Tuesday, July 27, 2010



"Take full responsiblity for your own performance, for every success and every failure. That starts you on the road toward accomplishment. Make yourself responsible to others through honesty, good will, and fair play. That will make your journey truly rewarding."

Be the person you know you can be.

Effective Communication in Marriage

Marriage is an agreement between two people to love and cherish each other, to financially support each other and the share their entire adults lives with each other. Communication is extremely important because our marriages are usually based on romantic love. Because problems often arise when romantic feelings collide with the daily realities of living together, learning to communicate is important for the survival of the union.

I published the series Get Out of the Way! Claim God's Will for Your Marriage because the divorce is extremely high in this country. People are leaving their marriages for stupid, often truly unbelievable reasons, devastating their lives and the social order.

Steps for Effective Communication

1. Know yourself: Get to know what your needs are and don't deny them to yourself or your spouse.
2. Watch your body language: Nonverbal communication sometimes speaks louder than words.
3. Empathize: Empathy means you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and feel what they may be feeling. Try to see the world through your spouses eyes.
4. Express your feelings and listen to those of others.
5. Nonjudemental communication: Refrain from blaming and accusing your partner. Try not to judge them. Use compassion as much as possible.

Necessary Factors for Achieving and Maintaining a Good Communication System for Your Marriage

1. Truth: Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. Trust: Trust is earned.
3. Time: Take time to communicate when it is appropriate and not when you are rushed.
4. Tact: There is a time and place for everything. Remember, this is the person you love. Try to say the right thing, for the right reasons, in the right way.
5. Tone: How you say what needs to be said is very important. Watch the raised voice, yelling, grunting, etc.

Effective Combat

1. Humor is a great equalizer.
2. Stay with the issue at hand. Don't go all over the place confusing your partner with irrelevant information.


Sleep Walking

"To live consciously is to be present in twhat you are doing: to understand how to futher your intersts and goals; to be aware both of the external world and your inner world. No practice is more sefl-empowering--and it is not difficult to see why. Living consciously is both a cause of self-esteem and an effect. The more you live consciously, the more you truat our mind and respect your worth. The more you trust your mind and respect your worth the more natural it feels to live consciously."

Many of us are literally sleep walking through life. We let others dictate how we live and what we do. We work jobs for the money and then are too tired to spend it because we are exhausted from trying to be, trying to, instead of recognizing the important of being a human being, not a human doing.

What is even worse is that most of us don't trust ourselves and it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out why. We have let ourselves down more than anyone else could ever know. It is because we are not conscious we experience this numbness and confusion in our lives.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

God Bless Us

God Bless Us

I am only one person,
but I am one person.
I can't do everything
but I can do something.
And what I can do,
I ought do do.
And what I ought to do,
by the grace of God
I will do.

We must put for the effort to do all we can with what we have. An attitude of gratitude is the only cure for self-pity.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Got to Get Away

I am feeling like I need to get away. I have a two trips planned before the summer ends and I am really looking forward to getting out of my routine with hopes that something will break this cycle I've been in of feeling trapped.

We will see.

Clean Slate

I had a conversation with someone that ended with the person stating, "Well, we can now start with a clean slate."

I said, "I know how to do clean slate. That is why I've been married for 25 years."

It is true. Because I am aware of the importance of forgiveness and having a willingness to start over, I have been able to stay married.

You must be willing to let others have another chance.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Personal Awareness

Personal power is achieved by having personal awareness.

As yourself these questions daily:

  1. How am I doing?
  2. How do I feel?
  3. Am I holding any tensions? If so, what are they from?
  4. What do I want to do today?
  5. What have I done today to achieve my goals?
  6. Do I need to clear up any problems in any of my personal or professional relationships?
  7. Do I feel nurtured, cared for, appreciated? If not, what can I do to get these for myself?

You are the only person who can successfully direct and channel your energy. Your resources are your time, your skills and your energy. These are the foundations of personal power.


I grew up too fast. I was never big on fun as a kid because where I grew up people often died for the sake of a good time.

My father would often comment, "You are going to be an old lady trying to have fun." He was right, but the great thing about it is I know how to have age appropriate fun. I am enjoying approaching 50 and I pray my health remains great and also my spirit.

I must admit the way the world has unfolding before my eyes throughout the years has left me quite weary. People are horrible to each other and it just seems to be getting progressively worse. Still, I laugh, love and live as though everything is just as I want it to be because in many ways it is. I have control over my life right now. Although I still have yet to obtain the financial status I desire, I am happy with how my life is going.

I am going to have fun.


I do not have many friends and I will admit it is my fault. I am very guarded and have tremendous boundaries. I cannot say this makes me unhappy. But it sure would be nice to have people who were there for me when I just need some comfort, love, concern and support.

Oftentimes, people see me as superwoman and tell me, "Oh, you'll be alright. You always are." Yes, I am resilient, thank God, because I need to be. My husband is slipping away right before my eyes. There is a part of me that has no sympathy for him because his lifestyle has gotten him in this situation. But the greatest part of me, my humanity, reaches out to him. I feel for him. I care for him. I am being a friend to him.

Still I need someone for me.

When I Think Back

Sometimes when I think about how I used to be. The old me, I cringe. I hated my self so much yet I could right poems like this one. I wrote this when I was 15 and at the height of my self-hate:

Like You, You'll Love You

You never want to be who you are.
You look at others and admire then from afar.
You never look at yourself and say,
"I'm the best I can be."
You always look and say,
"I don't like me."

If you don't like yourself, life will always be hard to live.
Just remember you have all God had to give.

Make the best of you,
You are all you've got.
Forget about others and what you're not.

Be yourself and you'll soon see;
that who you are is who you would rather be.

Now that I have really learned to love myself, when I read this poem I am proud of how hopeful and insightful I was at an early age. It is this hope that comes through in this poem that truly kept me alive and wanting to learn how to love myself completely.

I have come to that place and it is heaven on earth.

Winners vs Losers








Sunday, July 18, 2010


"Coping with whatever comes. We can each be either a victim or a survivor; the choice is up to us. Feeling sorry for ourselves only makes everything harder. In the words of a familiar song, we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again."

We all have a choice to live life or let life live us.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


LIFE 101

"The result of honoring the comfort zone too much, too often: a sense of deadness; a feeling of being trapped in a life not of our desiring, doing things not of our choosing, spending time with people not of our liking. The answer to all of this? Do it. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Physically move to accomplish those things you choose."

Take control of your life. Choose to do YOU!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Grown Ass Woman

I feel like a grown ass woman. A few days ago my husband accused me of something I knew I did not do. I did not have the tangible proof and I chose not to respond to his taunts and accusations.

Yesterday, I discovered what he was accusing me of misplacing. I told him I found the items and walked away. I didn't expect an apology, he hasn't grown to that point as of yet. He still feels he can be dead wrong and somehow right at the same time. Most confused people do.

But this is not about him. This is about how much I have grown. How much being right has become something less important than I could have ever imagined. I have gotten to the point in my life that most of what I do, give, and share is done without any expectation of reciprocation.

Being right doesn't give me the right to be defensive and mean spirited. Being right doesn't make me smarter, or anymore loved. Being able to be right, and let others claim how wrong I am, and me not feeling the need to put up a defense, or explain, or win them over, makes me proud and happy. I am happy with the woman I am becoming and the one that I am.

I can honestly say I have surpassed the desire to be understood by others, to have them on my side, or to have them acknowledge my brilliance. I'm good. I feel great about the woman I am.

My poor husband. He has struggled so many years trying to bait me. Trying to bring me down to his level. It is fun watching him trying to figure out how to get me. Nothing that used to work does anymore cause I'm not the same girl. As a matter of fact, I'm not a girl at all. I am a grown ass woman.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

So Glad

I am so glad I have embraced change. Being 48 and one half years old, I have come to understand. Change is good.

Monday, July 12, 2010


We all have to use each other on some level, but it becomes misuse when we take advantage, take things for granted, or overlook the goodness and kindness shared with them.

These people often feel entitled. They actually feel like the world owes them something. I am here to tell you, no one owes you anything. Stop looking to others for your help. Help yourself. Do for you what you think others should.

Grow up!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Free Will

WE all have free will. Most of us exercise it, but many of us give away our power to others. I'm not sure why people do this. I could list a million reasons, but none really answer the question as to why a person would give up themselves for another.

Why do you think it happens?

Being Open

It is very important that we are open to possibilities. We must open our hearts and minds if we want relationships that last.

It really is as simple as that. Most of us don't have what we want because we really aren't open to receiving it.

Something to think about.

Marriage Is Not for Children

Marriage is not for children. Marriage is for adults who are willing to enter into an agreement that will cultivate as much of a win/win outcome for both spouses.

Marriage is for those who are mature, or willing to mature. Marriage is not for children, yet over and over childish individuals enter into the adult world of marriage and find they are not equip to handle the responsibility. Just because you pay bills, drive a car, have your own apartment, etc. does mean you are an adult. Our minds often does not catch up with our age.

Many people are under the assumption they are marrying someone ready for marriage. It doesn't take them long to find out they married a fully grown infant just wanting their way and expecting everyone else to cater to them. Or they find they have married someone incapable of experiencing their feelings and emotions, other than anger, need for sex, and food. Then there are those of us who marry only to find we didn't know what we thought we knew, now we have to try to fake it, knowing all the time we will soon be found out.

Think before you leap. Marriage is not for children.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Wake UP

People need to accept the fact that everyone is not going to love you. Most people will find a reason not to like you before they try to get to know you. Once they get to know you and you are who you say you are, they are more likely not to like you.

These same people will form so-called friendships with other all the time knowing they are only trying to ride of the glory, confidence, coattails of the the one they think has more, knows more or can do more.

When it is all said and done, you find these folk plotting against you, trying to use you, lying on you. You have got to wake up. Pay attention to who you are letting in your life.


I am maintaining my weight. I have gained weight in years and I am toning and eating less. It never ceases to amaze me how women allow themselves to feel less than because they are unwilling to do what they need to do for themselves to have what they want.

I went out tonight. I looked cute in my knee length after five red dress, but I was critcized and eyeballed, because I pulled it off. I looked really good and you could see it all over the faces of the women who made sure I saw they were looking at me.

So what? I have nice legs, even at 48 and I have no problem showing them. I looked good. Jealousy is such a waste of time. Find out what looks good on you and stop trippin' on what others are wearing or doing.

Watching for the Signs

My husband's doctor has told him to be watching for the signs of a stroke. He has has four and because the arteries in his brain are hardening, he will possibly have more, or at least one. The signs are there. His eyesight is failing rapidly. I see the terror in his face every time he reads something.

The poor remote, he has dropped it so often I have complete faith in plastic. It still lives. What is the hardest is his memory loss, or inability to retain. I haven't figured out which is the case, but he most definitely doesn't remember much. It was easy for me to play the victim role and say he was not listening to me, that is why he doesn't hear me. I am finding that whether he listening or not, he may not hear, for he is losing his hearing.

Diabetes have ravaged his body. Diabetes is taking the man I married away from me and all I can do is wait and watch for the signs. I can only hope and pray that however it comes he is spared anymore further pain and suffering. The slow, but sure death he is experiencing is painful to watch, but I am there for him as much as I can be.

I do my best to continue to treat him the same, but it is hard because my heart really does recognize he is not the same man. I'm blaming it on bad genes, bad eating habits and habitual denial of reality. He wouldn't do what he was told to do and now it is too late. So we just watch for the signs.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Perception Ain't Reality

I know I'm harping on whether or not we ever really know someone. After finding out and understanding that we really don't, I feel obligated to remind people of this fact. You will never fully know another person. There are always undeveloped parts, parts they hide, and things you just don't see for whatever reason.

So many people get married thinking they really know something about the person they are married to. All it takes is a few years and you can see in their eyes, "Who is this person?" People change and hopefully grow. People seek and hopefully find.

The best you can do is to accept the person for who they are at the time you are engaged with them, knowing that at any given moment you may be faced with a stranger.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Happiness is Overrated

The question, "Why when you see married people, do one of the partners look unhappy?"

I was outraged. It is so amazing to me how much people harp on the most fleeting emotion we have, happiness. Nothing is stagnate. Life is fluidity, change, movement. We insist on being happy all the time like it is really possible.

Most of us are not happy with ourselves, it is no wonder why we can't find it with another. To assume you can tell whether a couple is married, or happy is ridiculous. My answer to the question, was with the question, "What does happiness look like?" I went on to add "don't look to others for happiness, it is within. Happiness is overrated."

My happiness does not depend on other people. I used to be like other folk, thinking others could make me happy, but as I became more enlightened and self-aware, I recognized I am in control of all my emotions and thus responsible for all of them. If I allow someone to interfere with my happiness, that is on me and me alone. People are not responsible for how you monitor your emotions. If you let someone take you through changes, it is on you.

We need to wake up and accept we all have the capability of making, creating, and developing the lives we desire. What other people think, how they feel, what they say, should not effect you to the point where you lose you, or feel bad about you. I'm not saying you can't be hurt by others, what I am saying is even if we are hurt by others, it is up to us to regulate our hurt feelings and emotions. We cannot resort to blame to justify being unhappy with the lives we have created.

Happiness is overrated and almost non-existent for many. I'd much rather be content and have peace of mind than to be in a constant state of happiness. As a matter of fact, I'd much rather just deal with things as they come instead of looking for happiness in all my encounters, especially with loved ones. It just rarely happens. People trample on your happiness searching for their own happiness. It is rare we meet and marry someone who shares the same things that make each happy.

The best we can do is leave people alone when we see they are happy. Or we can find out what does make them happy and try to add to it, but we cannot control whether or not someone else is happy.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It Is What It Is

We so often want to believe we know others when in fact, you never really know anyone. You must remember we all have secrets. We are all good at hiding things.

People tell you about them. They let you know by what they do, more than by what they say. If you want to know a person, listen to them. Stop putting your ideas on them. Stop expecting them to be like you, or want you you want. Let people be them and they will be who you want them to be, if they want to. But they most definitely won't be who you tell them they are.

It is what it is.

Sunday, July 4, 2010


Many people don't understand that just because they believe something it doesn't make it real. It may be real to you, but mean nothing to others. Belief does not mean truth.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Making Changes

One of the hardest realities for most people to accept is the ever changing, ever evolving motion of life. We consistently are looking for stability and comfort when in actuality you can only find those things once you accept the only consistent thing about life is it is inconsistentency.

Even though I understand this on many levels, my humanism gets in the way. I find myself desiring and craving. Wanting things I know I don't need. Needing things I know I don't want. I'm giving in. Everything must change.