The truth is I am staying in my marriage because I love my husband. As corny as it sounds, it is true. Even with all our differences. Even with all the betrayals, hurts, disappointments, I have to admit; he is the one.
The love I have for him is so pure. It seems so effortless and I don't have to think about reasons why I should or shouldn't. I just go with the fact I recognize I do. I could wish he was different. There was a time early in the relationship that I actually thought I could do something to make him different, but then, who he is became interesting to me. I went from thinking I knew everything about him, to realizing I didn't and that it was best I keep my mouth closed and try to learn him.
The truth is, I'm hooked on a feeling. I am amazed that after 25 years our chemistry is still as strong as it is. Tonight before I left for work I went to him and said, "Dear, I know we have been kidding a lot lately about divorce, but I want you to know, I don't want to be with anyone but you."
He said, "I don't want to be with anybody but you, either." Then he began singing a little song he obviously just made up. "I love you, sometimes I hate you, but I love you." He sang two chorus' and I walked out of the room.
He struggles with his everyday feelings about me. He has a hard time with my moodiness, which is such a shame because I would think he would be used to it now. That just goes to show how people can't stray far from their natures. He is naturally optimistic, and I'm definitely a pessimist at heart, yet we keep finding ways and reasons to show people they don't know about this love.
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