Blaming the Victim

Our country has always been heavily into blaming the victim. Throughout history people have been taken advantaged of and them blamed for allowing themselves to be taken advantage of.

Folk, especially men folk, love to project their wrongs onto others. Some are masters at this and are unable to accept when they are wrong. They usually have a gift for gab and is able to out talk most people. Not me.

I have found myself in altercations with men because I refuse to play dumb when they come at me with their projection BS. When I call them on some limitation, or wrongdoing, they immediately want to try to tear me down by asking me if I'm married and what kind of husband do I have. Those that do this are obviously used to dealing with women who don't have brains, or are afraid to use them because they know the man can't handle it.

I'm not that kind of woman. I am not about to dumb down for any man, in any situation. I don't need nothing on earth bad enough to make a fool out of myself for the sake of having a man in my life. My husband learned to let me be me and he tried to love me in his own way, which was not love at all, of course. Still, he felt the love coming from me and that turned out to be enough in many ways. So what I usually have something to say, I am a loyal, dedicated woman and who doesn't want that?

Hey, men need to get over themselves. We all come here with a mind and we are expected to use them. Don't hate me cause I know it and ain't scared to show it.

Making My Way

I must admit it feels good not to be afraid to do the right thing, for the right things sake. I took a stance and it made a difference. The problem I reported was immediately taken care of. What upsets me is so many people knew and felt what was happening was wrong, but would not say anything. What makes me different? Why didn't I just sit back and let it happen?

Being Open

It is very important that we are open to possibilities. We must open our hearts and minds if we want relationships that last.

It really is as simple as that. Most of us don't have what we want because we really aren't open to receiving it.

Something to think about.

I Needed That

A friend told me something that kept me up all night. At 5 a.m., no longer able to stand the rumblings of my soul, I called the same friend who was receptive and willing to let me flesh out what I believe to be God's will for me.

It is time for me to find out who is just with me, and not for me. It doesn't mean I am going to dump people. I think all these people will fall off by themselves. They won't be able to make the climb up the mountain, they will fall off.

There have been so many throughout the years. Some people I really felt close to. I really felt, at the time, they were going to be in my life forever. I learned my lesson the hard way about saying forever, always, coulda, woulda, shoulda. I learned we truly only get one day at a time and that is all we are mandated to deal with. We don't have to solve all of life's problems, if we can just make it through this day and not carry it with us to the next.

When you get stuck on stupid, stand in your own way, you keep out what our Creator has to offer you. I am open. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I think I'm getting closer to my peak.

Perception is Reality

I never wanted to get married. My parents were volatile verbally and the banter made me nervous. I often felt pending doom and sick at the stomach. My emotional state was harmed greatly by their seemingly natural hate for each other. Although both were very ambitious, and money making minded people, they were on two different paths from the beginning.

They never learned the techniques I learned to use to learn to live with the man I chose, after he chose me. I asked my husband to marry me, so right off the bat I'm sharing with you that I am holding myself accountable for much of the heartache I have suffered living with him over the past 25 years.

The joy I experienced being marriage came a surprise to me. Because we both had some pretty set ideas about family, we could not see ourselves staying together if we were not married. I know my husband married me because he didn't want to lose me, and that is okay with me. I don't want to lose him either. Being able to express the need for each in a safe way has allowed us to be more loving towards each other.

I have learned to become more agreeable. As I searched to find what I thought it really was that kept me from being close to my husband, I found it was the unwillingness to let him have the right to his say and let it be right to him, if that is how he sees. Early in the relationship I was trying to be images I saw around me. It was exhausting and an empty way of live. The movie Revolutionary Road really show how we conform in this country and lose ourselves. I wasn't going to stay on that track.

I was never really on it. I was just "trying" to be an failing miserably. I had to stop and look at me. Most of my misery came from wanting him to be more like me. Admitting this to myself took years, but when I finally stopped it. My life changed. My need to know lessened greatly. I was able to focus on what I needed to do for me, my goals, my dreams, my wishes, hopes, and desires.

You may not believe this, but you can stop some of the things that are holding you back, from holding you back, by simply changing the way you view them. Perception is reality in many ways, especially for women. Sometime just they we think something is, is, until we find out different. When it comes to men, we need to accept we don't know them. They are not like us and thank God! The day I began to perceive my husband as undiscovered territory, someone to watch grow, instead of telling them where to go, someone to share time with, instead of dictating how time will be spent, someone who can tell me something, instead of someone who is incapable of sharing. We get what we look for, every time.