Early in our marriage when my husband would do something he should not have done I would eventually tell him he'd pay. Part of me was hoping, but the greatest part of me understood we truly do reap what we sow. Throughout our marriage he sowed discontent and discord. He was unable to break the cycle of disrespect and hate for women that is prevalent in his family.
When I think about how much his body has deteriorated, how fast he went down and how easily he gave into his flesh; I cannot help but see God's hand all over it. We never get away. I know he is in hell. I clearly remember when I first met him and his mother had just been diagnosed with diabetes. He proclaimed he would never be on, "all that medication." He ended up on twice as much medication.
There are so many scenarios that have happened throughout our 26 years together that I could say, "and now he's paying for that."
It is not my duty to determine what he is paying for, but I do recognize he is paying. We never get away because we create our own heaven and hell right here on earth. With every decision we build our empire, or tear it down. I have said time and time again, I was in my marriage for the duration. Had my husband not pushed me away, I would still be with him. Since he has done that I embrace the separation. When I really think about it, I have always been able to let my husband walk away from me. The difference this time is he cannot come back.
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