Monday, February 20, 2012

When You Can't Love Who You Want

I love my husband completely, but I cannot love him actively. His behavior is completely unacceptable to God and to me. He has done all he can to continue to push his family away, but if you talk to him he doesn't understand why no one wants to be around him.

He simply cannot see how nasty and mean he is. He doesn't recognize the disrespect he harbors for those who are close to him. He just can't accept that he is not a good person, at least not to people he claims to love.

Still, I love him dearly, but I am so glad not to be apart of his self-sabotaging lifestyle anymore. It was torture watching him tear down everything we would try to build. To watch him walk all over the love and respect I did try to have for him. To him not give as much as he could to our children.

When you can't love who you want, you really do have to take a step back and be grateful cause sometimes it is a good thing. Not being with him does not keep me from loving him or from praying for him. I will continue to do both as long as I live.

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