Thursday, September 30, 2010


I have the diagnosis. Calcified tendonitis. No medication for it, no surgery. He offered me a topical cream that insurance won't pay for. I'm in a situation where I will be interupted with pain the rest of my life. "h my.

Major Decision

I was hurt on the job. It has been said I need surgery. I have a choice between temporary relief and getting a replacement. In my mind I feel I'm too young to replace my knees. On the other hand, I am almost half a century old. I will make my decision based on what the doctor says today.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Seriously, seriously. Honestly, honestly

Yesterday I said my husband would say we stay because of the kids. The truth is we are lovers and can be friends. We get each other and neither turns from the other for. I am interested in the life I have created. Staying married has allowed me to learn why I have done the things I've done. I donLt regret my life. I love my husband. He's not perfect. I'm not either.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What We Do Right

If you were to ask my husband why he stays married, he would first say because of our children. I have no problem with that. Staying because of the children is a good thing if the couple can be civil. I think more people would stay because of the kids if they could only act civil. That is not the caase. Most married folk are to immature to try to get along. Ultimately being married means you have to mature. You have grin and bear. You have to be willing to do the work.
I think my husband and I are right for making an effort to get along. We are so different in almost every way. The fact we can rally together for the sake of family the sake of family adds to my happiness.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Be Aware

There are so many reasons to believe in the basic goodness of folk. Unfortunately people can make it hard to trust,but what we must learn is we have to rely on our spiritual beliefs to get us through when we are let down in the natural.I am experiencing some severe challenges. Everything that I am is being tested. What I thought is not what I have come to know. My humaness has caught up with me. All I can do at this point is be still and be aware. Most of all I must keep showing up for my life. I won't give up on me.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Proud of Myself

I had a MRI on Sat. I didn't know I was afraid of tight places until she began to put me in the hole. I began to sweat. I thought I couldn't go on with the procedure. I recognized immediately how irrational my behavior was. I began to pray and monitor my behavior. i paid attention to my beathing. i did what i would have told someone else to do. I am who I say I am

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Leaving Me

My husband, a severe diabetic is in kidney and liver failure. I can only pray for him I truly care about him.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


I find myself explaining to others who I know myself to be. I can honestly say lack of income is my only true stressor. Even though my job is tough, I love what I do. Even though my marriage is not the best, I still want to be with the man I married. I accept things as they are now.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Falling Apart

I will be 49 in January. For some reason my body is determined to make me feel 100. I refuse to feel sorry for myself,but I must say it is hard. I must admit my husband does all he can to make things better. I have been in so much pain lately. He has been great and very understanding. He is in kidney failure, but still went to the hospital and docotr with me. I appreciate him greatly.. HE's right here even though i'm falling apart.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Who You Deal With

Before I moved to Louisville, I did research so I could align myself with people who were on the same page as I. I made a conscious decision to only associate with people who were ambitious and wanted to help the community.

By doing that, I was able to realize all of my dreams and goals since I have been here. It has been a fascinating journey. Now I am ready to move on to Atlanta. I have big plans and I know Atlanta is the place to fulfill them.

I do not believe in luck. I truly believe it is all about creating the life you want. But first you must truly know what you want. I am so glad I was blessed at an early age and have know what I want as far as a career since I was 10 years old.

Now, it is just a matter of networking, maintaining viable relationships and continuing to be honest and open to all opportunities.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

So Tired

I must admit I am tired of thinking about my marriage and constantly checking its pulse for signs of life. For the most part I'm cool, but the work that has to go into keeping things that way is amazing, yet necessary.

Still, I'm tired and I'm gonna take a break.