You Just Never Know

Unfortunately, when we meet men we tend to want to change them. We somehow think we know what is best for them, even though they had been living their lives at least 20 years before we met them. Yet in still, we know what is right for them.

When they reject our desire to run their lives, we are insulted and often exclaim, "I was only trying to help you out." Did they ask? Did we ask? No, we don't ask because we think we know.

We think we know because we have played scenarios over in our heads, but forget the man was not there in our heads. Then we expect them to be able to read our minds, because we feel we read theirs, when in reality what we have done is scrutinized, analyzed, and often spied to get the information we do have about them.

I am here to tell you that you just never know. You really don't. Even when you think you know, you most often don't. At this point in my life, I am at the phase of live and let live. I have come to know what I know most is that I know nothing. I have become an open vessel, waiting for life's next lesson.

Ready or Not

Ready or not, it is time we begin to heal our relationships. As we can see, life and death are random. There truly is no set standard for either. The young die as well as the old. Disease does not have to be a factor. If you are alive, you will surely die.

With that said, what about being ready to live? What about giving all you've got to the good fight? Our kids deserve it. Our country needs it. We must hang in there and do all we can to relate, relax, and release.

Ready or not, it is time we take a stand for marriage.

Open

Being open in our relationships allows others to feel free to approach us with issues. Unfortunately, no one wants to hear something is wrong with a certain aspect of what they represent to others. No one wants to know that their spouse may not be as enthusiastic as they once were about the union.

We all have issues and faults that others may need to bring to our attention to be able to function in a relationship with us. We must be willing to be open and accept that something needs to be said and we need to hear it. Whether we agree with it or not, if we want our spouses to be honest with us, we have to be open.

So Long

I was married 20 1/2 years on December 25th. Unfortunately, longevity doesn't necessarily mean perfect. Even though I'm committed to the marriage, commitment to the relationship is a little harder. By that I mean, the day-to-day relationship issues. Some things become obvious that they are not going to change and you really do have to make up your mind what you are going to address.

After 20 1/2, some subjects really do get old. That's when love does not fail, if it is at the core of the union. Love allows us to look over, let slide, put on the back burner, or we may feel really generous and ignore the infraction all together.

The next time the marriage gets a boo boo, put some love on it.

Merry Married Christmas

This has been a rough year for families. We have all done our best to hold things together. To all the couples who wanted to let go and didn't, bravo. To those who feel they had no other choice, if you have children, I wish you well.

We are only mandated to love one another. This is what we must remember. Especially when our spouses try us. We must fall back on love and let it be the balm used to soothe our aches and pains.

It is not easy to be married, but the benefit is undeniable when you put forth the effort needed to help it work.

I sincerely hope all is well with you and yours a marvelous Christmas Day!

Peace

Glad I Ain't Looking

It's getting cold out and there is the usual scramble for those who have no one to find someone to snuggle with on those long winter nights. Well, let me be the first to say I'm glad I'm not looking. I live in the land of the misunderstood. I was reluctant to do this blog thing because people seem to add stuff to whatever I say or write.

It already happened. There was a man following my blog and I simply wrote him and asked him whyhe was following me. I didn't ask because I was upset or didn't want him to follow, I was actually fishing for a compliment. Instead, he took his picture off my followers list.

I was shocked, then again, I wasn't. People are so sensitive and they react without clarification. You just have to accept that even those who proclaim to be stable can act unstable sometimes.

Like I said, I'm glad I'm not looking. If my marriage was to come to an end today, I still wouldn't be looking. I would most definitely let him find me because as soon as I open my mouth, he'll be ready to go. You know what? Anyway the wind blows is cool with me. I've done my time, paid my dues, went to school, been school and learned well.

The little things, that is what I love about being married.

The Obamas

I saw the first couple on Oprah last night. Oprah asked them how the appointment has affected their marriage and you could tell they are basically the same. They are a very cerebral couple. Good for them.

The First Lady talked about liking her husband. Yes, it would be a perk to like your mate, but most often it is really hard. This is the person who you see at the worse. You know things about them others may never know. You learn things you don't want to know.

For me, what saved my marriage wasn't the fact that my husband was my friend, as much as it was the unconditional love I was able to develop over the years. The more I loved him it seemed the less I liked him. I soon became convinced he would much rather I love him, whether I liked him or not.

He doesn't like me either. I'm everything he wants to be and just can't seem to muster up to decency to rise to the occasion. No, if I weren't married to him, I probably wouldn't even speak to him. We have talked about this fact many times. This is why we are so convinced there is something very divine about our union. Soul mates as he likes to say.

I have had to agree. It can only be something greater than me that keeps me thinking lovingly about the man I'm married to. I am convinced I'm married to the right man. I also believe I must have done something terribly wrong in another life.

But I got it this time. I learned my lesson and that is to love whether I like it or not.