Friday, March 9, 2012

Brave New World

When I realized God was releasing me from my 26 year marriage, it was an immediate acceptance on a level few words can describe. Not that I instantly stopped loving my husband, or even wanted out of the marriage. It was a profound sense of peace, even though I was madder than I had been in a long time.

I had to make certain choices and I did so with grace and a clear head. There were no second thoughts. I knew, we would never live as man and wife again and I was right.

Seven months later I am enjoying my journey, paying close attention to my options and continuing to expand my horizons. I was walking down the street Wednesday and two different men blew their horns to get my attention. Seven months ago, I would have never even heard the horns, let alone recognized they were for me.

I'm living in a brave new world of freedom and self-expression. Although I never wanted my marriage to end, it did, and I accept the reality it is over.

I like being alone. I love having my king size bed to myself, thinking of myself, doing for myself. Even though I loved being a wife and mother. I love phasing out that part of my life even more. I am so ready to really have more of an opportunity to focus on me. I have been a mother for 32 years, since 17 years old. I took total responsibility for my daughter and haven't looked back since. I did the same for the two I produced with my husband.

I was a great wife. I gave my husband the opportunity to know what it was like to have a family life. I did the best I could with the limited knowledge I had about intimate relationships. As I grew into womanhood, I adjusted my behavior. Unfortunately, my efforts to be a better wife had little to do with whether or not my husband would be a better husband.

In my brave new world, I take with me the knowledge I received during the 26 years I was married to my husband.

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