Thankful for My Strength

I must admit the thing I am amazed at most is the fact I have truly let go of my relationship with my husband. He was messing up our marriage and there was no need for that, especially since it was obvious he didn't really want to participate in the first place.

We have suffered so long throughout the years in our marriage. Now, at the end, what would be the point? I get it that he doesn't get it, or even want it. He wants to be single and he is. The legality of our marriage never stopped him from acting unmarried. It does not matter at this point what he does or does not do because I am gone. I am out of his life.

If he wants to be miserable, he'll have to do it by myself. I've been there and done that way too much long. I want to feel joyous more than anxious. I want to live and love freely, not feel like someone is expecting me to be more than I want to be.

I am strong and capable of making choices that are in my best interest. My husband and I had our time and now it is time to do something else. I am strong enough to face whatever and I will until the day I die.

Staying Strong

Staying strong is not easy. I am human and I need support just like anyone else. Yet, it is hard to people to view strong women as needing help from others. We get the reputation of "being okay," when in actuality, we need love, help, and care too.

At this point, I am sincerely grateful for being able to withstand much of what is going on, but after seeing all the blood that flowed from my husband's arm, I am in shock. I can handle a lot, but this blood thing is to much for me.

For whatever reason, the surgeon is unable to get the procedure right. He will be going to surgery for the third time. I will be leaving work early to be there for him, but who will be there for me? I can't talk to my kids about it, they are traumatized too.

The few friends I have are sweet, but I know they are sick of me consistently being in crisis mode. It's just all too much. Being strong is not all it is cracked up to be.

Pride

Pride has its place. We must take more pride in developing who we are as people. We are normally prideful when it comes to things, or when we are wrong, we use pride to elevate us.

Sometimes, women especially, tend to think pride takes the place of humility. That is not correct. They each have their function. You can have pride and be humbled. It is important we each take pride in ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for our actions.

In this world of immediate gratification, self-centeredness, and lack of human communication, personal pride is getting loss more and more. Because people are so willing to take short-cuts, it is hard to be prideful when you know you have not done your best. You may not realize it consciously, but subconsciously you know.

Check yourself today.

I Have Issues

I have issues just like everyone else. What sets me apart is I have become determined to look at myself before I make judgements about others. When there is a misunderstanding, (unless I know I am right) then I do all I can to make sure I don't make it worse. When I am talking to people, I do what I can to listen with intent. This practice throws so many people off because they are not used to being listened to. They ask, "Are you there? Are you listening?" I respond, "I'm listening." You really have to close your mouth and quiet the mind to listen.

I still fall a little short when it come to my kids. I'm examining why I think that is. I will say I think it has a lot to do with the fact I have taught them a lot of what they know, so I tend to finish their sentences. Thank God they are enough of their own people to tell me when I'm treading on them.

I have issues. As a matter of fact, I would say I'm a nerd and a little anti-social, in a social kinda of way. I will go somewhere, then sit and observe. Or, I can be a socialite, where I'm the life of the party. I'm fragmented like that. This is another reason why I am a fan of Gestalt therapy.

I have issues. I know I sound all smart and wise, but I'm just as lost in some ways as others are in the ways of self-aware, relationships and the other topics I write about with ease. Now if you want to start talking about managing money, or being a team player, or sports, or TV shows, I'm at a deficit. There are many things I am not good at and you can believe I stay as far away from my limitations as possible. This minimizes the stress I feel. I won't lie. I play up my strengths as much as I can.

According to Strengthsfinder my strengths are:

Self-Assurance - People strong in the Self-Assurance theme feel confident in their ability to manage their own lives. They possess an inner compass that gives them confidence that their decisions are right. This is what we all need. This is how you move forward, no matter what, by believing in yourself.

Achiever - People strong in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive. So, me.

Communication - People strong in the Communication them generally find it easy to put their thought into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.

Empathy - People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations. This is why I write this blog. I know what you are going through, or at least I "feel" like I do.

Maximizer - People strong in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb. I told you.

Challenge yourself to do something that brings you closer to you today.