, we cannot get what we want.

Men do the same thing. But I think men's desire to hold on to an image of themselves keeps them from really committing to marriage. May it be the computer nerd, the womanizer, the work-a-holic, so many of them are chasing the wrong things.

Marriage will not work in American until we truly decide to give our partners what they need. The only way that can be done is to open up and let them in. Make your marriage work, starting today. Agree to disagree. Listen to your spouses dreams. Smile at them. Show them love. Now is the time.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

They Know They are Loved

Even though their father and I are not together, he is still very active in their lives. He wants them around and does what he can for them. They know they are loved.

One of the many reasons I have stayed in the relationship is because he genuinely cares about his children and has always been willing to really be involved in their lives. My heart if grateful for this.

My youngest doesn't need as much as he would like to give and that bothers him. He still wants her to be a little girl and she is becoming a young woman. I encourage her to accept his love on whatever level he is able to give it. No matter what he is her father.

Because our parenting styles are so different, the kids prefer my methods more because I am not an authoritarian. I talk to them and try to get them to do what is in their best interest. Whereas, my husband tends to be dictatorial and obsessive. They say he drives them crazy. For me the most important words are "drives them." There is value in his method because he is actually trying to get them to do what they need to do.

As long as they know they are loved, I am happy.

Monitoring My Feelings

I have been monitoring the way I feel concerning being separated from my husband while he is so ill and I must admit, I am doing well. I want to be there for him, but he cannot manage to be decent for long and I just can't handle it. I cannot lovingly take care of him, while he is mean to me.

I am not a nurturing person in that way. I can help those who want to help themselves and can appreciate the assistance of another. My husband is not that way. He comes from the mindset of expectation, so he feels he is not obligated to monitor his behavior. He comes from a famly that says, "If you love me, you'll let me abuse you."

Well, I love you, but you will not abuse me. I am so glad I have my head on straight.

Double-edged Situation

I was talking to a man who is 61 and never been married. He has several children, but did not raise any of them because the women he chose was unable to recognize his need for independence. They refused to let him be around his children because he didn't want to be tied down with them.

He simply knew who he was and that he was not marriage material. He knew at a young age he didn't want to inflict his way of life on a family, but the women he chose could not appreciate his honesty and opted for barring him from the lives of his offspring.

This happens alot, "I ended up raising the kids of the women I was with. I am only now, able to have relationships with my own, now they are adults."

The fact he is willing is what is so amazing. We are now in a time where women are making money, and don't need financial help, as much as they are looking for emotional stabilty. Men, on the other hand have most likely been raised to believe that all they should do is provide for the family. It is a double-edge situation that causes men and women to continue to go round and round about who should be doing what.

We need love. All of us. If we would just approach the situation with that in mind, it would be a smoother ride to getting what you need.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Time to Grow Up

My 31 year old will be leaving soon. She is going on to a better way of life, whether she knows it or not. It will be better because it will be built on her own terms. She is going somewhere where she will have minimal support. She'll have to learn now to get around, where to shop, where to party, etc.

I am excited for her. I thought I'd freak out more if she was to leave because it is such a comfort having her here. But, I want her to go on with her life. I want her to discover how strong and smart, and powerful she is. She has a great oppotunity to have much more than she would if she stays here.

Moving to a new place always gives the person an opportunity to develop their social skills, learn something they did not know and adds a level of excitement to life that one cannot get when they are stuck in their comfort zone.

Surprisingly, she is really ready to go. I would not have thought she would have embraced it so readily, but she has and that is going to make it all the more better for her once she gets there and is faced with certain challenges. She will do what she can get what she needs.

I will miss her tremendously, but it is time for her to grow up.

No More Resistance

I have made the decision to do whatever it takes to lose 60 pounds by January 1, 2012. I have been overweight since I was 12 years old. 38 years of struggling with poundage. I have now found out what I need to do and although it seems drastic, it has to be done.

I am moving towards a liquid diet to get this final 60 pounds off. I know what to do to maintain once it is gone. When I was thinking about what I would have to give up, tears literally began to well up in my eyes. I was somewhat surprised. i sat and tried to focus on where the tears where coming from and I couldn't come to an conclusion, other than my inner child, still wanting to have her way.

She is no longer as strong as she used to be. I couldn't muster up a real cry and the tears soon dried up. I must do this if I am to every have any self-respect. I am extremely embarrassed that it has taken me so long to get myself under control. My emotions and feelings were tied into food and I used it to regulate my mood.

Over the past seven years I have worked on my mentality, able to get myself together enough to maintain the same weight for seven years. Now, I find that working out an hour, at age 50, does not burn additional fat, it only maintains. I have to push beyond my comfort zone.

Watch me!

Going the Distance

It is difficult to continue to do the right thing, when my husband is still being such an asshole. He doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions. He wants me to make everything okay, but I refuse to do so. I refuse to make any efforts towards reconciliation. He has to be the one to come to me.

I am still going to help him when he needs it, but I have very little to say to him about anything. I don't have a problem with us not talking. He has no respect for who I am as a woman, or as a person. He has allowed himself to stay in a time warp. He didn't grow much at all over the 26 years we've know each other. What a shame.

Since divorce is still not an option for me, I will go the distance and do what I can to help him when he needs it.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Understanding What Is Important

God has blessed me with the gift of being able to understand what is important. Right now my home life is in disarray. Everyday there is something new, another challenge to face, a hurdle to jump, etc. Yet, I no longer allow myself to get overwhelmed, as much as I deal with what I can, as I can, by understanding what is important and acting upon those things first.

I have had to help my husband out because he has once again put himself in a stupid situation. As usual, he has all he needs, but he insists on leaning on other people, then becoming prideful when things go wrong. He is completely unwilling to take any responsibility for his mistakes.

We encountered the core of our problem, lack of respect, during the time we spent with each other. I brought it to his attention and made it perfectly aware we are apart because of how he talks to me.

At this point in my life, I will not be disrespected, for any reason, especially not by the man I've loved for over 26 years. Whether he has or not, I have grown past that. I am ready for better. We did good considering our past and all we've done to ourselves.

I will keep doing what is important.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Married Minded

I came to realize I was the marrying type late into my marriage. Now, it is hard for me to change the way I think. I don't feel like I can do the dating thing. Maleness has become something I can say truly bothers me. Different men display their maleness in different ways, just as woman show varying degrees of feminity.

I lived with an Alpha male for over 26 years. I had to learn to be more humble and I accepted that reality, but even with my working on myself, I found the arrogance that is inevitable when it comes to males, gets on my nerves.

Unfortunately, I love men and dealing with their malesness is part of the territory. My husband's insecuritites got the best of him. He spent too much time being macho and wanting to be in control of everything, but himself of course. This is why his life continuously falls apart. He knew what was right for everyone else, but could do little for himself.

Now that we are separated and it feels like we won't get back together; I have been allowing myself to think I very well may have to date again. What I know about maleness makes me feel like I don't want to do it.

Taking It Day by Day

Now it seems my husband is being put of out the place he is living. He asked me if he could bring his clothes back here. I have been feeling good about how I have been feeling so good since he has been gone.

This doesn't feel like a test. He doesn't want to come back home. He hasn't asked at all. I am not offering. He hasn't changed or even accepted what he did to me. He has actually done nothing but blame me and others for his actions.

I am not sympathetic to his plight at all and he has to know that by now. I will continue to take it day-by-day.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

More and More

I am adapting to being by myself very well. I no longer feel like I missing someone. Glad that feeling didn't last long. I am so ready to do something else. Life is opening up just fine. I feel confident I am on the right path.

I don't think I'll ever live with another man. It is just too hard. They are so different from us (females). I have learned that what bothers me most about them, is their maleness and they can't help being male, no more than I can being female. The only solution is for me to keep my distance.

Even though I am a lover, I don't have to have my lover under the covers with me every night. I like sleeping alone. I like not having to consider someone else when I want to turn over or move a lot. I can do me.

I am so grateful for the experience my marriage has given me, but most of all the self-awareness and self-knowledge has been most beneficial. I won't make the same mistakes with other men that I did with my husband because more and more I am coming into my own appreciating and valuing myself.

Why Patience is A Virtue

Being naturally patient, I sometimes laugh at people who are in a hurry to go nowhere. You know the ones who will pass you on the road, only to get to the light and it turns red. They may be in front, but they still have to wait.

Waiting? Waiting seems to be a bad thing for most people. They want what they want and they want it now. Me, on the other hand, has always been willing to wait for what is meant for me and to achieve the goals, dreams, and desires I have for my life.

Waiting has gotten me much more than being impatient ever has. Patience is a virtue because it tempers the soul and humbles the ego. Waiting builds character. A person who can wait understands it is not all about them. They recognize there are other factors and are willing to allow them to unfold.

Impatience breeds disappointment because most times much of the important stuff is left out in haste. Being patient allow you to think and decide. Impatience usually precedes impulsiveness, which leads to disappointment.

Patience allows us to grow closer to God, especially if we are seeking His while waiting for an outcome.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

In God's Time

I am so glad God is in control. I am even more happier about the fact I am a naturally patient and long-suffering person. Being this way, and walking by faith has allowed me to realize all my dreams and goals.

I am making some huge changes in my life and doors are opening up daily. I am open to whatever God has in store for me and it looks like it is going to be the entertainment field. It keeps calling me. Although I do sing, act, and dance, it is not my passion. Helping others achieve their goals is truly my passion. So, I see myself headed towards promotions and advertising.

I have recently got on board with a local entertainment company and it feels good. I know it is right and I am going to give it my all. Things are opening up and I am ready.

Thank you God! Thank you for keeping me, guiding me and saving me.


Both my husband and myself are loners. Neither one of us especially need the company of another on a consistent basis. Before I met him, I can truly say I was on my way to becoming a hermit. I very seldom did anything. Meeting him changed that.

What we gave each other turns out to be the best gift either one of us could have ever given. Space! I've never truly been the clingy type. In the beginning of our relationship, I wanted him around more because it (romance) was all so new to me. After about three years of dating, I began to have a more realistic look at the relationship. I figured out I wanted to be with him. I was unwilling to do so unmarried.

We married after living together for 3 1/2 years. Looking back we both knew we would be on this journey for a long time and we have. Now that are separated, we both have taken to having our own space like a duck does to water. When it first happened, because of the way things went down, I was so glad he was gone. After about a month, I began dealing with the aftershock and I began to miss the fact I had no one to share my time and love with. I had lost my companion.

Now, almost three months later, I'm thankful to God for everything that has happened. It has allowed me to look at my marriage in a new way. We don't have to live together. We still have bills we share and children and we handle what needs to be handled. What we don't have is the face time, which doesn't bother me at all. His spirit is too jacked up and he is unwilling to change, so I am unwilling to live with him unchanged.

I am glad to have my space. I have even more room to dance.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Good Boundaries

I have excellent boundaries and I have come to realize people are very intimidated by me because of it. I recently talked to someone I only met a few weeks ago. It was a very brief meeting, no words exchanged at all.

Last night I was talking this person at length and she ended the conversation by stating, "I am so glad I talked to you. I thought you were mean."

I have heard it a million times, but honest to God, I responded like it was the first time because I literally had said nothing at all to this person. When I asked her why she thought that, she said other co-workers had said some things. She had bought into whatever was being said without checking for herself. It was only happenstance that we had the conversation.

I told her my theory about people who perceive me as "mean." Men say it alot and I tell them immediately, "I'm not your momma." I told her that I believe people who say that about me are people who are looking at me through a child's eye. Most adults recognize I am a confident, strong, capable woman and I carry myself as such. I'm not a big hugger, or a person to pour syrup all over others to be accepted.

I have great boundaries and I refuse to change a thing. I'm glad some people view me that way. Those are the ones I don't have to be bothered with. Yet, it is sort of disheartening to go have people label me negatively just based on looks. I don't have to say a word. I am very serious, but that does not mean, I am mean. As a matter of fact, I really don't have the capacity to be "really mean." It is not in my makeup.

I ain't trying to win no popularity contest and it is a good thing, because obviously, I won't.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Understanding Myself

I didn't get to know myself until I turned 35. Between now and then I have spent a lot of time in self-analysis. I went through 18 months of therapy and during that time I learned about myself, what I see in so many others; we cannot control anything, or anyone outside of ourselves.

Most conflict is started based on people's desire to tell others what they can and cannot do. Yes, we all have to follow rules and regulations, no one is a free agent. I am talking about people who try to manipulate the choices of individuals. I call them soul snatchers. These people will go to great length to shape the life of another, while simultaneously fucking up their own.
There is no way to live two lives.

Now that I have gotten really in touch with myself, I notice I seldom think about what other people think. I have really come to appreciate my own thinking and I respect myself greatly. Facebook has given me the opportunity to talk to people I knew years ago, especially old male friends who dumped me for whatever reason. I have experienced flattering input from several people. The growing theme has been that people felt I was genuine and loving. I feel blessed to have left such a legacy, thus far.

I will continue to do what I must to understand me. Now that I have accepted my marriage will no longer go in the direction I had hoped, I must learn to allow myself to be open to meeting other men. The greatest thing about this is I truly am not bitter. Although very disappointed, God has helped me understand how he uses people and that I should feel honored, instead of defeated, for I have taken the greatest risk of all, I lived within God's will.

Now, I have the opportunity to live a completely different life and I plan to do just that. I am moving towards the greatness that has laid dormant for far too long. It is so my time to shine, to love, to take, to give. I fully understand.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I'm Not the Same Girl

One of the biggest hassles in marriage is when one spouse out matures the other. It is a tragedy in so many ways. That is what has happened in our marriage. I was always more mature than my husband. My emotional development was lacking in many areas when I met him. Being the con artist he is, he was able to pick up on my insecurities and use them to his advantage for a long time.

By the time I was in my mid-30's, I had cleared up a lot of my issues, but he was still the same. Now, at almost 50, I am no where near the same girl I used to be. I am not the one for the bullshit and games; and I will not tolerate anything less than what I want at this point in my life.

Although I still love my husband dearly, I am not the same girl. My needs are completely different and my husband cannot meet them. God has freed me from the day-to-day grind of dealing with him. On one hand I can tell he likes not having to be around me, but on the other hand, it is killing him knowing I still love him, but do not want to have anything to do with him. He would much rather I be mad and angry.

In reality, I never really was her. She was who I was until I could get to who I am. I am not the same girl.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

God Loves Me

It is the little things that make up our lives. Those little moments. The tiny kindnesses. The extension of friendship and caring.

God lets me know He loves me in so many ways. The following example may seem simple and small to you, but it has opened me up even more to the glory of God.

I have a wonderful friend who I think highly of. We are like minded in many ways, the most important, we both know how to use our brains.

For a year now, I have been saying I wanted the new Sprint EVO 4G phone. Every time I saw it on TV or someone with it, I would say, "I'm getting that phone."

It cost over $400, but I sincerely felt I would have one soon. Well, my dear friend was out shopping and she found one for an extremely reasonable price. When she called to tell me she found a phone, I was thankful and ready to accept whatever she brought. When I saw it was the exact phone I wanted, I immediately said to her, "God loves me."

God love us all. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to have the things we desire. No matter how hard my life gets I fall back on my deep faith in God. He has cradled and carried me all my life. I am grateful for the friends I do have. They continuously show me the face of God.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It's Alright, but It Ain't Okay

It is alright that I don't have a man in my life, but it ain't okay. I am the type of woman who wants and desires to have a man in her life. I am not desperate; I am at my best when I have someone to share my life with.

I feel the void tremendously. During other times when my husband and I have been separated, I seemed to long for him. I felt as though I needed him to love. This time I recognize it is not about him, it is the fact I am a lover who has to share the joy of being loving.

Yes, I have my kids, but they are leaving me and we all know it ain't the same. Yeah, it is alright, but it ain't okay I don't have a man to share my love with. I will continue to be patient as I have for all these years, but I am on the look out. I'm ready for my David. I know God is going to hook me up better.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Something New -3

For months I've been having this feeling that it is time for me to do something new. Something I've never done before. Since my husband and I have been separated the urge has grown tremendously. I could not figure out what that feeling meant. After reading an article in Essence Magazine about interracial marriage, my mind opened up. It is time for a new attitude about who I can love.

For most of my adult life, I have always said I would never date outside my race. The most important of the reasons had to do with our slave past and the truth that black men need us. I am highly sensitive and connected to the human spirit. I wanted to do my part.

Yet, black men are not as loyal. They have taken advantage of the shortage of black men and abused black women's loyalty. They keep us hating each other because we constantly find out, we are sharing our men.

No more. I am not sure how this separation is going to end, or if it will. I do know that if we do not stay married, I will date outside my race. I am going to do something new.

Interracial Relations

I have been pretty adamant that if I were ever free again I would not date outside my race. I read an article in Essence Magazine that changed my mind.

It was a simple statistic that changed over 30 years worth of belief. He explained it clearly, black women are very loyal, but also very lonely because of their loyalty. As he said, there are simply more available men in other races.

Many of the struggles black men experience keep them from being ideal marriage partners. Black women who want to be in intimate relationships should consider giving another race a try. There are a lot of black skinned men, who are not American.

The other thing he said that rang true was that being in such high demand gives black men an unfair edge over black women. This fact helps create the belief in some men that because there are so many more women to choose from, they should in fact do that. My husband told me, "there are so many of ya'll and not enough of us, that women just throw themselves at you."

Of course the man could always say no, but that is rarely what happens.

I see things differently now. Especially after I recognized how deep my desire is to share my love. I love to love and not having a man to share it with is not okay with me. At the same time, I'm sick of the attitude many black men have, my husband included, who feel like they can do whatever they want because they know there is a shortage.

I found out what the something new is I want to do.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Father and Son

My son and husband have spent more time together in the last two months than they have in the last three years. Our separation has been good for their relationship in many ways.

The most important thing that has come out of the separation is my son has become more compassionate and introspective. He is analyzing his father's every word and move and has come to the conclusion that the way he is like his dad the most, is the worse.

He has come to recognize he is selfish in the same way his father is and he does not like what he has discovered. He is offering more help in areas I would not have imagined. He has come to me and told me, "Mom, you never ask me for anything. I want to help."

God is so good. When I was trying to control things, they couldn't come together. Even though the most I did was tried to keep his dad in the house with him. As it turned out, God wanted it differently. The initial way the separation came about was devastating, but after seeing the results, it is totally worth it.

All I ever wanted was for them to act like father and son. It is happening.

No Stroking

I know there is a man out there that does not have to have his ego stroke constantly by women to feel like a man. That is the type of man I am seeking. I love to give compliments and recognition to my man, but I don't want to be held responsible for making sure he feels good about himself at all times.

I need someone less high maintenance and much more confident. I met such a man 27 years ago, but we didn't work out. I had the privilege of talking to him recently and it was so refreshing not to have to think about whether i was stepping on his toes. ace

It made me feel even better when he said, "I'm not the kind of man that need to have my ego stroked. I can do that for myself."

I have never heard a man admit he needed his ego stroke, not to mention that he can do it himself. He can't be the only one on the planet. There has to be others.

When I was analyzing where I lacked in my relationship with my husband, I recognized that I was unable to consistently stroke his ego. It is just not who I am as a woman. My husband is insecure and unwilling to take responsibility for his own happiness. He constantly felt as though there was something I should have been doing to make him feel better about himself.

I'm waiting on David. I'm waiting on the man who is willing to give me what I need and able to accept what I can give.

The Best Compliment

I had the pleasure of talking with a man I new when I was 22 years old. He was from another country and seemed to really like me. We saw each other for a few months, then he left and went to the army. I was devastated when he left because I had, for the first time, felt as though I truly loved and cared about him.

When he left for the army, my heart was broken. I felt as though I have lost a tremendous opportunity to love someone who would change my life. I tracked him down and began writing him letters. He wrote me letter back and I have reread them time and time again throughout the years.

It was through his son, his namesake, that I found him on Facebook. He accepted my request to be his friend and we began corresponding. The first time I talked to him I recognized he may not have been the right choice for me as a mate. I was glad we didn't hook up. Yet, I did find I still felt a certain aliveness when I talked to him.

He told me he was glad he met me. He said he used the way I responded to him as a reference when he dealt with other women. He felt as though I represented what a real woman was about. He claims that after reading my writings that I showed signs of being the woman I have become, 27 years ago.

It was a great compliment. I felt good to know that I have basically remained the same and that who I am is appreciated.